Post # 1
Alright bees, I absolutely need advice on this! I asked my younger sister to be my maid of honor. Last night we got into a huge argument over past sibling issues and she quit. My parents are saying she didn’t mean it, but I have a hard time being okay with her trying to hurt me by just quitting. At this point I don’t know if I even want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s been pretty difficult with finding Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, jewelry, etc and is the only one who won’t really just go along with things. I don’t think she is jealous, but I do think she has some personal issues of her own that she is dealing with that are in the way. I refuse to be held hostage by her with the I am/I’m not Maid/Matron of Honor decision. What would you do?
Post # 2
I wouldn’t have her as my Maid of Honor.
She’s making the process difficult, and that’s reason enough to have someone else fill that position.
Post # 3
If your relationship is important to you and this is really just an “im mad, hear me roar” moment for her, you dont want to make a decision that will damage your relationship for years to come based on both of you having a low tolerance for each other right now in this moment. Talk it out… I’m sure you’re not the only one with hurt feelings!
Post # 5
I definitely wouldn’t have her as my Maid/Matron of Honor. My sister was just a bridesmaid (I didn’t even want that).
Post # 5
You don’t really need a Maid/Matron of Honor, so don’t let this interfere with your plans.
Either you and your sister mend things in time and she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, or the day before your wedding, you can ask a bridesmaid to take over the Maid/Matron of Honor duties or split them among your bridesmaids. There’s absolutely no need to rebrand one of your bridesmaids as your Maid/Matron of Honor, or give her a shiny badge so everyone recognizes that she is Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 7
I do value our relationship, and there is a 65% chance everything is okay. But…and this is a big BUT….that other 35% is a doozy! When we aren’t okay, we are all the way on the outs. I’m not sure if I have it in me to let her take center stage playing the victim. I know her feelings are hurt too, but 4.5 months away from the date I am running out of time to cater to her feelings. My fiance and I are doing all of the major planning. I really don’t want to be the big, bad b*tch. I swear weddings can bring out the worst in people!
Post # 8
DancinBride: I think it’s important to talk it out with her, but I wouldn’t reinstate her if she quit during a fight. You can’t control when another fight might happen again, and you don’t want to stress about her doing it again a week before the wedding! If you can make her a bridesmaid instead, I would do that. If she apologizes and says she would still like to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, I would suggest her being a bridesmaid instead (because if this happens again, it’s not as big of a deal). I know this is a little unrelated, but this is a similar reason to why Fiance and I decided not to involve his mom deeply in the wedding–when her and Fiance get into arguments, she will always do something like this to try to get even with him, and she always picks the fights at the most stressful times.
Post # 9
Definitely talk to her about it. Tell her that she cant use this as a scape goat for her own issues. Ask her if she still wants to be, and that she has to be definte about it!
Post # 10
DancinBride: If this just happened last night, I would leave the situation alone for a while till you both have time to cool off.
Post # 11
DancinBride: I understand how you feel. I’d maybe try talking it out, but if she makes it clear that she doesn’t want to talk, then hey, that is on her. This is your day, and if she is choosing to make your day about unresolved issues you two have, then that too, is on her. You honored her by asking her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and if this is how she’s going to repay you, I’d totally understand why you wouldn’t want her as an Maid/Matron of Honor.
I hope it works out for you. Yes, weddings can and do bring out the worst in people. Trust me, I know. Going through that with my brother right now.