(Closed) Maid for the Day…just curious if this is the norm

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I really wouldn’t be that offended by this. At least in my circle, it is perfectly normal for the bridal party to set up the reception. Typically, as we did at my reception, we set up the night before the wedding. I didn’t dictate that my bridal party had to do this but I asked them and they were happy to. I would never have a problem helping someone set up their wedding reception. You are a Bridesmaid or Best Man because you’re one of their friends, so help her out and support her.

Post # 4
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s rude to expect anyone to set up or clean up! If you offer, that’s one thing, but to expect people to is completely wrong. The bridal party are not “employees” or slaves, but are supposed to be the bride’s support on the day of. 

Post # 5
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Dizbee:  Since you’ve all agreed, I guess it’s not that bad.  I think it’s TERRIBLE that she won’t at least be there with you.

She’s a brat…Aside from marrying my Fiance, the thing I’m most excited about is spending time with my girls!!!

Post # 6
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

While I would never ask this of my bridal party (they are going to get the royal treatment with me – hair, nails, etc.) I can understand that brides on a smaller budget might go this route. I think it’s all about HOW she asked you and if she’s being reasonable with her expectations. It does seem pretty crazy that she wants you to do your hair in the morning and then go do 5 1/2 hours of behind the scenes set-up. Is there room for push-back in this situation? Can you ask her to be more reasonable with the amount of time you are all being given to get ready? Seems kinda ridiculous…

Post # 8
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@Dizbee:  It’s not necessarily rude per se to have the bridal party help out with wedding preparation tasks like setup, etc., but the way she dictated it to you guys is rude, and so is the way she’s treating you. It’s inconsiderate and presumptuous of her to leave you so little time to get ready, no opportunity to get your hair done unless you do it early that morning, and to not make adequate, nay, generous provisions for your lunch if she’s asking you to help out with something from 10:30-3:30.

It’s especially outrageous that she’s going to a spa to relax and be pampered while all this is going on. I’m sorry, but the attitude of “it’s her day” is BS. It’s the couple’s day, first and foremost, but that doesn’t give them a blank check to trample all over their friends for the sake of their self-indulgence.

Post # 9
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s ok to ask for a little help – I think I’ll have to ask for help with clean up.  But the key word here is ASK.  It’s very rude to just assume people will help you.  I also find it rude that she gave you all this work while she went and relaxed.

Post # 11
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a small budget wedding and we were asked to help with set up and break down, but she was really nice about it. It was hot as hell though, and I wish we hadn’t because I got eaten up by mosquitos and was sweating a ton. By the time we got to the wedding part of the day, I was ready to take a nap.

Post # 12
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think this crosses the line between “helping out the bride” and “letting the bride take advantage of you.”  I would never dream of assuming everyone would be on board with this idea.  If I needed extra hands– and I need extra hands with many tasks– I would ask select folks if they’d help, and I’d be sure to spread the load around. Handing someone a schedule that involves a lot of time and a lot of manual labor shows little respect for your friends.

Since you are MoH you may want to have a quick chat with the bride about how her “request” is being perceived by those expected to carry out these tasks. It’s really easy to get caught up in all the stress and drama, and forget that other people are not at your command. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she just forgot that polite people ask. If not, then she needs to be gently reminded so that she can show appropriate thanks.

Post # 13
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Dizbee:  I agree. Generally I don’t mind helping out, but I do prefer to be asked, rather than assigned, to help. Althout idk about this one, that’s a lot to ask of someone.

Post # 15
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Dizbee:  That’s the lame part.  She doesn’t seem to care about spending time with you.  I hope you know most brides don’t treat their friends like that!  Don’t lose faith, LoL!

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