Post # 1
Ok so my Maid of honor informed me that she can’t afford to pay half down on her dress which is only $70.00. I have been engaged for 3 months now and she agreed to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she also knew that expenses that are associates with this role would be her responsibility. The part that upsets me the most is that she is trying to plan a last minute trip half way across the U.S. But can afford to pay half on her dress to order it! My wedding is Nov 5,2011! I’m afraid that if she can’t afford this then she can’t afford everything else that comes along with celebrating the bride and its not fair to the rest of the bridal party…What should I do?!?!?
Post # 3
Is it that she can’t afford it right now or ever? Maybe she needs to wait until her next paycheck or whatever. It happens. If you have to order the dresses now, maybe you could loan her the money?
I would talk to her and find out a little more about her situation and make sure she understands what you expect of her as your Maid/Matron of Honor. But, you should also be sensitive to her financial situation and not ask her to throw lavish parties for you (not that you are!) Second, I’m not sure why she is going on this trip, but maybe it’s really important to her. Your wedding is no one’s number one priority except yours, which can be really easy to forget at times.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is not in the greatest financial position, so I am very careful what I ask her to pay for and have let her know that I will help her out where I can. She has a boyfriend that lives across the country and yeah, it makes me mad that she spends money to go see him but can’t pay for things for my wedding. Then again, her boyfriend is more important to her than my wedding, which I understand.
Post # 4
I think if it’s important to you to have the dresses ordered already, I would just pay for it yourself. I did this for all my bridesmaids, and just said they had to pay me back before the big day. I was totally prepared for them not to, as well though… but everybody did.
Post # 5
Does she have a full time job? I would say just tell her that you can lend her the money, and for her to pay you back as soon as she can. In this way, you will be fair to the rest of your bridal party. If your bridal party happens to not know what is going on, there is no need to mention it to them and create any embarassment or drama for your Maid/Matron of Honor. At the same time, just reiterate to your Maid/Matron of Honor, that you would like to “lend her the money” to make the deposit so she knows she has to pay you back. As for the other costs, I guess you have to try to make sure to talk to her about how her finances are going in life..maybe there is stuff you could talk about.
Post # 6
I feel like I’m the only one who wouldn’t pay for it for her. Neither of my Maid/Matron of Honor have ordered their dresses, one is going this week and the other has been telling me fore 2 months she’s going to do it and has yet to. She’s too busy blowing her money on clubs and booze, I’m fully prepared for her not to order it and to ask her to step down if it’s necessary. When I asked all of my girls I flat out told them I would not be offended or hurt if anyone said no because I know of the financial aspects having been in weddings myself. No one had a problem with it, and they’re choosing their own dresses so have full control over pricing at the salon and what they want to pay. I’m not asking them to wear specific shoes or buy anything special at all. I also don’t feel it’s my responsibility to pay for their items, I think my Fiance and I are paying for so much already.
Post # 7
While I don’t think she should put her life on hold just because you are getting married, I do think when you agree to be in a wedding you at least need to be prepared to pay for a dress. I would offer to loan her the money.
As far as her being able to afford other parts of “celebrating the bride”, what exactly are you expecting? My BMs had to buy a dress and a couple of them had to travel. I didn’t expect them to pay for anything else.
Post # 8
wow i’m a little put off by all the “my bridesmaid has been blowing her money on X, Y, Z instead” talk on this thread….it really isn’t anyone’s business what your bridesmaid is spending her money on, but if you are worried that she won’t have/doesn’t want to contribute to the bridesmaid activities then i would gently give her the option of bowing out while being really understanding. i certainly wouldn’t judge one of my best friends for taking a trip or “blowing her money on clubs and booze”. our weddings don’t mean our friends should put their lives on hold.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone. She does have a full time job and I’m sorry but I’m not letting her borrow money because I feel like that would be enabaling her. Honestly I knew she wasn’t the most responsible person when I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor but I assumed that she would be prepared with adequate notice. I’m not asking her to put her life on hold by I feel like she buys everything else wants why can’t she have money for her dress. One year ago she was a soon to be bride and expected everyone to have their ducks in a row so what’s wrong with me wanting the same thing?!?!
Post # 11
maybe i’m in the minority and let me preface this by saying i’m not wealthy. i work for a nonprofit. if my Maid/Matron of Honor or any of my BMs cannot pay for a dress, i would offer to pay. i’m not going to let a few hundred bucks stand in the way. i asked all six of my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor to be in my wedding because i wanted them to be a part of my special day. they range from soon-to-be unemployed grad student to successful professionals. i’m planning on making it as easy as possible. heck the dresses don’t even have to match.
i think you either talk to her and let her bow out gracefully and find a new Maid/Matron of Honor or if she’s important to you enough, maybe offer to pay for it and let her pay you back but you have to be okay with the chance of her not every paying you back or it can ruin your friendship.
Post # 12
IMO if she is a good enough friend to be your Maid/Matron of Honor then perhaps you can pay for her dress if it’s only $70. Are you concerned that her lack of funds means that you won’t get a shower or bachelorette party?
Post # 13
I had bridesmaids who couldn’t afford the down payment when it was due so I loaned them the money. They paid me back before the wedding and it wasn’t a big deal. If you’re getting married in November, why the rush to order dresses now?
Post # 14
My Moh told me the same thing…she couldn’t afford the $100.00 dress I had let her pick out…she put it off for months, finally we went to buy it, she tells me she can only pay for half, so I paid the other half, no big deal right?
She is no longer my Maid/Matron of Honor, she continued to take advantage of me throughout the next several months and I finally got sick of it. Hopefully this will not be the case with your Maid/Matron of Honor, but just be careful who you lend money to, make sure she is the real deal. Unfortunaley the girl I asked to be my Moh was not a true friend in the end.
Post # 15
I would offer to pay for the whole dress for her.
I would say something like, “Hey I was trying to find bridesmaid gifts, but if you want me to just pay for the dress instead, I would love to”.
Post # 16
I agree with @thefuturemrsrowe:…if she is saying she can’t afford your dress but is planning a trip halfway around the US, I would tell her you can cover it but it’ll be her gift. I’m sorry but when you agree to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, you know that it comes with the cost of a dress, bridal shower, bachelorette, etc. It’s not that she doesn’t have the money for the dress, it’s that she’s choosing not to spend it on that. If the bridesmaid honestly doesn’t have the money, I would definitely be jumping to buy it for her…but if she’s just choosing to spend her money on other things and won’t save any for the dress, I don’t think that’s right.