- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Okay sorry if this is a long one, everybody.
I have a 36 year old half sister who lives across the country from me. We have never lived with each other; I actually met her when I was 8 years old. We weren’t really close until I was a teenager and grew apart a little when she got into a serious relationship. Ever since, there has been a little tension between us even though we still really love each other. That’s not really the point but just some background.
She has been separated from her husband for over 5 years and hasn’t finalized her divorce. She got mad at me because on FI’s and my wedding website, I initially listed her as “Matron of Honor”. Married=matron to me. But I understood that she didn’t want to be reminded of her ex so I changed it to “Maid of Honor”.
She has been in a serious relationship with another man since about 6 months after separating from her husband. He hadn’t proposed because he doesn’t want to propose to a married woman. Well, my sister told me she was getting down because I’m getting married to a great guy and she is 36 and still not married to “the one”. She decided to start planning her wedding with her SO in anticipation of finalizing her divorce. Then she bought a ring and her SO proposed to her. This is fine to me because they are a good couple and I want her to be happy.
My problem comes in when I try to bring up something to her about my wedding planning and she responds with what she wants for HER wedding. This frustrates me because she is my Maid/Matron of Honor and I need help planning mine! She ended up setting a date for her ceremony: November of 2016. It is so far away because they want her SO’s son to be 18 and able to come to the wedding without the permission of her SO’s ex wife. However, she ALSO wants to marry him November of THIS year in a private JOP ceremony and then have the big public pretty ceremony in 2016.
Because of this, I put her as “Matron of Honor” again thinking she will be technically married to her current SO by May of next year – my wedding. She got mad again and told me to change it. She said the JOP ceremony is a secret so far so she doesn’t want anyone to know.
This post is not only to ask what you would do about titles, but also to get advice on how to proceed with her being Maid/Matron of Honor. She does live across the country and is unable to help me with planning, making centerpieces, planning my bachelorette party – all those things a Maid/Matron of Honor helps with. My FI’s sister is actually going to be doing that. She got married at the same place that I will be and will be helping me with all the details.
I want to make HER my matron of honor and name my sister maid of honor. Knowing my sister, I think she might be offended, though. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor to her first marriage, but I was only TEN YEARS OLD!. I contributed nothing to her planning. I’m not sure why I was given that title rather than junior brides maid or something.
I just want FI’s sister to get credit for all the help she is giving me. I feel like my sister is a roller coaster and I don’t want to hurt her, but FI’s sister deserves a title like that if she’s putting the work in, right? And my sister can be a “Maid of Honor” like she wants.
I’m so sorry this thread is all over the place. I’m very frustrated and this is a long enough rant so I’ve even left out many details but what would you do if you knew it could hurt your sister, but you still want to give credit where credit is due? I don’t think it would be fair to have my sister fly in for two days to go to my wedding and get the title of Maid/Matron of Honor while FI’s sister has worked so hard and not be recognized.
Help! So very sorry for this jumbled up thought process/venting/word vomit.