(Closed) Maid of Honor Blues

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
100 posts
Blushing bee

I think in a way you kind of already answered your own question…. Definitely go out to lunch with the two ladies to brain storm, and right away state how thrilled and honored you are to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and that while you do not have quite the same financial means as they do you really want to have a role in it and help out as much as possible because you love the bride so much and this is very important to you personally. Some examples: Maybe the Future Mother-In-Law and the MOB can pay for the invites for the shower but you address them, stamp them and mail them. You can come up with all the shower games, perhaps make homemade favors…. I don’t think there is any reason the three of you can’t pull it off together and still have your respective places of “honor.” You know?

However, if they are really tough and not letting you have any imput… throw your own shower!! Many brides have more than one shower. You could have your guests pitch in with the food and alcohol to save costs. If you are worried about it being overkill with two showers, make yours a theme shower so that the bride only gets one type of gift (lingerie party, kitchen party, recipe party, etc, etc.)

Some of the best showers I have seen on Wedding Bee and have been to have creative personal and homemade touches… they weren’t necessairly the most costly. Money is easy to spend… Time is harder.

As far at the “rules” of who does what… there really aren’t any true hard and fast rules these days. My BM’s all planned the bachelorette together and are all planning my shower together. You can do it all if you want, but obviously seek their help and imput if you need it. Don’t put too much on yourself. It already sounds like your cousin has the best Maid/Matron of Honor ever… she is a lucky girl that you care so much!

Post # 4
88 posts
Worker bee

i would throw a "stock the bar" or some other theme party for the couple. It would be a young crowd of their friends, so you can go DIY on food and decor — just think of it as a regular party and have a great time!

showers are great, but they are a little stuffy and old lady like in my experience.. i’m sure your cousin would love to have another party that is a different experience from the shower!

definitely help out as the above poster said with the shower, but it sounds like the aunts and moms are wanting to run the show on this one. I think my aunts are the same way 🙂

how blessed your cousin is to have so many people that love her! 

Post # 5
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Perhaps I’m just a jaded ‘4 times a bridesmaid, finally a bride" but I think you should be grateful that you aren’t expected to plan the whole shower yourself.  They are A LOT of work- especially if you want to do homemade touches and all of that.

Traditionally the shower should not be hosted by a family member of the bride (or groom) to avoid the appearance of greed.  However, that’s not really adhered to anymore (my mom and I hosted my sister’s shower).

I think you should tell the aunt and mother that you really want a hand in the shower and you are happy to help in whatever way you can.  Then you can focus on your contribution (elaborate shower games- like the ones where you interview the groom and then quiz the bride, handmade favors, the cake, whatever) instead of trying to spread your time and money thin over the whole shower.

The BMs are definitely supposed to plan the bachelorette- but as Maid/Matron of Honor you are the ring leader.  If the shower doesn’t work out the way you want it to, then focus your time and energy on the bachelorette party.  In my experience, the bachelorette is generally more fun than the shower, so go to town on it!  (But remember how you’re feeling now, and be sure to include the other BMs that want to get involved.  They also care about your cousin and want to make her wedding special).

 Good luck!

Post # 6
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m having 2 showers, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. A lingerie shower in front of family? No thanks! You can have alot more fun if you do a girls night kind of thing, because I agree with Miss Rae, showers can be a little stuffy. And it doesn’t need to be expensive! There are some great ideas on here for sleepovers, or just going out to dinner or bars. Good luck! You’re a great MOH!

Post # 7
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

OK let me second the first paragraph by LaborDatBride and the last paragraph by rosychicklet.  My thoughts exactly!!

If you do head up the ‘activities/games’ for the more traditional shower with the ‘older’ crowd – this is one of my favorites I played at one of those.  Collect pics of the bride throughout her life – baby -> today.  Create a pretty display of all the pictures and number them.  Then create a ‘game sheet’ for each guest with a list of the numbers.  They guess how old the bride was in each picture.  Whoever gets the most correct wins.  It’s fun to see all the pictures, super easy to play, and def a hit with an all ages crowd!!

It is an honor to be moh!  Not just because you get to host parties.  The bride will be looking to you for support.  Let her know you are there with an ear to listen (especially when she needs to vent), hands to help (with any DIY projects), you get to play Bridesmaid or Best Man wrangler since you are the leader.  When she asks all the BM’s get measured.  You can help make sure they all do it and take that load off her list.  

I can tell – you are going to ROCK at MOH!!!  Your cousin is a lucky bride!

Post # 8
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I was asked to be the Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding last summer, and since everything was mostly DIY, her mother and she gave me the double role as wedding planner.

I made sure everything ran on time, helped set up the reception hall and did my duty holding up the bride’s dress while she went to the bathroom. LoL

I just wanted to make sure my friend had the best wedding that she could. But months later, I found out that her now husband decided that he hated me because I was "too pushy" at their wedding.

That caught me off guard; I did everything I was asked to do. I guess, as a man, he just didn’t understand what my duties were…

My point to that story is, even though most times your duties as Maid/Matron of Honor can be clearly outlined for you, others might think you’re overstepping your boundaries and doing too much. Just keep an open line of communication with the bride so that you’re both clear on what she wants you to do and what you’d like to do for her. Then have her communicate your role to the others involved.

Now that that’s said, my Maid/Matron of Honor and my mother are planning my bridal shower together. I have also suggested that they call my Future Mother-In-Law to get her and my Future Sister-In-Law in on the action so that no one in the immediate families feel left out.

My Maid/Matron of Honor knows his role (yes, my Maid/Matron of Honor is my male best friend of 20 years). He’s very creative and in tune with my tastes. He will balance out my mother’s often-mundane ways of doing things. And although both are planning, in addition to my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law, I’m pretty sure my mother is footing the bill.

So just have a talk with your bride and the other bridesmaids. I hope all goes well!

Oh, my my Maid/Matron of Honor is TOTALLY in charge of the bachelorette party! LoL I wouldn’t have it any other way!

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