(Closed) Maid of Honor from hell?!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

The good news is that there is still plenty of time to replace and as an added benefit, you will likely lose the “friendship” by replacing her.  Win Win!!

Post # 3
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Why is she still your friend?  She’s using you to boost her own self confidence.  Boot her out, let the friendship go and be happy.

Post # 4
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
spookybride17 :  This is usually the point where people tell the bride they are being rude or terrible or Bridezilla. You however are none of those tings. It seems like you would be better off telling her that you don’t want her in the wedding or in your life anymore. Ain’t no body got time for a “friend” like that.

Post # 5
Member
30400 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

More than likely she has always behaved like this. The difference is that now you are her target, and you are seeing her behavior from a new perspective.

You have 3 choices:

Asking her to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor would be friendship ending.

You can speak up and tell her how hurtful her behavior is. She may step down on her own as it doesn’t sound like she has much insight into how she comes across, and is likely to be furious with you.

You can acknowledge what she says and then carry on planning what you want (making a conscious choice to NOT let her push your buttons) “Thanks  Maid/Matron of Honor, I will take that into consideration when I make my decision.”

Post # 6
Member
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

why are you friends with this person? just because you’ve been friends for a long time, doesn’t mean she’s a good person, or a real friend.  i think if you cut her loose, you will feel a huge weight lifted from your world. 

we teach people how to treat us. you’ve been tolerating this behavior, for what?  i would not only cut her out of the wedding, as well as out of your life. the more we rid our lives of toxic people, the more free we become. 

Post # 7
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

Dump her.  Life’s too short for this.

Post # 9
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I had my friend of 10+ years be one of my bridesmaids & I regret it. She has always been the Debbie Downer type of girl. Puts me down just like you’re saying, rude to all of my other friends. I wanted the exact same Bridal Party as you, a sleepover & movie night wtih my girls the night before the wedding. I told my girls months in advance that we would not be doing any strippers, clubs, or bars, to which they were all relieved to hear. NONE of my bridesmaids are party girls, they hardly even drink. This one bridesmaid, let’s call her Sarah, was so ungrateful & rude to my mom & I.

The day before the wedding, my mom paid for all 5 of my bridesmaids to get their manicures & pedicures, their lunch, their dinner, the house was decorated, we had the Bridesmaids movie to watch, we were all having fun. Then Sarah starts acting weird & rolling her eyes at everyone in the house. In front of everyone, she asks my Maid/Matron of Honor “so THIS is all we’re doing?? I’m wasting my Friday night to do this??” & my Maid/Matron of Honor was so shocked, like yeah no shit this is what we’re doing, this is what the bride wants & you all said it was perfect bc you don’t drink or party.

Sarah was mean to everyone the rest of the night, sulking in another room texting her mom talking shit. Her mom & my mom are close friends. Next thing I knew, her mom SHOWED UP to my mom’s house & was shaming my Maid/Matron of Honor in front of EVERYBODY saying “What are you doing? Your guests are bored, this isn’t a Bachelorette party!!” 

I pulled my mom aside & told her I wanted Sarah to leave, & I didn’t care for her to be my bridesmaid anymore bc she always acts this way. We both decided that with the wedding the next day, to just suck it up & not make a scene. The day of the wedding she left at 9pm, bc she was fighting with her boyfriend (who was at the wedding too). She started blowing up my phone WHILE I WAS STILL AT MY OWN WEDDING about how angry she is with her boyfriend & how her dad doesn’t like her boyfriend, what should she do, blah blah blah.

I waited a few days for an apology for the Bachelorette party incident, she never apologized, in fact, she actually argued me over what she did when I brought it up. It was sad to end a friendship right after my wedding, but it had been MONTHS in the making… She was always a really bad friend & with 10 years under our belts PLUS our moms were close friends, I knew it would’ve caused drama if I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid.

It’s been 3 months & I still don’t talk to her. Best decision I ever made.

Post # 10
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

You are letting her ruin your wedding excitement. Tell her to chill out because she is making things shitty for you. Or replace her.

Post # 11
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
spookybride17 :  Is she Bi polar or have any kind of medical condition??? It sounds like she may suffer from something along those lines… jealousy ect being paranoid it sounds like it… I think maybe you guys should sit down and talk and just tell her how important this is to you and that you choose her to be your moh and tell her why …. Maybe try and meet her half way? I am sure she has good intentions and wants you to have the best bacholorette party… Try not to shoot down her ideas try to tell her maybe we can do something that suits us both..I just feel like you shouldn’t let her push you around and just try and work things out 

Post # 12
Member
7257 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

She sounds awful! Especially that being mean to you thing. I think that’s plenty enough reason to demote her (in your wedding and in your life).

Post # 13
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

You said that this person is your maid of honor and you want someone else to be matron of honor but think that this “friend” will pitch a fit? Stop all wedding plan talk with her – she doesn’t like your plans and is rude about it. Stop bachelorette party talk with her- she’s rude about what you want to do. Tell her that you’re going to also have a matron of honor and who it is and that that person is going to plan the bachelorette party bc you two agree on what you’d like it to be. Tell her that the matron is happy to get along w her and that it won’t work if this “friend” doesn’t get along w the matron. She’ll probably threaten to step down or say she wants out of the wedding- say “okay.”

Post # 14
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
spookybride17 :  Oh bee… I feel you. My Maid/Matron of Honor is not mean to me normally, but holy freaking cow did she do a number on me during the wedding. We’ve been friends for TWENTY years, I was nothing but supportive during her wedding and she was nothing but arguementative and mean during mine. It got to the point four months out that I had to tell her we couldn’t talk about the wedding at all anymore. Although I tried to keep up normal conversation with her (calling to check in, texting to ask how her work day went) she basically didn’t talk to me except to come to my bridal shower. As far as her behavior toward me the day of the wedding, it was fine (after I had to fight with her to get her to not just show up at the ceremony but come do pictures with all of us) but apparently she was pouting all day, which I didn’t notice. I had several people ask me if she didn’t approve of my marriage or hated weddings or what. As a result, I have very few pictures of her all day because even my photographer noticed and was purposely avoiding documenting her face. 

But… in your case it sounds like she’s always awful. CUtting her out of your wedding will for sure end the friendship, so if you’re ready to do that I would go for it now. Otherwise, be frank. Let her know that she’s making you feel bad and that her arguing about all aspects of the wedding is sucking the joy out of it for you so you need to not talk about it with her anymore. I’d recommend just planning your horror movie night on your own (since it’s relatively simple) and just invite your girls to come over. Try to focus on the people who are being supportive and loving. I’m sure they far outweigh this one sourpuss. 

Post # 15
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

Hey month twin!  OMG.  This post literally could have been written by me (down to the Bridal Party idea) if I were still friends with the girl who was initially going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor (we ended up having a falling out about a year before I got engaged, so I guess I dodged a bullet there).  They almost sound like the same person.  The good news is, even though I kinda miss some of the fun things we used to do together, I ended up being kinda better off without that “friend”.

If you want to get rid of her, now’s the time before the situation can get any worse/more complicated.  If not, try talking to her and letting her know how you feel…that you’re excited to have her in your wedding, but it feels like she’s trying to complain about/disregard everything you and Fiance said you wanted, and it’s adding extra stress to the wedding planning.

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