(Closed) made the decision to cut my sister out of my life… (long vent)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It sounds like you two were really, really close. You keep saying you want to “keep the peace” until after your wedding, but then cut her out of your life… why don’t you feel like you can have a heart-to-heart with your sister, move forward with these issues, and have a lovely wedding day with her there in full support, and you do the same for her?

Why is it that you feel you two can’t overcome this? It seems like there is something going on with her/an underlying issue she has with you that really needs to be addressed.

Post # 4
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mrsrecon:  Honestly, I’ve been in and seen situations where people say they will cut family out of their lives. They almost never go through with it for good. Cutting a family member out is harder than we like to think it is…

 

You don’t have to be around your sister if you don’t want to, and that’s okay. Don’t let her get to you.

Post # 5
Member
721 posts
Busy bee

Look.  I hope this doesn’t come off as rude but it seems like 90% of your complaints about your sister involve the wedding.  She’s not helpful, she didn’t get her dress on time she picked her date on an inconvenient day for you…those things make her a bad BRIDESMAID.  Not a bad SISTER.  Then you had one tiny little paragraph about how she uses you as a babysitter and lies.  About what?  

 

 

 

I’m saying this as someone who actually did cut her sister out of her life in December, a sister I was extremely close to.  Wanna know what she did?  She got a boyfriend, her first one since high school (she’s 27 now) and then suddenly I didn’t exist.  We used to talk online almost every day and text constantly.  Then it was a few times a week, then a few times a month, and then she stopped talking to me completely.  For a year.  Yep, a full year.  I would still text her, call her, IM her, beg her to talk to me and tell me what was wrong, try bringing it up try not bringing it up everything.  Turns out she and her mega awesome boyfriend disagreed with a perfectly legal and legitimate business i run (I buy and resell on ebay) and she was pissed my parents were helping me with my lawschool tuition when they “didn’t help her with hers” (completely forgetting she gets paid almost 30k a year on a stipend and does not pay tuition for her phd program).  It “wasn’t fair” that they were giving me money and not her (even though the money was for a huge expense that she did not have).  They promised her to help her with a downpayment on a house to try and even things up and mend our relationship, but that only helped for awhile.

 

 

 

Then she started manipulating my parents into giving her more and more money, trying to “equal” what they were giving me in tuition payments (and it wasn’t anywhere close to the whole thing, I came up with the entire first year on my own) and telling them she wouldn’t see them if they continued to help me and didn’t give her the same amount in cash.  Of course, her wonderful boyfriend completely supporte this idea and I personallly think hes the one who suggested it.  At Christmas she told my mom that if she helped me with my tuition that was due in one week, she wouldn’t speak to them again.  We got in a huge argument screaming at each other and she laughed at me and said she never cared anything about me and hoped I would fail at law school and be miserable the rest of my life.  I stopped speaking to her that day and haven’t spoken to her for the past six months.  It’s ripped my heart out to do that to someone that just over a year ago I considered my best friend and would never dream of making anyone else my maid of honor.  Now I won’t be invited to her upcoming wedding and while I’ll invite her, I doubt she will come.  And no, six months later it has not gotten easier.  I still think about her every day and cry over her.

 

 

 

Just trying to put things in perspective.  Unless you’re not telling us anywhere near the whole story of why you want to cut her out of your life, I think these are kind of shallow reasons.  She is much more than a bad bridesmaid.  She is your sister and barring some huge reveal you haven’t mentioned, while I think she’s acted selfishly I don’t think she’s deserving of you cutting her out of your life over wedding stuff.  Please think about it some more.  

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I suggest going on a “sister cleanse” period of time after your wedding.  Just send her a text saying you need some time apart, during this time you will not text or speak unless it is an emergency.  It is amazing how a few weeks or months will make you feel better and give you more insight on your feelings.

Post # 8
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@mrsrecon:  I’ve been there. I wont go into too much detail because i’d have to write a book but I havent spoken to one of my sisters in 4 years.

We also used to be very close and I would drive over 2 hours at the drop of a hat to babysit her kids but she changed into the most horrid person I’ve ever met.

After about 8 years of being treated like dirt, insulted and put down I finally snapped when she insulted my appearance in front of another sister and then denied it! She even managed to convince everyone that I was lying even though my other sister witnessed what was said!

Anyway that was that, I havent spoken to her since and doubt I ever will again. I can honestly say I’m far happier without her in my life bringing me down.

By the way I’m not the only who thinks she’s a horrible human being, everyone else can see it now too and they’re on the receiving end now but none of them want to cut her off.

It took me a long time to get to the point where I genuinely wanted nothing more to do with her though, in your case this seems to be quite a recent thing so I would say dont make any rash decisions.

Post # 9
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mrsrecon:  I honestly think you should cut her out of the wedding. It sounds like she’s just going to be a selfish nightmare and try her best to ruin your day. Why bother having her as a bridesmaid if you’re going to disown her right after? 

Contrary to the opinions of one PP I don’t think that you’re being overly dramatic. It sounds like your sister has done a lot to hurt you over the past year and if you think that she’s turning into your dad then obviously it’s going to be really hard to deal with her. Only you can really know what to do and if you think this is for the best then I think you should go for it. I hope everything turns out well for you, please post an update. 

Post # 11
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well until that day when you cut her out of your life, I suggest you STOP being a doormat for her. Stop with the babysitting and when she wants you to do this or that, say no. If she has her dress and shows up on your wedding day, great. If not, well no great loss IMO. I woudn’t even mention your wedding details to her and if her FB posts bug you that much, then make it so her posts don’t show up in your newsfeed.

Post # 12
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

So if you cut your sister out of your life, you’d then be cutting your nephew out of your life too, right? That would give me pause.

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