(Closed) maid of honor added a bustier for added clevage and cut the dress to her knee

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: bridesmaid changed the tea length dress to knee length and added a bustier?
    the other girls should cut their dresses shorter to match her? : (5 votes)
    5 %
    there is a time and place for clevage - not my wedding : (59 votes)
    53 %
    the bustier should be a personal choice and I should just accept her decision : (26 votes)
    23 %
    ask her to drop out of the wedding, she obviously does not respect me or my wedding vision : (21 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You should tell her to to buy a new dress since she ruined the first one, if it bothers you that much.  Or you can have your Maid/Matron of Honor stand out by being a bit diffreent, though I’d def feel as if she underminded me and I’m not sure I’d want her as my Maid/Matron of Honor anymore.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Hmm. Have her bridesmaid gift be a turtleneck sweater, baggy pants and a book on etiquette. Or tell her the other bridesmaids are considering cutting their dresses and adding a bustier now, too, and see how she reacts. Did she consult you first or just drop the bomb with, “I totally obliterated the dress that was decided upon for the bridesmaids and you’ll just have to go along with it.”? Good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1747 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    A lot of brides are choosing to have MOH’s wearing slightly different dresses from the rest of the bridesmaids.  So, in that respect, I think she can get away with looking different.

    I don’t know her, however I feel like she is probably a bit less conservative than the dresses seem to dictate and just wants to feel prettier. And this may be the way she feels that will happen. When you say that the “other girls aren’t as thin as she is” are you kind of thinking they will be uncomfortable with her looking “sexy”. Do you think they will perceive it as her trying to look “better” than them?

    I can see how this would cause drama, however weddings are happy occasions and the less drama for you, the bride, the better. I would make it a non-issue and keep it to a private conversation between Maid/Matron of Honor and I.

    While it isn’t right, I wouldn’t say it is really undermining you so much as not being comfortable with herself in the dress, maybe. I would have a chat with her, a calm one, to see where her head is at. Maybe suggest a chunkier necklace to kind of cover the cleavage?

    Post # 6
    Member
    3482 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I would let the length of the dress go; if she were a bridesmaid and not the Maid/Matron of Honor that would be a bigger problem, but since she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor she can get away with looking a bit different.

    If you’re not comfortable with her amount of cleavage though, I would definitely say something. Are you getting married in a church? If you are, that could be a good argument for modesty over boobage.

    Post # 7
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I don’t really see a problem with the bustier, but cutting the dress shorter was not something she should have done. But, that said, if she paid for the dress herself then she *should* be able to do with it what she wants.

    I wouldnt make the other girls shorten their dresses, let your Bridesmaid or Best Man stand out- everyone will know that SHE altered the dress and will think she’s the one who wanted to ‘stand out’

    Post # 8
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I have to say that I would be so mad if my Maid/Matron of Honor did that to me.  I would seriously tell her she needs to buy the dress again if that’s what you want.  If it doesn’t bother you than thats fine but if it does than make her change it.  Bottom line: it’s your wedding and all changes should be cleared through you first.  It’s what you want not what she or your bridesmaids want!!  I’m so sorry that happened I can only imangine how upset I would be!

    Post # 9
    Member
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    weird. I wonder if there’s another side to this story…

    I mean, I really hope that doesn’t sound snarky, but…that is SO weird there has to be other important details that we’re missing!

    why would she do that other than to piss you off? Did she ever tell you she hated the dress? (did you ever ask?)

    Post # 10
    Member
    3788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Make her buy the dress again, and if she refuses, ask that she kindly step down. Honestly, that was rude. It’s not worth starting a fight over, but it is a respect thing — bridesmaids know when they sign up that the one thing they are going to have to suck up is wearing the dress the bride picks. I think most brides these days really try to consider their ladies’ opinions or give them options, but the reality is that a lot of brides still want their BMs all in the same dress. She can express her personal style at her own wedding. She should have asked you first if it was OK for her to do those things. It was really selfish of her to just go and do it because it does put you in this awkward position where you may end up seeming pushy or like a bridezilla if you put your foot down, but really, she shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

    Think about it: who is going to be looking at these wedding pics forever? The bride and groom! Especially when it comes to modesty, you should not be assualted by her cleavage every time you look at your wedding pics. You are the one who will be looking back at your wedding pics. If she doesn’t like the dress, she won’t have to see it ever again after your day!

    Good luck. I hope she is more understanding!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Is the bustier an alteration to the actual dress or just something she’s wearing underneath?  She shouldn’t be making changes to the dress itself (including cutting it shorter), but her undergarments are her own business.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    She definitely needs to buy another dress!  How incredibly rude and selfish!  Don’t even think about having the other girls cut their dresses.  This is your wedding not hers.  Horrible.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1145 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    If she didn’t ask you before hand I would tell her to buy a new dress.

    Its one day for someone else and she agreed to it. Wear the dang dress as it is.

    Post # 14
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    This depends on how much extra dramatics you are willing to take on during this stressful time. Pick your battles, is this worth it to you? Maybe she wants to stand out b/c she is the Maid/Matron of Honor….I don’t know, and I think she should have consulted you, but just think about it first. Perhaps you could say, “I wanted you to stand out too since you are the Maid/Matron of Honor, so I got you this cute cardigan to wear with your dress, I really hope you like it…..” LOL.

    Post # 15
    Member
    921 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Because shes your Maid/Matron of Honor she can look a little different so I wouldn’t worry about it. She should have spoken to you and getting the ok before doing it though. If you are uncomfortable about the amount of clevage though you should let her know that you don’t think it’s appropriate for your wedding.

    Post # 16
    Member
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I voted for the first two options- if you don’t mind the girls wearing short dresses and are willing to make that compromise to avoid a fight, then have them all wear short. If not, you are completely within your rights to ask her to buy a new dress and wear it as is, or she will no longer be your BM/MOH.

    I agree with you that a wedding is not the place for cleavage, especially when you are in the bridal party and representing the bride. You can tell her how you feel about it, but at the end of the day, she is the one that is going to look trashy at a wedding. Just limit the bridal party pics!

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