Post # 1
I’m currently fighting with my mom about the end time of our lunch wedding and I want some opinions.
Background: My Fiance has Crohn’s disease and we always have to leave weddings really early (like, right after dinner) because he gets very sick with that much anxiety and stress. Therefore, we decided on a lunch wedding with the ceremony at 11:00, lunch at 1:00, dancing from 2:00 to 5:00, we leave at 5:00, DJ shuts down, people can mingle if they want but the formal event is over. We were planning on having a CD of background music put on and some apps brought out for the mingling.
My mom has been trying to get me to extend the DJ contract for two or three HOURS after we’re gone. Now, I know it’s common for the party to continue after the bride and groom leave in the evenings, but I really don’t want to do that because then it’ll feel to me like yet again we’re leaving another wedding early, but this time it’s our own. The dancing is my favourite part. I don’t want to miss out. But our leaving time isn’t just a preference: it’s a time the Fiance and I decided on because of his illness. He knows his own body best and he knows how much he can handle.
My mom is completely disrespecting this decision and has been fighting and fighting with me about it. She feels that ending the wedding at 5:00 is a terrible inconvenience for our guests because then they’ll have nothing to do. I figured that they could drive home (most live a few hours away) or splinter off into their own after parties or go out for dinner with their friends and family. I feel like they’re adults, the end time will be clearly indicated on the invitations and programs, so they really ought to be able to take care of themselves. She said that ending at 5:00 was rude and was an awkward time to end, and wants it to end at 7:00 or 8:00. I think 7:00 or 8:00 would be bad because then we’d need to feed people dinner. It’s a lunch wedding, not an all-day affair.
My question to you: is it rude to end the wedding at 5:00? If you were a guest, would you feel offended? What would you do after? Would you find that disappointing? Is this a faux pas to you?
Post # 3
Honestly I think ending at 5 is perfect and extending it much longer would be a little rude! If you’re feeding them lunch and then they’re dancing… if they are staying until 7 or 8 its like almost time to feed them again! lol. I wouldn’t want to stay that late personally. I do think maybe mentioning the time on the invite might be good though just because lunch receptions are less common and if I were a guest I’d have no idea what to expect.
Post # 4
That’s pretty much identical to our timeline also!! So no, I don’t think it’s rude at all, especially since there is a medical reason. If your guest think it’s rude, then I think THEY are rude!
We were also thinking of inviting everyone to an upscale lounge type venue afterwards around 8 for people who want to carry on the party, but we’re asking our band to end at 5pm. We won’t leave before our guests though since we would just be going home or to the hotel.
Post # 5
that’s PLENTY of time! mine is 11-4:30 and according to our venue, everyone has to be out at 4:30. i doubt most people will even stay that long, and we’re having dancing with a live band.
Post # 6
I don’t think I would stick around after you left at 5. Lunch was at 1, by 5, dinnertime is fast approaching.
Post # 7
Have you explained clearly to your mom why you do not want to continue with the dancing? Also, I agree with some of the previous posts, if you continue on too long, it would almost be rude not feeding your guests supper as well! It would definitely be okay in my point of view to end at 5:00 without stating the time on the invitations!
Post # 8
your ceremony starts at 11 and the reception goes until 5. that’s 6 hours. tell your mom to think about it this way: pretend the wedding starts at 5pm. 6 hours later is 11pm…that’s definitely the average reception end-time!
Post # 9
Thanks so much for your support guys! I thought this was ok but she was so adamantly convinced that it’s awkward and rude for some reason. I just don’t get it. I appreciate knowing that I’m not off my rocker here!
To SpringBride511, yes, I’ve explained my reasoning to her three times now. Also, she’s got Celiac disease, so if anyone should be understanding of having to change things around to accommodate illness, it’s her. I really don’t understand why she’s being like this.
I’m relieved! Thanks everyone!
Post # 10
your time line is almost the same as mine (except i start later) and i am glad to hear, but i was a LITTLE worried mine was too short. i am having ceremony at 4pm, then dinner 5-7, then dancing 7 – 10. i having a destination wedding and so apparently all event have to end by 10pm.
but the way you laid it out sounds perfect and as a guest, i wouldn’t its awkward or rude or anything. i would probably plan to enjoy a relaxing evening!
EDIT: I voted the first option, then noticed the second option after, which i think would be nice to do – put it on the invitations OR at least on the programs for the day. on my invitations i only put the start time. but when i make programs to hand out on the day, i will indicate the end times
Post # 11
I don’t think it would be rude at all. The lunch/dancing would be four hours long, which is typical for receptions.
Post # 12
Actually, that’s a long day. Our ceremony is at 10:30, the brunch reception starts at II and ends at 3. That’s already a long day. It might go by quickly for you, but your guests might want to escape a little earlier than 5.
Post # 13
Personally, if you ended your wedding any time after 5:00 I’d be leaving anyway because I’d be getting hungry. Plus, if the bride and groom were gone I wouldn’t really want to linger anyway. Just make sure you clearly indicate on the invitations when the party is supposed to end to avoid confusion.
Post # 14
What?? Most guests will be ready to go home after a long day. Few people stay til the very end, regardless of what time it is… you’ll be fine ending at 5!!
Post # 15
I think ending at 5 is plenty of time!