- 10 years ago
Hello all! Newbie to the board and once I read a few posts I figured maybe I could get some decent advice from anyone that has ‘been there’.
A cousin of mine, whom I would pretty much consider a sister is getting married and I’m her Maid of Honor. While I always knew she’d select me for it, I was pretty excited to have her tell me just the same. 🙂 And she’s the first of us girls to get married so it’s all very exciting overall.
Now from never having been in what I think to be a pretty important role in a wedding before, I asked around and pretty much always thought it was proper for the bride’s MoH to be the one who hosts or plans out her bridal shower. And I’m one of those people who likes to plan parties and decorate and theme and the whole nine yards so I was quite excitied.
Well here’s the deal as it stands now: Her Aunt had originally said she wanted to help out with the shower (as if paying for her dress wasn’t enough help!) and as wonderful as this woman is. .she seems, from what I gather, to get, in the end, what she feels is best. But now she’s currently dealing with some not so good personal family matters so I’m unsure if she’ll help with the dress, so therefore I know the bridal shower will be a must for her if possible.
Then you have her fiancé’s mother, who I guess once I heard this became the main issue for me. Again, she is a wonderful lady and actually really amusing. But now she wants in on this as well and has pretty much already decided her home is where it will be taking place. (And this is a woman who, coming from what I was told by the bride, when she found out they weren’t going to rent a limo, she said no son of hers was going ‘second class’ and let’s just say now they’ll have a nice limo for that special day!)
Now I love the idea others wanting to get in and help but I now feel as though my role in this is well. . .to show up and smile. And I feel quite uncomfortable with offering any decorating suggestions or anything that might "ruin her home". I’ve only ever been on the outside of her home!
And I guess another huge issue for me is both these women have money and are pretty well off. I’m 24 and far from it! And as much as I love the bride-to-be, already she tends to change any wedding decisions to whatever suggestions her mother-in-law to-be believes is best. And she seems to have already gotten used to some of the nicer things in life.
So I guess I feel I just can’t compete and that my role I once thought I had is really nothing at all. My Aunt somewhat understands my feelings and wants all us girls to go out for lunch and discuss plans together but how do I make it clear, without being disrespectful to her future mother-in-law, that as her MoH, I want to take an active role in this, but it just might be a smaller budget? Or am I just getting a bit too territorial (which I could be) and I just need to chill and go with the flow?
Also is it customary for the MoH to plan out the bachelorette party or is that something all the bridesmaids do as well these days?