(Closed) Made a mistake!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think anybody will notice. Forget it.

Post # 4
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t stress about it. Most people don’t even realize that’s what you’re supposed to do any more. My parents paid for our wedding but I had the RSVPs come to my house. My mom would have been annoyed with getting them and then having to get the info to me. If you think your parents would be hurt, apologize.  But it really sounds like an honest mistake. 


Post # 5
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My parents are paying for ours and our RSVPs will be sent to my house since I’ll be dealing with the seating chart, etc. 

Post # 6
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I also need to add that I HAD NO IDEA there was an etiquette about this…

Post # 7
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I had no idea there was etiquette about this either… my parents paid for the wedding but I had the RSVPs sent to my house because my mom was too busy to deal with them.

Post # 8
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@redness82:  I wasn’t aware that was etiquette either, and if it is etiquette it is a dated one. Common sense tells me that RSVPs should be sent to the most convenient address, which in this case was yours.

The way to indicate your mother is paying, is by showing she’s the hostess on the invites, i.e. something like

“Ms. Anne Smith cordially invites ….. to the marriage of her daughter etc etc”

If the invites do not indicate this (and even if they do), make sure you give her a huge thank you when you do the speeches!

Post # 10
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Nobody will notice/care. Nobody sits around thinking “Who paid for the wedding?!”, so I wouldn’t worry. If your mom cares who thinks she is spending a ton of money more than your happiness/stress level, then there are much, much bigger issues.

Post # 11
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Katiebug789:  call your inlaws to apologize and give them a heads up about the RSVPs they are about to receive.

Post # 12
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@Katiebug789:  You did not make a mistake. Congratulations: it turns out that whoever told you that you were violating the standards of propriety was herself ill-informed. First, because proper traditional etiquette would have you trust your guests to be able to reply of their own accord, without needing you to provide a pre-addressed envelope for them, etiquette obviously cannot hold an opinion on how you should self-address those envelopes. And second because, even in those long-ago days to which so many people mistakenly ascribe awkward and unauthentic etiquette rules, it was perfectly correct for a hostess to give whatever reply-address was convenient for her — written on the invitation in small print in the lower right-hand corner, for the guest to copy onto her own personalized stationery when she replied.

Welcome to the Bee. Turns out you are doing just fine in the etiquette department.

Post # 13
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

you’ll be lucky to get any responses.  Forget about it ….. they went to someone you know, it’s not like you used an old address. 



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