Lukewarm reaction to my dress

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2078 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

When I tried on wedding dresses, my mom and family that went with me liked my dress, but preferred a different one. Granted, the only size the store had of the dress was a 10, and I’m a 4, so I don’t think they got the full effect, even with the clamps. On alteration fitting day, there was more approval for the dress, but my mom still liked a different one. On my wedding day, everyone loved my dress, and I heard countless times how perfect it was for me, and how beautiful it was.

Go with what makes you feel beautiful, and ignore everyone else. My wedding dress made me teary eyed when I tried it on, so I knew it was the one. And while you may not have that emotional a reaction to your dress, you’ll know what’s the right one.

Post # 3
Member
4662 posts
Honey bee

Big fan of not asking questions you don’t really want the answer to if you’re not prepared for all of the possible answers.  People have all sorts of ideas of what they think you should have or what the ideal should be.  Your options are just keep it to yourself if all you are looking for is headpats, share if you want genuine feedback because you can’t make up your mind or aren’t sure if something looks good, or just let the additional commentary roll off your back.  It doesn’t matter if she pictures you in champagne or a different style – it only matters if you like it and are comfortable in it.  Thank her for the feedback and move on.

Sometimes sharing isn’t all it is cracked up to be.  Don’t borrow trouble of you’re happy with your decision.

Post # 4
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it’s beautiful and all that matters is that you and your fiance love it! 

Post # 5
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

FWIW I love that dress! I got a pretty cold reaction to my dress, but I knew when I picked it that it wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I pretty much stopped showing people and just ignored their comments. I knew it was the right dress and just because my mom or a bridesmaid envisioned me in something more ballgown (mine was more of a sheath/a-line) doesn’t mean I picked the wrong thing.

Post # 6
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

When I showed my SMIL & SIL my dress they kinda looked and were like ohh…pretty. Not a very warm reaction either but my dress was not everyone’s taste which is fine. Some comments you just accept & get over. The dress is pretty but everyone has different styles, and this was just one person’s comment so I wouldn’t feel bad! If you are happy that’s what matters.

Post # 7
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I wouldn’t worry about it. Everyone has their own opinions on what makes a nice wedding dress but what matters is how you and fiance feel about it.

Post # 9
Member
915 posts
Busy bee

Yea, I had mixed reactions to my dress as well. People thought it was too “plain”. But I stayed true to my personal style. Its your day and you can wear what you want. And most people can’t picture the full vision of when your hair and makeup is done with the veil. 

Post # 10
Member
6714 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Lauri1 :  I ordered dresses online to try when I was visiting my family for Christmas.  My mother saw the bridesmaids dresses and said something like “well, if you like it”.  It was obvious she thought they were stupid looking.  Once on my sister though, her entire attitude changed and she loved it.  Sometimes they just need a real perspective to eat their words.  And sometimes they just get a concept stuck in the head and can’t let it go – older brides don’t wear white!  That’s when you roll your eyes and let it go, realizing that her opinion doesn’t actually matter in the long run.

Post # 11
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My mom and sister were very lukewarm about my dress when I showed them pictures. It wasn’t until they saw me in it that they were able to understand why I loved it so much. Go with your gut and if you love it, that’s all that matters!

Post # 12
Member
4820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Lauri1 :  Your dress is beautiful!  Please don’t let anyone steal your joy.  Treasure every moment of your special day!!  

I am also an encore bride and I wore ivory.  I loved my dress and so did my now Darling Husband.

Post # 13
Member
942 posts
Busy bee

annabananabee :  I disagree. There’s a difference between useful comments and not. If her Maid/Matron of Honor personally doesn’t like the dress or hasn’t pictured her in that style/color, that’s none of her business. Maid/Matron of Honor should have more tact than that. The spanx comment though is perfectly acceptable since it is actually useful to help the bride look better in her chosen dress, but the extra opinions are not. People should think whether their comments are going to be helpful before commenting, instead of victim blaming the person who never specifically asked for those comments (i.e: “hey, did you ever think I was going to wear white for my second marriage?”)

Post # 14
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Who cares what other people think? The only opinion that matters is yours.

Post # 15
Member
4662 posts
Honey bee

chachamaru :  I’m not victim blaming (which really? We’re going to call someone getting feedback a victim now?!?).  But you dont get to control anyone but yourself.  You dont get to control how other people respond or what they say.  So yes, it is absolutely a good rule of thumb that if you aren’t prepared for the gamut of responses you might get – from effusive praise to meaningless commentary to harsh criticism that you mentally check yourself that you are prepared for that, regardless of the situation.  Like people who post here and only want to have their bad ideas validated and get upset when they aren’t.  Sometimes questions are better left unasked if you aren’t prepared for the variety of responses you could get.  At the end of the day you only get to control yourself and how you respond to others so know yourself and what responses you are looking for.  I saw nothing wrong with the comments the friend made.  She had a picture in her head – she didn’t say OP looked ugly  or criticize her.  But if you only want effusive praise and you know anything less will upset you, you have the control to decide if that is a situation you want to deal with.  She didnt get jumped from the bushes unexpectedly against her will here.  Opening yourself up to criticism and opinions is a package deal with deciding to share things.

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