(Closed) maid of honor confusion

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you’ve seen so many bride/MOH friendships fall apart during an engagement, then to me the answer is obvious: the Maid/Matron of Honor expectations where you are from are messed up and unrealistic.

I suggest you break the mold and be an easygoing bride. If you need an errand run, ask your fiance.

Post # 3
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Probably not what you want to hear but I am in the camp of taking care of errands and duties yourself and not giving titles because you expect someone to do a job. That duty is on a volunteer basis, just because you did it you can’t expect someone else to have the same priorities. Elect a party planner friend if you want. You and your friend should know each other well enough to understand. For me, the higher the expectations the more likely the disappintment

Post # 4
Member
1388 posts
Bumble bee

I never understand these posts, because I have never understood the idea that a Maid/Matron of Honor (or bridesmaid) has certain jobs/duties that she must do. She is there to support you, there is nothing more to the ‘role’ of being Maid/Matron of Honor than that. If she chooses to honor you with a bridal shower or bachelorette, or wants to help with wedding ‘errands’ then that is her choice.

But with the number of these posts I fear I am in the minority…

Post # 5
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with the above Bee’s.  Alternatively, have a matron of honour and a maid of honour and let them know to split tasks down the middle.

Post # 6
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I was worried about this.. my best friend isn’t really the sort to do pretty much any of the Maid/Matron of Honor duties. She’s surprised me and has been really awesome about being supportive  and helpful.  That said she’s still super super unlikely to plan a bridal shower, bachelorette, co-ordinate bridesmaids (for picking dresses/fittings/etc)… I decided to just come to terms with that and move on.

Sometimes I think about how cool it’d be to rent a cabin with my girlfriends and spend a bachelorette weekend making drinks and hanging out in a hot tub or jumping in the lake, and am a little sad because I know there’s no way it’ll happen.  But most of the time… I’m just super happy to have my best friend as my Maid/Matron of Honor, listening to me go on and on and on and on about wedding crap, being just as obsessed as me about stupid things like what everyone will wear.

If you really want all that other crap that this Maid/Matron of Honor might not be able to pull through on… do what you need to do.  You said it yourself though–you know the risk you’re running by assigning a second Maid/Matron of Honor.  Toes might be stepped on, feelings might be hurt, etc… but you’re also way more likely to get the things you want.  You’ll just have to figure out the likelihood of a bad outcome if you make that move, the likelihood she’ll drop the ball if you don’t, and how dissapointed you’d be if you didn’t get a perfect bridal shower or bachelorette party.

Post # 7
Member
30401 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Given that you have your expectations of the role of Maid/Matron of Honor, that you aren’t about to change, I suggest you ask someone who can fulfill them.

Post # 8
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
pinktulleaffair:  I chose my maid of honor, knowing full well that she would have difficulty with planning and organizing certain things. For me, it’s okay because my SIL and other Bridesmaid or Best Man are stepping up to help in certain areas, and she is totally cool with it. She’s just shy and she is actually going to be in a wedding for the first time in October, so all the regular Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff is new to her.

If having others Help out is possible, that would likely be best. 

Post # 9
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
pinktulleaffair:  Don’t have two maids of honor. I was a co-maid of honor and it was confusing. I think I was supposed to be the “reliable friend” while the other maid of honor was the “childhood” friend. It was very uncomfortable for me.

I would just be gentle with your current Maid/Matron of Honor about your expectations and try to guide her along the way, but don’t be upset if things don’t meet your expectations. Some people just aren’t great at party planning.

Post # 10
Member
6259 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t see why the bridesmaids can’t be equally involved in event planning, if they wish to plan events for you.  When my closest friend got married, she picked her sister as Maid/Matron of Honor instead of me. But she made me aware that she really wished it could have been me – it’s just best to keep sisters happy and feeling wanted.  There was never a question of sister taking over all the shower planning (she didn’t have or want a bachelorette).  The three of us in the wedding party planned it all together.  I wouldn’t accept Maid/Matron of Honor position if I knew it was just a job.

Post # 11
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
pinktulleaffair:  my sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor, she gave the speech, signed the register and stood next to me.  Another Bridesmaid or Best Man who is much more suited to the actually planning and assisting did that for me.  She ran the show day of (handled everything that needed handling and made sure I didn’t know about any of the ‘problems’).  She wasn’t a co-MOH or anything, just an amazing friend happy to help out when she knew my Sister-MOH wasn’t able to.

Post # 12
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
pinktulleaffair: I’m not even going to touch on the “MOH does all the work” part but I just want to say that you’re already judging her before anything even happens yet which is a recipe for disaster. It’s like you’re expecting her to stuff up so any tiny little mistake which ordinarily wouldn’t matter at all will be magnified in your mind and appear worse then they actually are. You never know, she may surprise you. Just lay down your expectations early and give her a chance to step-down if she feels she cant fulfil them. If she says she’s onboard then just see how it pans out. When the time comes for planning everything and you feel you were correct in your assumptions that she wasn’t able to make it all happen then sit her down and explain that you feel it’s not working, that it’s hard with her being away and that you would like her to be a bridesmaid instead. You have asked her now so you need to at least give her a chance to be Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 13
Member
6607 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wedding errands?!?! Bless your heart! Where is your fi? He is supposed to do errands with you!

The topic ‘maid of honor confusion’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors