(Closed) Made the Mistake of Telling Single Friends I'm Waiting — Caused Some Issues

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
4066 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

of course it is annoying when someone talks CONSTANTLY about something, esp if you are jealous at all.  But that doesn’t seem like the thing here.  You should able to have normal conversations about your life without them getting upset and mean.  This is an exciting time for you, and they should be able to be happy for you.  So I would opt to spend less time with them.  

Sometimes we out grow relationships.  It can be hard and sad, but if someone is not allowing you to grow in your life, then it is time to move on.

Post # 3
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Exposure (therapy) is what reduces anxiety, not avoidance. Avoiding the topic feeds their anxiety around it. Just do or say what you normally would and they’ll adjust in time. If they were all waiting or engaged bees as well, you might find that they were too wrapped up in their own situation to be excited about yours and you’d have a similar isolation problem. In the meantime, enjoy the company of other waiting bees here!

Post # 4
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

They do not sound like friends to have. 

You have plenty of camaraderie here. You are free to share all you wish.

Post # 5
Member
2175 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If there’s nothing more to this story to justify their behavior, do you really want to maintain a friendship with these people? If you can’t share good news with them without backlash, I imagine you’ll only be happy in their company if your life is in the toilet.

On the upside, if your life is ever in the toilet you know who to talk to 😉 What do you call people like that…foul-weather friends?

Post # 7
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

All I can say is that I’m sorry to hear that. Your friends should be supportive of you. Maybe time to make new friends?

Post # 8
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
jb7979 :  ween yourself off these people. They arent real friends. Real friends gush and are happy for you. You’ll feel better off without them. A few of my girlfriends knew before he asked…and they took me to get my nails done so I looked good for the proposal. Its ok for some friends to be weird and jelly, but it sounds like your friends are kinda mean to you.

Post # 9
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

Are they happy for ANY good thing in your life? If they only resent you when you discuss this event, then I would just avoid the topic when I am with them. They may feel like you are rubbing it in or just being insensitive to their feelings. I do think though, that they should really try to put their personal feelings and insecurities aside and just be excited for you. 

 

Post # 10
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

I dumped one of my best friends, the night I got engaged. He surprised me with a proposal, I called her excitedly, and her words (and I quote)

“What the FUCK. Seriously? Ugh, guess he will just suck up all your time, more than he already does. Also, why THE FUCK wasn’t I invited to the engagement dinner?! I know it was family only, but I’m basically family! <groom> should have invited me, he’s so fucking stupid for not. Well, I better be a fucking bridesmaid.”

 

Needless to say, she was single, jealous, and crazy. I should have dumped her much sooner, but I realized right then, that she wasn’t someone I wanted in my wedding, or even in attendance.

If your friends aren’t happy for you, dump them. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

 My friends, even the single ones, are happy when I discuss things like the prospect of an engagement. It doesn’t lessen their ability for joy and I’m similarly excited for their successes. Your friends might be more sensitive but rejoice when the proposal happens. 

Post # 12
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

I don’t understand why they don’t like u talking about it? Sounds weird to me! 

Post # 13
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
jb7979 :  Your friends are just not that nice. I am not being over the top when I say I have literally watched all of my friends get engaged, even during the two year period I was single I was never anything but excited and thrilled for them and loved hearing that my friends were happy. You do not need negative people like this in your life. It doesn’t sound like you are bragging or only ever taking about yourself, you show interest in them and their lives. They just don’t sound that nice. Focus on other friendships that are more balanced. I am also sorry you can’t share this happiness and excitement with your Mum x

Post # 14
Member
13 posts
Newbee

When my two best friends got engaged, married, and had babies, I admit I was envious of the life they had.  Here I was in my 30s, unmarried, childless, and battling cancer…all the while, life seemed to fall into place for them.  Regardless of how I felt, I was still so excited and happy for my friends every step of the way.  I loved hearing their happy stories.  It was special for me to be a part of it and for them to share those moments with me.  They deserved to be happy and I wanted them to be happy.  In return, they were supportive of me through my dark times. 

I think it’s ok to feel envious once in a while.  Sometimes you can’t help it, but feel that way.  It’s human nature.  What’s not ok is acting out on that jealousy and making people feel bad about their happiness just because you don’t have what they have at that moment.  Real friends support each other during the good times and the bad times.  I hope your friends realize this and can be more supportive of your happiness.  Best of luck to you!

Post # 15
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I agree with what a lot of the other bees are saying. Your friends should be happy for you. Everyone once in a while feels a little envious but to be almost taking it out on you and making you feel back for being happy is just totally wrong. I am waiting to get engaged and when I see another of my friends get engaged part of my heart does sink because I want to feel the happiness they feel, but I am all over helping them plan their big day and I am so happy for them. Friends should be there to enjoy the good times with you and help you through the bad. They need to take a long hard look at themselves!

Don’t let it get you down. It sounds like you are putting more into these friendships then they are. Focus on those that make you feel good and make you happy, you can’t please everyone and you certainly shouldn’t waste any time trying to please people who are making you feel rubbish. 

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