(Closed) Maid and Matron of Honour…HELP!!!!!!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

There’s nothing wrong with having two MOHs… maybe just ask your friend what she thinks, or explain that they’re each special and important to you in their own ways?

Post # 4
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Talk to you best friend and explain the situation.  If she’s as wonderful as you say, she’ll understand.  Your bestie can still stand next to you during the ceremony, hold your bouquet, and make the toast.  you just want to recognize all the other woman’s work.  And maybe that will make your bff help more with planning.  Or maybe your SIL won’t care whether she’s titled Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man.  My matron of honor is my sister, but she lives far away and isn’t do anything to help the planning (I was Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding, and also couldn’t help from a distance).  So my Bridesmaid or Best Man is doing all the heavy lifting.  I could make my Bridesmaid or Best Man maid of honor, but she doesn’t really care about the label (and actually prefers Bridesmaid or Best Man over Maid/Matron of Honor because she doesn’t want to make a toast).  Maybe your SIL doesn’t care about titles either.

Post # 5
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a maid and a matron of honor.  I think my matron was ticked, but she’s kind of a brat and that’s her nature.  Talk to your friend and explain, like PPs have said.  I’m sure if she’s a normal human being (unlike my matron of honor), she’ll understand!

Post # 6
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

 I am having two! A matron and a maid. its your day she shoul be thinking about you not her! its your day do what you feel is right

Post # 7
3305 posts
Sugar bee

Ask her and see what she says.

Post # 8
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think if you want to have two MOHs, it’s up to you.  The spotlight shouldn’t be on your maid of honor anyway because you’re the bride.

Post # 9
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I was really worried about this, too. I kind of walked my sister through my decision and we reached the solution (to ask another MOH) together. I think it helped that we talked about it together instead of me making the decision on my own. 

Post # 10
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am debating this as well!

I have two best friends (L & M) and they know each other well and consider eachother close friends as well… M recently got married and L & I were in her bridal party but she chose another one of our close friends as Maid/Matron of Honor and really shut us out of the wedding planning process… which hurt me and brought me closer to L because obviously, we’re best friends.

Now her wedding is over and I miss my friend M and I would have always had her as Maid/Matron of Honor but now I want to have L as Maid/Matron of Honor as well so I’d have L be Maid of Honor and M be Matron of Honor and they could share the duties and the speech and I honestly think it would be best for the both of them and me as well… but I REALLY don’t want L to feel shafted because she’s sharing her role even tho she’s been by my side this whole time…

Its tough to not step on toes but I guess I just need to be honest with both of them and see whats what for who… I thought about doing it altogether but it could be awkward so I think I’ll just talk to L first and then M because NO ONE has a title right now so no one can complain… heck I could choose my sister that I’m not close with but meh, that seems silly.

Post # 11
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@missjewels:  It seems like a better idea to me to have either a maid OR a matron of honour, not both… i was under the impression that a matron of honour is just what you say if your Maid/Matron of Honor is married, not an additional role to fill. But then again I suppose, everyone’s social situation is unique and it might be totally appropriate for some people. I just don’t think it’s all that common or necessarily advised to have one of each.

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