Post # 1
Just got off phone with fertility specialist that my OB referred to schedule consultation. My husband doesn’t know this yet & I’m not sure how he will feel about it. I just want to know what my options are. I had blood work done by my OB couple of months ago & results weren’t great…they weren’t horrendous but with 39 lurking…she suggested if I want to have a baby to go see him. I’m really scared…is that normal?
I don’t know if my husband will be on board with this or not. I’m worried also he won’t be honest with me about his feelings about this. I am hoping there are options to try before the biggies (ex/ IFV, IUI….) I know he was not happy when I did the temping & OPKs… he hated the idea of scheduling sex & having to work at it. He loves the phrase “if it happens it happens”. I don’t understand if we are not supposed to have a baby in Gods big plan of things why he gave me the heartache of giving me a pregnancy when we weren’t really trying, let me get to 19 weeks & then crash my world with a baby girl that had birth defect that was fatal. Then why when I convince myself that I’m ok without having a child I get stupid spotting in the middle of my cycle (which I never have) which gets me all excited at the possibilty…then I’m crushed when AF shows (today…3 days early).
I never thought I’d find myself in this situation. I’m sure there are alot of you that thought the same. Any advice on how to deal with my fears? Sorry for the long pity party.
Post # 3
First of all I’m very sorry about your baby girl. (((hugs)).
Being overwhelmed and scared is a normal feeling in this whole process. Especially if you have to wait a long, long time. You are not alone with your thoughts, trust me. There are a number of things you can do before IUI/IVF. A lot of us on the 6 months + thread are working with an acupuncturist or a naturopath. Many have seen great success regulating their cycles and hormones. Some of the girls went on the have healthy pregnancies. TCM (traditional chinese medicine) can be really effective in resetting your reproductive clock. If you are open to this sort medicine you should look into it.
But, I honestly think your first step should be to talk to your husband. He should be involved in these kind of decisions and you should be on the same page. Maybe he just needs some extra time to get his head around that things sometimes “don’t just happen”. Good luck to you!
Post # 4
@SugarBean: Sorry for your loss. Consulting w/ a RE will help and it is a scary process. I know when my OB told me hope was lost @ 41 but agreed to send me to my first RE, I was scared and depressed. After my consult, I was ready to go. Now it would take me a year later and a new RE, but we’re will be starting IVF in August. Now my situation is different but our desire to be parents and the belief we would be, pushed me forward when I was disgusted by issues that continue to pop up preventing us to try sooner. Once you meet w/ the RE, you’ll @ least have a sense of direction even if he/she gives you dreadful news.(I’ve been there)
Regarding DH, it can be overwhelming when dealing w/ medical issues. Early on in my relationship, I understood that I would take the lead on such matters. Although my DH is involved in the decision making, utimately I do all the research and have the final say. DH told me that he wanted to make sure nothing happened to me. Once I assured him that I would be fine and was confident in who I chose, he was comfortable. I do have a team of ppl who are available to me since DH can’t always be there. But knowing he supports my decisions and know I will do anything w/in reasonable boundaries to ensure we become parents, its one of the reasons I married him.
Post # 5
I guess I have some reading to do…. what is confusing is if you are born with the amount of eggs you get, it’s not like you can increase them right??? I guess you have to make sure they are healthy?? Or make sure they are even being released. Deep Sigh…. I’m going to have to have long talk with hubs & I just wish he could see inside my brain to see all the craziness that goes on in there. I am just wondering if I’m emotionally ready for all this trial & error.
Post # 6
Some of the blood work numbers can reveal your “ovarian reserve.” There are a bunch of different factors that predict ovarian reserve, but none are 100%.
The first step before IUI, IVF is usually Clomid. It makes everything “stronger” during your cycle. The other thing a doctor can do is monitor your follicle development through ultrsound to make sure 1) you are ovulating and 2) that you are timing intercourse right. They usually don’t do this unless you are on meds, but they definitely could.
Don’t be scared to go to an RE…I found it to be quite a relief. OBs are concerning with monitoring and delivering babies. REs are concerned with getting couples pregnant.
But definitely discuss it with your husband!
Post # 7
I understand where you’re coming from. After 2 MCs myself, and with 41 fast approaching, I am at the point where my OB says I might want to see a fertility specialist, and I’m a bit apprehensive about that. I definitely want there to be some steps between where we are now and IVF, but I’m not sure what those steps are. (I suppose the specialist would tell me that… ; ) I’m also thinking about acupuncture as something to assist as well.
Maybe (for me) it has to do with deciding to “go for it” all over again. It’s one thing to say, yes, let’s try to have children and start trying, and then another thing to move to this next step of trying with more intervention…
Not sure this helps you at all, but you’re definitely not alone!
Post # 8
Decided over the weekend to cancel my consultation. I’m just not emotionally ready for this. Not sure if I ever will be but definately not now. Adoption in a few years might be a better route for me.
Thanks for the advice ladies