(Closed) made a mistake

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

you didn’t ‘make a mistake’.  You made a calculated decision to sleep with a man other than your husband.

I don’t even know what else to say.   Are you asking if you should tell your husband? 

Post # 4
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@GroovyHippieChick:  +1


@beebee50:  Having been on the other side of this, you made your bed (literally) now you have to lie in it Trust me your husband will find out Sorry to be so harsh but you asked

Post # 5
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Ummm…you need to tell your husband ASAP! This is not a good situation at all. I would suggest counseling. WOW!

Post # 6
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

These scenarios could have been avoided.  He confessed his feelings for you, and you still agreed to spend one-on-one time with him knowing these feelings.  Then you let him kiss you.  Then, on another night, you slept with him.

You seem to be missing something in your relationship with your husband.  If you tell him and he does not want to leave you right then, I suggest you find good quality counseling.  He will have a hard time trusting you again, and with good reason, but if you show that you are willing to fight for the relationship and regain his trust, perhaps you can move on as a couple.

Post # 7
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@GroovyHippieChick:  THIS exactly.  It is one thing to brush off the fact he liked you.  It is one thing that he kissed you, and you did not stop it.  It is completely different level when you decided to get together with him AGAIN, and have sex.

Never once in your post did you mention that you love your Darling Husband above all else.  That you were SORRY it happened.  You mentioned you felt horrible and sick.  I believe most human beings would.  You mentioned your husband would leave you if you told him.  I believe he has the right to make that choice for himself.

It sounds like this Ryan thing will not end, in fact, I can see it spiraling out of control quickly.  Not only do you work with him closely, but you two developed a much too close relationship that has gotten more inappropriate with each session.

My only advice is tell your husband.  He is the victim, he deserves to know.

Post # 8
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@GroovyHippieChick:  Agreed.

OP, I have not been in this situation before, but my advice to you is to be honest with your husband- You made the decision to sleep with someone other than him.  I know there are many different ways you could go about this, but I’m in the camp of “honesty is the best policy,” regardless of the consequences.

Post # 9
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You made a decision to hang out with a man you knew had feelings for you, have drinks with him, kiss him, hang out with him again and have sex with him. THere is no mistake! If youre asking if you should tell your husband you know the answer to that, obviously your husband isnt the only one you want to be with so get out of it while you still have enough decency left to feel remorse before you hurt him again, not fair! Dont put your husband through this, sorry to be mean but theres no other way to go about it when it comes to an affair, its just plain wrong!!!!!!!

Post # 10
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

never mistake lust for love or drunkeness for judgement – Hunter S Thompson (the Rum Diaries)

Post # 11
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You led Ryan on by going along with dinner etc. I’m not really sure what you are asking here.

Post # 12
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mrsrigsby60:  +1

 @beebee50:  It seems that this relationship formed over time, and you knew all along what Ryan’s intentions were, so to me, there is no “mistake” about it.  Not trying to be rude, but you consciously knew what could and would likely happen if you continued to hang out with him.  My fiance travels a LOT but I’d never consider becoming involved with another man out of lonliness.  Especially if you were recently married, and you’re already cheating on your hubby, I’d say its time to move on, inform your husband and get an annullment.  You obviously don’t love your new husband if you’re able to get to know, become interested in, go on dates with and eventually have sex with another man.

I know this is harsh, but it sounds like you wanted the truth… Best of luck to you!  Btw, this is the same advice I’d have if a close friend confided the same to me.

Post # 13
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

What type of advice are you looking for?

As a married woman, I would never go out for drinks with another man(unless business related or something) because I know that people get drunk, relationships get boring, and shit happens. The easiest way to avoid it is to not put yourself in the situation to begin with. And i’m sure you know that too.

Post # 14
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

So wait a minute.  A guy tells you he is lonely & just needs a girlfriend & so you step out on your husband?

You clearly have boundary issues that need to be addressed stat.  You don’t go hang out with a guy after he tells you he has feelings for you when you’re MARRIED.  I think the dinner alone was out of line.

Tell him immediately.  The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

Post # 15
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m in the “honesty is the best policy” boat.

If you’re asking for advice, my advice would be to tell your husband what happened and then have an honest conversation about whether or not you wish to fix the relationship.  I’d highly recommend couples therapy.

When they say that marriage/relationships are hard work, part of what that means is being faithful to your partner (emotionally AND physically).  If you cannot do that, you owe it to your partner to let them know.

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