Mad, Sad, and Filled with Regret

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1256 posts
Bumble bee

Pay your mom back for the deposits and elope. The stress and fighting you wanted to avoid by having the wedding to please your mom is happening anyway.

Post # 3
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I’m sorry you’re going through this. 😔 I can hear the stress and misery in your post. Is there any way you can give your mother her deposit back and stick with your original plan? Cause it doesn’t sound like you’ll be at all happy on your wedding day which is a shame. You haven’t sent invites and thats a long list of things to plan in such a short time. Definitely possible but you’ll be crazy stressed since this isn’t something you wanted to begin with.

Post # 4
2307 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Elope!! That’s what we did, and I no regrets!! 

Post # 5
9895 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

tinneranne2 :  +1

OP – if all you’ve done is book the venue it is the time to back out of this! Repay your mom the deposit and ELOPE! You won’t regret it.

Post # 6
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

It would be different if  you  & your Fiance wanted different things, but you don’t.  Pay your mom back the deposit and have the elopement you want.

Post # 7
43 posts

Is the deposit a catastrophic amount? If not, have you considered one of those caribbean(?) packages where they plan everything? I don’t know much about them, but I heard they are relatively inexpensive for what you get, and very low maintenance. Several super-busy career oriented friends have gone this route for these reasons.

Post # 8
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

What is there left to do?

Unless you’re set with an idea in your head for the style, it could be as simple as e-mailing a baker and telling them, “This is our budget and this is the flavour we want, you can pick the rest” and jumping on a website like, finding an invitation you like, changing the information to reflect the correct details and clicking “order”.

“who cares if I have flowers or pictures”

Nobody really and if you don’t either then don’t have them. Two less things to worry about.

Post # 9
985 posts
Busy bee

You’re a big girl and need to learn to say no to your parents eventually. This is one of the most important days of your life. No time like the present.

Post # 10
2245 posts
Buzzing bee

Why did you tell your family that you were going to elope? The key to eloping is keeping it a secret. It’s not an elopement without secrecy.

Elope and pay your mother back the money she’s spent. This time, do not tell anyone your plans. Leave, get married, return, then tell everyone you got married. 

Post # 11
3855 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Agree… give her back the deposit and take that loss. Then elope secretly or have a tiny ceremony with literally just parents and siblings. I’m sure the money you save doing that will be more than the deposit anyway. 

Post # 12
1471 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t understand why, even after you agreed to have a wedding, you thought your mother would plan the entire wedding for you.  It’s completely reasonable for her to give you a set budget amount and for you to budget said amount responsibly by doing your own wedding research.  You have 5 months – you can easily find a cake, florist, photographer, wedding song.  Thank your mother and get to it!  That’s what this website is for.

Post # 13
8957 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Rhopalocera :  

Yes this exactly. OP, do what she says.  Or what pp above says . Planning a wedding doesn’t  have   to be a full time job you know !

Post # 14
1149 posts
Bumble bee

You said you learned from your mistakes by not standing up for yourself, yet you’re still doing the same thing again and expecting anything to get better?

Pay your mom back all her deposits and elope. You’ve upset people by having the wedding, you’ve upset people by not having one. You might as well just elope.

Post # 15
115 posts
Blushing bee

Rhopalocera :  I also did this for a lot of my wedding (planning internationally and just could not be bothered). I called a florist, told them we had x number of tables and I wanted a bouquet for me and a boutonniere for my Darling Husband, ideally white and green-ish and informal looking, with x dollars to spend. Didn’t see the flowers till the day of and they were AMAZING. The venue tried to ask me about things like how to fold the napkins, and passed drinks vs. a service bar and I told them they were the experts – do what worked best in their experience (within the budget) etc. Wedding turned out beautifully and I was so low stress. Don’t spend time planning details when you don’t want to – your vendors have lots of experience so just trust them!

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors