(Closed) Maid of Dishonor – Advice Needed

posted 6 years ago in Recaps
Post # 3
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sal5011:  I don’t think there is anything else for you to do to “clean up” the situation.  Your MOH’s erratic behavior isn’t your fault; I’m sure your family and friends will understand that you ahd no control over her actions.  If you want, you can do a simple apology and leave it as that.  This way it doesn’t give people the opportunity to question you of your choice of Maid/Matron of Honor.  Yes, you choose her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor but who knew that she would behave so abhorrently?  

I’m so sorry this happened!  *hugs*

Post # 5
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think your Maid/Matron of Honor should write genuine, heartfelt apology letters to everyone she insulted.  It won’t make up for what she did and the effect it had on your wedding festivities, but I think most people will be able to begin putting it behind them if she expresses herself honestly, and it is clear that she is apologetic and embarrassed.  She really shouldn’t try to blame the whole incident on alcohol, though, it will come off as a hollow excuse. 

Post # 6
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Well, I’m sorry that this happened and it turned something really fun into a little bit of an awkward moment…that lasted 24 hours….I guess it would depend on her track record, if she’s an erratic freak who just gets it over with and spews venom randomly, you are well rid of her, try not the let it mar the great memories of your wedding…however, seeing how you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and all, I would bet that she’s been a pretty awesome friend over the years, and as strange as this incident may sound, I tended bar for a couple of years and I have seen liquor plus meds create some rather unprecidented behavior.  It’s not an excuse, but it does explain it, also, wines are complicated and varied by region and house, she could have been really allergic to something in that wine and not even realized it…which could be a contributing factor.  So, all things considered, it was BAD form, but totally redeemable…if it were me, I think space is the best medicine for both of you right now…you wait until your done being angry about it before you talk to her, because I’ll bet she’s mortified to hear what she did, especially since she doesn’t remember, at all….and really wants to apologize, so make sure your both in the best place for that to happen successfully….I know it was your wedding, but it’s also your life, don’t throw away a good friend cause she chugged some funky wine and went to the zoo….

This actually happened to me, not at a wedding, but I’m really allergic to a certain ingredient in a champagne…hubby and I split a bottle…all I remember is brushing my teeth to go to bed, woke up the next morning sleeping under the piano with him in a puzzling state of undress…don’t remember a thing about the entire night!

Post # 7
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do you think that there are some pent up issues between the two of you that may need addressing?  Her behavior is inexcusable no matter what the motivation, but I wonder if it might be useful to talk to her about what’s really going on.  That is, if you see value in salvaging the friendship.

Her apology is half the battle–a frank conversation is the only way to go forward with clarity and forgiveness.

Post # 8
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I understand that everyone has bad days, but she should not have chosen the days near your wedding! If she is/was a good friend then hopefully you can just be direct with her and tell her what she said that hurt you and others. Hopefully she will believe that she did/said those things and apologize immediately. With a sincere apology, maybe you can forgive her and move on. Without an apology I wouldn’t bother. Maybe there is something else going on with her that you were not aware of and hopefully she has a good explanation and you two can move past this. Good Luck!

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