(Closed) Maid of Honor ANGST! Need Advice Desperately

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Can you have two maids of honor?? How big is your bridal party going to be? Maybe have NO maid of honor?

I have a very similar situation. My dearest and closest friend (for 25years!) is a mess. She has had so many relationship break ups lately, its a trainwreck. When I talk to her about wedding stuff she half listens and starts looking at fb on her phone or messaging people. The conversation always switches to her and her newest man. When I ask her adivce & her suggestions always have her self in mind. I also have someone else who is MUCH better suited for the Maid/Matron of Honor role. My Sister-in-law who i am not as close with, BUT she has been such a blessing. Her end goal is always to help me find what will make me happy. Its like night and day.

It sounds very similar to your situation.  I say go with the person who is going to help you and be the most supportive. If the speeches are going to be a big deal find a way to work around that. Maybe both of them can make a speech together? maybe each can do one? I would suggest not dressing the maid of honor in anything “special” or having her stand out so your other friend doesnt feel demoted. I think there are ways to do this with out having her feel like you don’t care about her… but also making sure you have support and someone who will be helpful.

Post # 4
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know it happens, but there ought to be a law against “We will be each other’s MOH” agreements. Because so much can change. I don’t think you should be bound by that talk/agreement made back in college.

On the other hand, i don’t think Maria has done anything too wrong since that birthday weekend. I don’t think you can hold it against someone if they’re out having a good time and take several hours to text back.

In my opinion, you should choose your best, most trusted friend. That doesn’t (necessarily) mean the friend who shows the most interest in the wedding, is the most available, or goes and looks at dresses with you. But it should be the one you are closest to, who you can trust with anything, who you know will never let you down. Whoever that is.

EDIT: The post above reminds me: you don’t have to have a MOH! I had two girls and called them both bridesmaids.

Post # 7
325 posts
Helper bee

Hm. This is quite a difficult situation.

It sounds like Maria has changed. The new-Maria is a fun, wild, single party girl who lives in LA and loves to hang out in Hollywood.

You and Maria are in different places in each of your lives.

Friendships are relationships, they too can drift apart. I’m not saying don’t be friends with Maria anymore, I’m just saying that that you and Maria are going down different paths and might not have the same needs/wants as you did before.

What is the Maid/Matron of Honor title giving her; just the speech? Why cant both bridesmaid and Maid/Matron of Honor give a speech then? Let her have her shiny “MOH” title, but then let your other friend (the one who seems to be helping you a lot) give a nice meaningful speech as well.

Post # 8
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My situation might have an easier out then yours does. I have 2 best friends who I have known for 25 years and my SIL. I think I am going to tell her that I dont want anyone to have hurt feelings. My Fiance is having his Bro as the best man so it will be less hurtful for us all if I just pick my Sis-in-law to be mine Maid/Matron of Honor.

I may also tell them that I will not have a Maid/Matron of Honor. In all honesty, I could not put one over the other. SIL is doing WAY more to help though so I think she deserves it a lot….. I will figure it out 🙂 

Post # 9
22 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sromeo:  wow, what a sad situation. Your friend Maria sounds like deep down she is just going through a phase. don’t forget that she was cheated on and was going to be married. Very sad….

Why not make them both MOH’s and give them special roles? Maria can do the speech since she’s known you longer, and the other friend can be your witness or something….

I have 5 MOH’s lol my friends are all special to me in a different ways. I wasn’t about to choose ONE as a Maid/Matron of Honor. Not sure who will be my witness though….lol


Good luck!

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