(Closed) Luncheon — only for BMs? BMs and my mom? BMs and BOTH moms? HELP!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can I invite my mom to the lunch and not my FMIL
    yes, see explaination below : (2 votes)
    15 %
    no, see explaination below : (11 votes)
    85 %
  • Post # 4
    4765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

    Okay, here are my thoughts:

    I think that it’s perfectly understandable that you don’t really want her to come, and under most circumstances I think it would be fine to skip inviting her, and only invite your mom.

    However, since your FSILs are bridesmaids and they will be at the luncheon, it will be pretty obvious if you don’t invite her. If it were just your friends who were bridesmaids, it wouldn’t be a huge deal, but since your FMIL’s daughters are IN the wedding, if you don’t invite her, you will definitely risk her being insulted!

    Post # 5
    5498 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If you invite your Mom, you have to invite her if her daughter’s are BM’s. You’ll run the risk of hurt feelings and drama if you don’t.

    Post # 6
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    As much as I understand your reasoning for not wanting to invite her, I just dont think you can get away with it. I think it would rEALLY hurt your Future Mother-In-Law and I dont think its the best way to start things off in your marriage. Especially since your FSILs are bridesmaids I think your Future Mother-In-Law needs to be invited. Also, I think it would be pretty tasteless of her to make any snide remarks at your bridal shower. It sucks, but I guess its just a part of getting married right?

    Post # 7
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

    I totally understand your dilemma, but part of the wedding is paving the road for the future, and you definitely want to start out on the right foot, inclusive and everything.  This is a tough spot, but one where you may have to bite the bullet!

    Post # 8
    169 posts
    Blushing bee

    Could you maybe do two luncheons? One with your friends and families and another one with your Future Sister-In-Law and FMIL?


    Crazy idea? Maybe. You could also explain to your mom the situation…

    You could also have your mom come 10 min late and exclaim

    “O My I am late, sorry!!!”

    “And then you be like Mom? What are you doing here?”

    She will say: “Arent I invited”

    You: “No”

    Her: “Well where is FMIL?”

    You: Neither of you were invited!

    Her: O well, since I am here I will stay

    and then proceed with the event… 



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