(Closed) Maid of Honor Dilemma

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I don’t think it would be a problem if you asked someone to be the stand-by Maid/Matron of Honor.

Just try to choose someone who is close enough to you who understands the situation; that way she won’t feel jilted if/when the official Maid/Matron of Honor announces she can maintain her position.

Perhaps a cousin or another friend? Someone you’ve known a while and feel close to. You want to look back on that day and think of the people who meant the most to you. And remember the toast; your Maid/Matron of Honor will have to know enough about you to make a memoriable speech at the reception!

Good luck!

Post # 4
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Why exactly do you need a stand in? The Maid/Matron of Honor is really just there to be recognized and honored, so if she can’t be there for health reasons, I think it would be nice to just mention her in the program or something and let her know that there really is "only one Maid/Matron of Honor." The stand person in isn’t going to feel very honored at this point, and neither will the real Maid/Matron of Honor if you run out to replace her.

This is especially true if no one even really comes to mind. Although, if you really just want someone there, perhaps have your best man’s date escort him down the aisle and then sit down in front?

Post # 5
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with Cricket… if no one comes to mind, then you could definitely do the wedding without a Maid/Matron of Honor.  Definitely have at least a Day of Coordinator though, to pick up the slack!

Post # 6
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I also agree with Cricket.

Just from personal experience, I went to a destination wedding where the Maid/Matron of Honor needed to stay home, and the bride chose another person to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. The problem was that her stand-in Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t really want to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, and just wanted to enjoy her vacation as a wedding guest. Though both girls acted immaturely (the bride was a bit needy and the Maid/Matron of Honor was a bit self-centered), having a Maid/Matron of Honor really wasn’t necessary. It caused a HUGE problem with all of the guests (there was so much drama that we all knew about it and were caught in the middle), and as a result, they’re not friends anymore.

Post # 7
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

I think is horrible that what comes to mind first is how your wedding party is gonna look! I hope your Maid/Matron of Honor gets better!

I would not replace her…I’ll leave the special place for her…if you’re bent on having someone…anybody…get a BRIDESMAID…not a Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Post # 8
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I agree with Cricket. You don’t really need a Maid/Matron of Honor. Also, were you at all concerned about her getting better or is this all about your wedding? Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what it seems like. Take a few steps back maybe. She could die from a blood clot…that would really screw up your wedding. How dare her!!!

Post # 9
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

hopefully, your Maid/Matron of Honor will be ok.  in case she isn’t able to attend, perhaps ask your best friend and have a man of honor instead?  a bit unconventional, but possible.  either that or go without, if you can.


Post # 10
41 posts
  • Wedding: June 2008

If she can’t come, I’d go without an Maid/Matron of Honor and ask some trusted friends to pick up the slack in terms of being a point person and helping with dressing/decorating/etc.  I hope your friend gets better though!

Post # 11
37 posts
  • Wedding: December 2008

At all the weddings I’ve been to the Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man act as witnesses on the marriage license, so check to see if you would still need someone to do that even if you decide not to have a stand-in.

Post # 12
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

V, I am sure that this is not the very first thing that came to her mind upon hearing her maid of honor is ill, she probably is choosing to keep that part to herself and choosing to ask the hive a wedding related question.  I can understand that in addition to not having her friend there by her side will be difficult enough, and now to add the stress of losing an attendent.  While wishing her friend well, Girlie must also think about how that is going to affect her wedding day, and to plan accordingly.  That said, yes, Girlie, find a back-up.  A maid of honor does way more than just sign your marriage certificate, you will need someone to help you get ready, to be a go-to person, and provide emotional support.  It may not be necessary to tell your current Maid/Matron of Honor that you are looking/have found a potential stand in, but a prepared bride is a happy one!

Post # 13
106 posts
Blushing bee

Hmm.  So sorry about your friend’s health situation; I hope she gets good news soon.

I would wait until you know for sure whether she’ll make it before you ask anyone else, since you might not need to ask anyone.  (I’m assuming that, since you have just one attendant, any possible stand-in won’t have to wear a particular dress.)

There’s certainly nothing wrong with going MOH-less.  You might just want to figure out somewhere to place your bouquet while you’re exchanging rings.

The witness thing is a non-issue; guests can do that for you. 

Post # 15
378 posts
Helper bee

Maybe ask her about it and how she feels? At that point she may not feel up to standing up, health-wise. Also, instead of "replacing" her, why don’t you ask another friend to be a bridesmaid, regardless. That way, if your sick friend doesn’t stand up with you, you’ll have someone there, and if your sick friend can make it, you’ll have two someones! And then no one is "replacing" another person and you’re not up there by yourself without any support.

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