Post # 1
My Father passed away last year and we asked for donations (in lieu of gifts) made in his name to a stroke fund at the hospital he was treated at. The information was readily available for everyone.
At his service, I had 15 people tell me that they had donated and were happy to contribute to such a great cause.
Recently, the stroke fund has contacted me with a list of names and addresses of all of the people who donated so I may send thank you cards.
The list was three people long. As in, only three people donated.
Usually this wouldn’t upset me. I wouldnt’ have minded if they didn’t give a gift or donate at all, their presence at the service was enough. But I don’t know why people felt the need to lie about it.
One of those people were my best friend (and MOH) and her boyfriend. Another was my DH’s parents.
I’m having a hard time letting this sit. If they were planning on donating, I would have expected them to tell me they were planning on doing so, rather than they have.
Do people often lie about this because they don’t expect someone to see the donor list?
Should I just not say anything to anyone? Or should I bring it up?
(We didn’t receive gifts/flowers/cards from any of these people in lieu of the donation)
edit: No donations were made anonymously. I made sure to ask the woman in charge of donations.
Also, the fund itself was established after my Father died, specifically for him. Of course it won’t be specifically for him in the future. But my Dad was a large voice in stroke research at the hospital, once he passed we contacted the hospital to see if there was anywhere we could have donations made and they offered to start the Stroke Fund in his name. The donations would have had no where else to go.
Post # 3
@AnonBeeLee: Is there any chance they donated anonymously (either on purpose or by accident)? That does seem odd.
Post # 4
It is possible they just didn’t donate in his name, but still donated to the fund? Othwise, yeah, that’s pretty shabby
Post # 5
@AnonBeeLee: is it possible they did so annonymously or didn’t mention it was in honour of your father – they just made a donation without being specific? If they just donated you wouldn’t know.
Post # 6
@annb9: I made sure to ask the woman if anyone had donated anonymously, and she said no. And that she would also let me know if anyone happened to donate anonymously, just in case.
@Laurenplusalex: The greatest part about the fund was that my Dad was the one who started it, so all donations are “technically” made in his name. But all instructions on donating are for contacting the same woman, and she’s been the one who I’ve been chatting with.
Post # 7
Sometimes people forget to make the donation “in the name of (your Dad)”.
Sometimes they intend to make a donation and forget.
Sometimes they say what they think you want to hear.
You’ll never know which situation was which.
Sorry to hear about your Dad passing away. We are never truly ready to lose our parents.
Post # 8
Well for one no you cannot say anything to them. What is the point in calling them out on it?
For two, they may have made donations anonymously.
I understand being hurt that someone would lie about something like that, but there’s nothing you can say or do about it. You have to assume it was done anonymously and just move on. Also sometimes people have the best of intentions and INTEND to donate and forget.
Post # 9
@AnonBeeLee: I would be upset. However, since it was the majority of people who said they donated but actually didn’t, I would wonder if something was off, unless you know these people are otherwise shady in general. For example, they might not have understood the directions and donated to a national stroke foundation or something.
Post # 10
@AnonBeeLee: No, you can’t bring it up. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt that they intended too and then just never got round to it.
If you want to be sly, you could slip it into casual conversation that the fund sent you a list of people who donated so you could send them thank you notes.
Post # 11
@MsJ2theZ: No donations were made anonymously.
But I do understand that I shouldn’t and can’t say anything. It’s just upsetting.
Post # 12
@AnonBeeLee: First of all, sorry to hear about your father, that must be tough.
Maybe they donated annonymously? Or didn’t completely follow instructions so it didn’t go to his name? I feel like I’d be one of those people who think I did it right and didn’t.
If you brought up the donation fund in front of them it may have felt embarassing to them that they didn’t donate. I do kind of think it’s weird that you wanted the specifics on who donated. I get that you wanted to send out thank yous, but I think people donating (and/or lying about it) is their business.
Post # 13
I think you have a reason to be upset, but I don’t think anything will come of it. Sorry OP 🙁
Post # 14
I wouldn’t jump to conclusions. I know you said no one donated anonymously, but that’s just in his name. Someone could have sent a check to the foundation, without indicating that it was in his memory, and there would be no way for them to tie it to him / you.
Sorry it’s sucky, but please don’t assume that everyone is lying because I bet a lot of them really did do it!
Post # 15
Did they maybe just donate without using his name or theirs? I would be upset, but i would prefer to think that is what happened rather than think poorly of the people I have left that love me.
Post # 16
@AnonBeeLee: I’d kind of be worried that THAT many people said they donated and supposedly didn’t, like there was a site glitch or something?