(Closed) Long distance MOH. Need advice. Don't want hurt feelings!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 4
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I chose my Maid/Matron of Honor because she is my closest friend, even though she lives halfway across the world. When I chose her I knew that she wouldn’t be able to help me with any of the preparations, but I didn’t really care about that. I have friends that live here who have told me they are happy to help me prepare, and of course they don’t expect anything in return (I’m not having any bridesmaids) because hey, they’re my friends. I’ll probably take them out for dinner and drinks after the wedding. Anyway, my point is, if your Future Sister-In-Law is helping you out of the goodness of her heart, I doubt she cares whether she is Maid/Matron of Honor or not. I wouldn’t care if I were in her position.

As for your half-sister’s attitude, that’s another issue altogether. Judging from what you’ve posted, I feel like she might be the kind of person who will be upset about “sharing the spotlight” if there are two “honor” positions.

Post # 5
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano's Humble

you can have multiple “MOH’s”…I’m having a Matron-OH and a Maid-OH. B/c 1 will be married, and 1 is separated, but nearly divorced.

Her attitude, well, I’d quit including her. If it was me, and she started talking about her possible wedding, I’d be like, “ah sh!t, fh just got here, and I TOTALLY forgot about XYZ and their momma’s cousin’s sisters daughters BFF rabies shot, and heartworm pill appt”…..LMAO you get my point!

Post # 7
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would just have your FI’s sister be a bridesmaid and explain her your frustration with your sister and ask if she would be able to help. I don’t think changing a title really gives someone “credit,” as long as she’s involved in the wedding and you are grateful, I think that’s enough credit. I’m sure she’ll be willing to help! 

Post # 8
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@PonytailKim:  I would be straight forward with her. I would simply say that when you bring up your wedding, it is because you want to plan YOUR wedding and because yours is sooner it’s more urgent to plan. She needs to accept you planning your wedding and not get in the way. Tell her that it would be easier if your friend became the Maid/Matron of Honor because she can help out and your sister isn’t helping really.

Post # 9
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There’s nothing wrong with having two Maid/Matron of Honor or even none at all if you wanted.

If you don’t want to leave her out of the planning completely, consider sending her email updates on your progress and what you’re thinking about doing. If you’re anything like me you’re just bursting to tell everyone when you make progress or need help wtih decisions, so email might be the best. Ask specific questions in it if you want her opinion. Worst case scenario she ignores it.

Post # 10
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@PonytailKim:  Matron/Maid/Mistress of Honor, it doesn’t matter, in the long run. If she prefers ‘Maid’ to ‘Matron’, just leave as Maid, since it’s technically the same title. Smile

If you’re concerned about her helping you plan anything, ask her point-blank if she feels that she can be up to the duties, or if her own ‘wedding planning’ will be too much for her to deal with. If she acts like she can’t focus on yours, you could consider letting her step down, or you could simply have the other MoH take on more responsibilities (if she’s up to it). Hope it gets worked out soon!

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