(Closed) Made a massive mistake and not coping…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I have to say up front, I understand the trouble with bipolar (my ex had it) and I’m so sorry you’re going through this and all the health trouble you’ve had. You sound like an extremely brave person to have endured all this and gotten back on your feet. You should feel proud of yourself for that. 🙂

In the end, I think the best advice I could give you is speak to your doctor and try to get more help coping. Also work with a therapist to plan your life the way that makes you happy and don’t feel pressured by anyone, even your Fiance. If you need more time, tell him to back off – if he loves you, he’ll wait. Take one problem at a time, step by step, and if this job is no good for you, leave and work on your health first. No amount of $ is worth making yourself sick over. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sorry you’re having a hard time. Are you taking your medications? You have to do what is right for you, though it sounds like people in your life want you to work to take responsibility for yourself. They are not trying to hurt you. 

I do not have anything more to say that tinajade did not say already…

As someone who works in the cancer world, I feel compelled to state that stress does not cause cancer. There are tons of risk factors- sun exposure, smoking, genetics- stress is not one if them. 

Post # 5
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t understand how you could be working for less than minimum wage, I think it is £6.08 per hour, what are you getting per hour if you don’t mind me asking? Legally you cannot work for less, so you can actually take them to court for that. 

Post # 7
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Well no, you are working 35 hour at £6.08, many people don’t get paid for an hour a day break, so you are getting paid minimum wage. 

Post # 9
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If you are that miserable, then im afraid the only solution is to leave, yes it sucks to be talked to like that, I am regularly sworn at in my job, only you can decide if it is worth it. Im afraid call centre jobs are mostly all the same…they couldn’t care less about their staff, hence, as you said, why they have such a high turn over, as I said only you can decide what is right for you, maybe look for another job just now in the hope of finding one soon.Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Also, is there a reason your Fiance is on a career break? I know if my Fiance wasnt working/in a temp job, there is no way I’d take a career break unless absolute necessary espec for 6 months if I could only afford to be off for 3? 

Post # 11
Member
5220 posts
Bee Keeper

OP-  You’re 44, divorced, now engaged ( yay!) and have a lot on your plate right now career wise. You mentioned you’ve worked call centers before, and they are NO walk in the park as you know. My advice is to either A) quit and find something else or be looking while you’re there  or B) learn how to manage the stressors of the environment you work in. 

I have worked in phone sales the past 3 years and the one thing I have learned is to NEVER take it personally. Sure, they called you a bitch… but they do not know you. 

On to your FI- it sounds like you have some resentment towards his time off, his moving in, and adding all that on top of a job you hate… is too much for you. If you want to marry this guy, you have to find a balance of coexisting with him. Communicate your frustrations with him and ask him to help out. If he is home all day- ask him to clean up dishes, weed the yard, make the beds, etc…. NOT that he is your servant, but so when you get home, you’re time is able to be spent relaxing and regrouping. You can return the favor to him by watching a sports game together or doing some activity that he enjoys, too.

Your job sucks, but it is not your entire life! Focus on the positives ( a new chapter with Fiance moving in, being a pet mommy) and not dwell on the negatives from work. Darling Husband and I have a rule: we each get 5 minutes to bitch about work when we get home, and then we never bring it up again. We both used to commiserate with one another for hours in the evenings, and it never gave us a break from work because we dragged all that crap home! Check it at the door, vent for 5 if you need to and MOVE ON!

Last but not least, talk to your DR if need be. I am assuming with bipolar disorder that you’re already on some type of therapy or presctiption pill? It may not be enough, or you may need to adjust to fit this new time in your life. Don’t be afraid to tell your doctor about your stressors or maybe ( if you’re not already), see a therapist who can help you sort out some of the feelings from work.

Good luck!

 

Post # 13
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Baal:  It is strange to me that your Future Father-In-Law has a problem with you moving in with with ex-H, but your Fiance seems to be okay with it. Also, that your Fiance is totally fine with taking a career break while you work against your psychiatrist’s wishes. 

Just curious, what does your psychiatrist expect you to do to support yourself if you aren’t able to work? Does your Fiance know extent of your treatment, and do you feel like he supports you? I know that your job sucks but I urge you to concentrate more on your relationship and the amount of support your Fiance is giving you as far as your mental and physical well being.

 


Post # 14
Member
5220 posts
Bee Keeper

@Baal:  hm, well comparing your life situations to anothers will always leave you feeling resentful! I know it is hard, especially when you’re in a relationship with someone, but harboring these feelings instead of being happy for your partner and their ” good fortune” will hurt you more in the long run.

I think your Future Father-In-Law is still considering his sons best interest. If it were my son, and his Fiance was still under the same roof living with her ex-h and in a LDR with him, I would keep a suspicious eye as well. I am not saying you’ve done anything wrong or that what he is doing is right… it is merely just a different perspective.

By saying, All I do now is get up, got to work, come home, go to bed.  I get enjoyment from nothing“…. you sound very severely depressed. 

“I’m on anti-anxiety medicine.  My psychatrist doesn’t want me working at all, but I let the pressure from Fiance, filtering down from Future Father-In-Law, to get to me.  I took the first rubbish thing going”, yes, but only YOU can know what your breaking points are. It is not your Future Father-In-Law, your FI’s or your psychiatrists fault that you are unhappy ( in your job or otherwise). I know you probably have enough life experiences to know that it is all a series of choices, and we are where we are based on choices we have made. 

If you’re truly that unhappy and depressed, I would start making some major life changes.  I am no doctor, but I do not think stress alone can cause cancer. I am sure it can be an overflow of what cancer does to the body, and it can worsen your fight against it. It can also correlate to the heart condition you mentioned. All in all– only YOU can know what your limits are. Being resentful, casting your unhappiness on those close to you and being in a sucky job situation are not going to help you any. I know it is easier said than done, so maybe you need to re-evalaute how much this psychiatrist has helped you, how the meds have helped you, etc. 

I say get your health in order first, as best as you can!

Post # 16
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The only advie I can give you is, if your job is a big contributor to your unhapiness, LEAVE. Save up a little money for while you are job hunting, or start job hunting while you are working this one (whatever works best for you). Or if your fiancé is okay with it, just quit! It’s not worth it honey, especially if you don’t even get paid that much…! If your fiancé is as supporting as I’d like to think he is, your hapiness should come first, as you would do the same for him. It might be a good start towards a better life. We are at our jobs 1/3 of our lives… I’d say not working a miserable one is pretty important.

Reference: I worked a job that stressed me to my limit for a year. After two meltdowns, I almost quit, twice, but kept going anywways because of the money… Because I was SO stressed all of the time and very unhappy with my situation, it pushed our relationship to THE LIMIT. It was a very hard time for both of us. I would NEVER work an unhappy job again, never. Our hapiness is way more important than any job will be. I’d rather work a job that pays less and be happy, than a job that pays more and be unhappy.

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