Post # 1
I have a bit of a problem. I have a friend who I have known and been close with for awhile now, and she has automatically assumed she is going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She has in the past made comments about how excited she is to plan the B-Party and shower and how excited she is…and that I am for sure going to be her Maid of Honor when she gets engaged and she better be mine.
My issue is that I am not sure I want her as my Maid/Matron of Honor. She is a very assertive girl, and gets offended very easily…she is also known to get jealous in situations like this. A mutual friend of ours recently got married and I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and she was the Maid/Matron of Honor. She drove me completely nuts and it wasnt even my wedding. She tried to plan everything as if it was her wedding and cont. made comments about well thats what I would do, and I want this at my wedding or I wouldnt of done that. She even took it upon herself to try and tell the photographer certain poses that she should have us do. She was calling the bride and brides mother daily about her ideas and plans and then was pissed off when they didnt include her in a decision.
Another issue I had was she made the other Bridesmaid or Best Man feel less than she was. She introduced herself everywhere she went with Maid/Matron of Honor before her name, and always took it upon her self to say well im the Maid/Matron of Honor so i will explain what is going on. The bride didnt have the courage to stand up to her and tell her what she wanted so she ended up just doing things behind her back so she would have no say.
I am in a rough place because I am wondering if I should just give up the Maid/Matron of Honor idea. The only hesitation I have is that all my girls live in different states/countries…so planning and getting everyone together is going to be very difficult and I am worried about certain duties the Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to have getting done.
Post # 3
@excitedbride2014: Are you close enough with her that you can have a serious talk with her and tell her the way she behaved as the other brides Maid/Matron of Honor is NOT how she will behave with you?
Also, you could go the route of NOT having a Maid/Matron of Honor whatsoever because “there are too many wonderful girls to choose from”.
Post # 4
Do you have someone else you had wanted as MoH? Like if you have a sister or a lifelong friend, she sounds like she’d maybe get mad but would also be more understanding if you were like, “Listen, you’re really important to me and I def want you in the bridal party, but I want my sister/lifelong childhood friend to be MoH. It’s not about you it’s just that they’re family” or something like that.
Otherwise I’d just have to be straight with her. It doesn’t sound like she’d be very good for you and cause you a lot of stress if you went with her bc she assumed it. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me, after all.
Post # 5
It seems like you’ve already made up your mind about not wanting Pushy Paula as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Don’t let her hold the “you’ll be my Maid/Matron of Honor so I should be yours” line over your head. Tell her something like, “I’m so glad you’re exited about my wedding. Kate is my Maid/Matron of Honor and I think she’d love to hear some of the shower ideas you’ve got.”
I was in a wedding last year with no Maid/Matron of Honor and it was… not ideal. No clear organization in terms of who would take charge of what. The bride asked us to give a group speech, and we didn’t plan it until we were doing hair the day of the wedding because we wanted everyone’s parts to flow together. I really think everyone was assuming someone else would step up. Like “Ann has known her the longest so she probably has a great idea for a speech” “Britt lives closest so she should be the one to look in to shower venues” “Caya is type A so she’s probably making sure Bride doesn’t need help” That kind of thing. The more people in your party, the more you need a Maid/Matron of Honor