Maid of honor- how to approach bridesmaids to contribute to bridal shower?

posted 1 month ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
6436 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

The best way is to inquire. Would you like to participate and if so, what budget would you feel comfortable contributing? $10 is dang cheap and I’d be thrilled with that. I’d be more disappointed that I wasn’t involved in developing the shower in the first place. So just ask, don’t tell.

Post # 3
Member
6311 posts
Bee Keeper

You have to ask if they want to be involved before you let them know what their obligation is. That said, I’ve spent a hella lot more than $10 and a bottle of wine to co-host any of the showers I’ve been involved in. 

Post # 4
Member
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

bluejaybride :  Have these BMs already agreed to contribute anything to this shower? That’s not really something you can dictate after the fact. Either they offer their help/money in the beginning or they don’t and you do without it. 

Also, if you’re just asking for $10 from each person, is it really necessary? 

Post # 5
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

Wow, what an affordable shower.

I would just send it out in the email thread. Yes, etiquette suggests asking beforehand, but honestly I wouldn’t be offended at all to get a :

“Hey Bridesmaids, the shower is quickly approaching. Bride’s mum and I have got most of it under control. We’re looking for $10 per person to help cover food, and if you would please bring a bottle of wine. You can etransfer me at [email protected]l.com or give me cash. Appreciate the help and looking forward to celebrating Bride’s day.”

Post # 6
Member
11771 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Putting the very reasonable amount aside, the proper answer remains the same. You don’t. It’s wrong to bill people for something they have not volunteered to do. In the absence of such offers, host a party within your own means. 

The fact that no one has responded to your online comments suggests disinterest. The most you can do is offer the opportunity for anyone who wants to be involved. 

Throwing a shower is a thoughtful and generous gesture but it is also completely optional, voluntary, and in no way an obligation of the bridesmaid’s role.  

Post # 8
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

duble posted 

Post # 9
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

In my job I have to coordinate with a bunch of people who also don’t respond so now if I need something done right away I message them individually. I feel like it it’s easier to ignore a group message specially if others don’t also respond. Message them individually ( i know pain in the butt but you can copy paste the same message). Something very simple like a pp worded above. 

Also i would just say also please bring this (snack name) if possible to each brides maid that way they know what they have to bring. Otherwise you might end up with 6 bags of chips or veggies idk. Just be as precise as possible 

Post # 11
Member
6311 posts
Bee Keeper

bluejaybride :  Do you have a back-up plan to cover costs and wine/snacks if they won’t contribute and/or aren’t even planning to attend? 

Post # 12
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

bluejaybride :  

I just looked at an old chat thread from a bachelorette I hosted. The bride did not have any wedding attendants…

“Did some hunting and we could do dinner, games and pre drinks at my house, and then a drag show with Carly’s Angels. If everyone was down with that, I’d probably grab $100 off everyone? It would cover your ticket ($55), splitting A’s ticket 5 ways, $10 towards decorations each, and then $25 for A’s dinner and drinks. I’ll cover any difference over, plus drinks and appies at mine?”

Everyone e-transferred me within a few days.

Post # 13
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Courthouse

I paid for 100% of my sister’s bridal shower. She didn’t have a bachelorette.

As maid of honor for my best friend, I had the bride send me everyone’s names and numbers in the bridal party. Then I group texted everyone ‘hey ladies, I’m planning doing X for the shower/bachelorette if everyone can contribute $Y. Does this work for you?’ A group text chat makes it super easy.

Post # 14
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

 If you are going to ask for the money anyway, why don’t you ask for more since your personal financial sitution is so dire.    I would send this message, individually.

 

Brides Mother and I have been working together to plan the shower.    If  you are willing to contribule, we are currently asking for a Veggie Tray and money towards the room/decorations.   $10-$20 would be great but anything is appreciated.    Please let me know by 7/11/19.

Post # 15
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I feel your pain in away. When I planned the bridal shower all the bridesmaids offered to help pay for it. It’s at a restaurant (the bride lives a couple hours away from me) and thanks to bridezilla and the groom’s momzilla the guest list and stuff is out of control. Nobody would give me a number they felt comfortable with, just whatever Miranda wants was what I kept getting. I know non of the bridesmaid or groomsman personally, Ive only even met a couple of them once or twice. 

Now they’ve all backed out of paying for anything or helping in any way. I’m losing my mind looking at a very expensive bill right when I have to prep my classroom for the upcoming year and I have a son graduating in the spring. They all don’t respond and when they do it short and curt. 

If you don’t want to ask for cash make a list and ask them to bring a veggie tray or a couple of bottles of wine ect. As a teacher I’ve found asking for specific items tends to get more of a response then simply cash for parties or whatever. 

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