- 6 years ago
I was recently a bridesmaid in a wedding that had some terrible planning from the get-go.
There were 3 bridesmaids (me, sister of bride, sister-in-law of bride) and one Maid/Matron of Honor.
In short, all four of us live in different states, and I was only acquainted with the Maid/Matron of Honor. No one ever stepped up to offer to plan a shower, so I offered (with the MOH) and basically planned the whole thing myself. To make a long story short, the Mother had an issue with the day I chose and wanted the shower the morning of the wedding. When we refused, she said the sister and sister-in-law would plan another shower for that morning (the DAY after my original shower).
The main issue is that the Maid of Honor dropped out of the wedding two days before (literally), did not mention this to me even though she had obligations for the shower. I called her and she agreed that she would still pay her half as originally agreed. (her reasons for dropping out were never elaborating on and went between not being able to afford the flight to not having time off work etc. none of which made much sense given the situation/time she’s known about this.)
Well, the shower/wedding was a month ago and while I sent her a detailed list of costs (I planned on getting her portion the day of the shower since there were some costs I had to pay that day as well), I’ve gotten nothing. After several emails/texts, she sent a short text saying that “If I had the money, I would have sent it. And I will send it when I have it.” This makes no sense to me as she’s known about these costs for 1+ year, agreed to pay the cost (my estimate was about $30 less than the actual cost, nothing drastic), and agreed to pay AGAIN a couple days before!
I’m so furious about the entire thing. I wish I had not tried to “do the right thing” and offered to plan this shower at all! I can say that my shower was much more planned than the second one, we played games, did wine tasting and were together for about 4 hours. It was a great time. The shower that her mother insisted be planned the morning of: the bride had to leave 45 minutes in so she could get her hair done (as I told them was a huge issue and they all said it wouldn’t be); and I spent the entire day making sure the bride was where she needed to be while no one else did anything.
I’m just so upset that I ended up spending about $500 rather than the $100+ I originally planned (total divided by 4). I suppose I should have dropped out immediately once her mother demanded it be the day of the wedding, but I simply felt wrong doing so and had ordered invitations etc. At this point, the bride knows that her ex-MOH owes me a decent chuck of change, did offer to pay me herself (which I did not refuse, but told her that is not what I wanted: I wanted her to talk to the ex-MOH).I believe she did talk to her as that was when I got the text saying “I’ll send you a check ASAP.” The next one I got was the one above saying she couldn’t.
I just know that I’m never going to see dime from the ex Maid/Matron of Honor. (And this isn’t a random person either…I was first introduced to her about 7 years ago and was there for the birth of her son/baby shower/etc—we just saw each other sporadically as I lived on the other coast). I sent her a text today (she ignores all calls) asking when she expected to be able to pay her portion and she immediately blocked me on facebook. She originally bought a $600 plane ticket for the wedding, which she canceled, so I’m not really sure how she doesn’t have the money to pay me back.
There really isn’t anything left that I can do to recoup any costs other than take up the bride’s offer to pay the MOH’s portion (which to be honest, I’m a grad student and AM hurting by this—the bride’s family paid for nearly all of her wedding and she herself makes good money). I can’t sue (or threaten to do so) the Maid/Matron of Honor because we live in different states/there is no common location where this occurred etc. The only reason I’m hesitant to take her offer is because her parents’ rented out an entire Inn for the wedding and everyone in the wedding party/family stayed gratis (otherwise I would have had to get a hotel in the area, which probably would have cost me another $120 for the two nights). I also know that the bride’s mother paid for the shower the morning of the wedding (maybe with a small chip in from the sister-in-law with decorations she made).
Reason that this is a consideration:
1. $250 is not a small amount to me these days and the problems surrounding the showers and her maid of honor are not my issues.
2. Even after I begged her, the Bride chose a bmaids dress/shoes that are completely unflattering and I’ll never wear again (at the very least, I also asked her not to choose a strapless dress because I am Dirty Delete and the other bmaids are A-Bs…she did anyway and I think the pictures look a bit ridiculous. They look like we are wearing different dresses completely and I was extremely uncomfortable the entire time/having the pictures everywhere).
3. We had a huge falling out about 8 months before this because she was simply uninvolved in our relationship and she refused to be the bigger person and apologize to me. I simply let it go and agreed to be in her wedding because I felt like I’d regret it ten years from now.
4. Even after the above 3, I still was baffled that none of the other 3 women (who is theory should be much closer to her than me!) offered to plan a shower for her and took the reigns! (and if it weren’t for me figuring out the wedding day logistics, she never would have made it to hair/makeup or frankly, gotten out of bed after the rehearsal dinner drinking…)
Thoughts? Should I just get over it?