- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
This is half rant/half hoping for some ideas on how to feel happier…
Background: Fiance and I have been together 3 years. I moved down to his city to live with him about 5 months after we started dating (we had known each other for 3 years before that). A year of hell followed, mainly caused by problems with our flatmate.
I moved back to my city, lived with my ex H for 6 months, saved for my own flat, lived on my own for another year and Fiance finally moved up here to be with me about a month ago.
Since he arrived I’ve started a new job, and we’ve got two new kittens. So I’ve gone from living on my own for 18 months to a total different set up in about 3 weeks! And I’m not coping too well…
I hadn’t worked in a year because I had a nervous breakdown. I’m bipolar and basically all the stress of the year of hell caught up with me. The final trigger was that I took a job that I loathed.
And unfortunately history has now repeated itself… Just prior to Fiance moving here, I was feeling very pressured – both by him and other people – to go back to work. I was applying all over the place, and had a 3 hour interview for a job I would have liked to do. But my credit rating is shot due to my divorce, and for that reason I didn’t get it.
Being so upset, I applied for a job I had seen advertised for months. And regretted it immediately. The money is appalling, in fact it is less than minimum wage. I’m nearly 44 and was making more when I was 20! It’s call centre work, inbound calls for a ticketing firm. I originally applied for a 2 month contract working for the Olympics, on a rate that is nearly £1 an hour more. I was accepted, and then after a week (about 3 days before the start date) I got an email saying that instead I was being offered a permanent contract…but on the lower rate. I was less than happy, as I was asked to apply for that position by a recruitment firm about 6 months ago, and refused as the money was so bad.
But feeling under so much pressure, I decided to go for it. 2 days into the training, and we are told that because the Olympic line is so busy, we are being pulled out of training to take calls….at the lower rate. Everyone one in my training group had applied for the original role – so the company has basically pulled a fast one, dangled the promise of a permanent role so they could get us to do the job for the lower rate. I seriously believe that this was planned all along. 2 people in my training group are so angry they leave straight away…
I’ve worked in customer service/care for over a decade. The calls I’m dealing without a doubt the worst. People seem to have lost all reason over these stupid games and are being incredibly rude. I’ve done the job for less than a week and I’ve already being called a cunt, a bitch, told that I’m a liar, I know nothing, etc. We are expected to put up with it. One guy who has worked there for 6 months told me he was so stressed out by it that he was signed off work by his doctor for 2 weeks and put on anti-anxiety tablets!
I’m so angry right now: at myself, for allowing myself to be pressured into taking such a god awful job, at the company for conning us, and at Fiance for adding to the pressure. He’s on a 6 month career break, and has enough money so he doesn’t have to work for at least 3 of it. So he’s sat at home, enjoying the summer and playing with our new kittens, while I’m at work being yelled at, and having to resist the urge to walk out every minute. One girl that I sat in with listening to calls told me that out of her training group of 13, she was the only one to be offered a permanent contract at the end of her probation. The company is always advertising, and has a very high turn over of staff.
I’m also worried about my health. I’m still in remission from cancer, and have a heart condition. My doctors are pretty sure that stress caused the cancer in the first place. So I’m scared of it happening again…
I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t know how long I can cope with it all.