Post # 1
So, my boyfriend of 3.5 years is lying through his teeth to me and I’m freaking out.
I came over my boyfriend’s apartment early this evening to spend the night with him, thinking he got out at 10 p.m. instead of 11 p.m. When I arrived, his housemate starts talking to me about how my boyfriend has two weeks to find someplace else to live, as the owner of the house has decided to reclaim it at the end of April – to fix it up and sell it.
Apparently, all of the housemates were told the first weekend of April they had to move out by the end of the month. My boyfriend never said a word to me.
His housemate, P, said that my boyfriend said stated that he was very serious about me, and that we had agreed to move in together.
WTF! I posted here a few weeks ago stating I was looking for an apartment, to move out of my relatives to live independently – not with my boyfriend. I have made clear to my boyfriend multiple times – and he knows – I have no intention of moving in together until we are engaged and there’s a date set.
So why the hell is he tellign his housemates that at the end of the month – two weeks from now – we’re moving in together.
Also, my boyfriend’s mom is making a surprise trip to New York the last weekend of April/May. Nearly three years ago, my boyfriend took a “vacation” to Florida to visit his family and stayed there for two years. Now I’m afraid he’s planning on moving to Florida by flying back with his mom.
What the hell do I do? I’m sitting at my boyfriends house, he gets home in a half hour.
Post # 3
Do you think there is a bigger chance of him moving to FL or giving you a ring???
Post # 4
I think you should let him know that you found out and have a serious talk with him about it.
Post # 5
He’s probably embarassed. I would give him space and time. There’s nothing worse than jumping down someone’s throat when they’re stressed/upset.
Post # 6
Calmly ask him what is going on and take it from there. Let him do all the talking. You listen. Don’t jump to conclusions.
He has not lied to you. Evidently he lied to his housemates but I think guys tell stories to one another all the time. Maybe he didn’t say anything to you because he didn’t want you to worry or because he wanted to handle it by himself. Hear what he has to say. If he is planning on leaving, there is nothing you can do. You can’t make him stay.
I hope it works out. Good luck.
Post # 7
@creativeplannertobee: I have no idea.
My birthday is Thursday. he’s been asking me what I want to do for my birthday for months. Which is really weird, because he never ever ever remembers birthdays.
Maybe there’s a ring? But then why is he telling people are are moving in together?
I have now 15 minutes to figure out to ask him, or stay silent and find out if he has something in store. WTF to do!
Post # 8
Good luck! I hope it is a ring!
Post # 9
Maybe he told his housemates he was moving in with you because he intends to propose. In your original post you stated that you would only live with him if you were engaged and had a date set. Maybe he knows this and is making plans.
I’m not telling you what to do, but I would calmly tell him what his housemate told you and ask what he plans to do out of concern. I wouldn’t steer him nor accuse him. Then add something like “I know you can handle this.” or “I know you have this all under control.” and see what happens.
Post # 10
@2ndtime: I took your approach. I asked him if I could ask him about somethign I heard – said I heard from his roommate the landlord is looking to take the house back ad he has to move out. He said it was true, and that he had heard about it while I was stressed out about work so he didn’t mention it.
I told him I was sure he had it handled. It spawned a “god your so beautiful. I’m so happy your mine” comment. Wondering if that means there is a possible ring coming – wondering if he’ll say anything mroe about allegedly moving in with me.
Post # 11
@dragonlover: It sounds like you said just the right thing! Men usually love that extra vote of confidence in uncertain times. Good luck! I’m really hoping there is a ring for you soon!
Post # 12
Well, I have been in a similar situation. I told my boyfriend(now FI) that I wouldn’t move in with him until we were engaged. I had to go to Spain for a few months for work and wanted to move out of my apartment and put my stuff in storage to save on rent. He knew that I wouldn’t move in with him when I get back. Before I left, he propose. I agree with others post. Guys only tell half truths when they are around their friends. Guys are also very good at keeping something like proposing from us. I had no idea and it was a complete shock. If he is going to propose, let him surprise you. It is so worth it!!
Post # 13
@dragonlover: Just be careful he’s not doing it out of convenience, or made that comment to “butter you up” so he won’t be homeless. Like you, I didn’t want to be living with my fiancee before I had my ring. Keep your boundaries clear with him. Good luck, I hope it works out for the best!
Post # 14
@StuporDuck: I agree with you. I sure hope he’s being sincere.
Let us know how it goes OP, we hope you’ll get a ring and proposal soon with the best intentions.
Post # 15
@JulesSchnooks – He’s had marriage on his mind for a while. He scared me by giving me a promise ring (on one knee) in December 2009. That he promised to stay with me, work to improve his situation (then, unemployed and bad financial straits) and marriage me one day.
I’m really surprised, we are soooo open with one another and he did not bring up at all that he told everyone else we’re moving in together. Hm.
He also didn’t mention where he plans on going – I asked him if he had a place, he just nodded and stayed silent. I didn’t want to push or possibly ruin anything – so I just told him If he needed help looking for a place, or knows when he’s moving to let me know the date so I can help.
Post # 16
He’s a guy. They get embarassed about such things. I like that he didn’t want to worry you, and hope this is a precursor to an planned engagement (he may have planned it for your B-day long before learning of his upcoming eviction). I’m not trying to raise false hopes, so temper that day with some reservation and try NOT to expect a ring, even though we all hope you get one.
If he’s not asked to move in with you, and he only has a set number of days to be out, I’d guess that’s not his first plan, knowing how you feel about it. Just stick to your guns, and if he does ask without asking for your hand AND setting a date AND telling the world, then I’d calmly remind that you’d already stated wht you needed before you’d live together,a nd that even though you know he’s in a rough spot you can’t back down on your convictions and still be the girl he’s glad he’s got.