Post # 1
I’m planning my good friend’s bridal shower, and have been working with her mom to do so over the last couple of months. It is now a month away, and I need to reach out to her other bridesmaids to ask them to each contribute $10 towards the food and to bring either a bottle of wine or a snack. What’s a good way to word this request? I do have a running thread with the bridesmaids, but they have not been great at responding. I only know one other bridesmaid personally so far, she’s a good friend and technically the maid of honor now, and she helped me work out that breakdown and will be sharing some of the other expenses and responsibilities with me to help things come together. I just am not sure how to approach the others. Really just need help with wording, so any suggestions would be much appreciated 🙂 Thanks bees!
Post # 2
The best way is to inquire. Would you like to participate and if so, what budget would you feel comfortable contributing? $10 is dang cheap and I’d be thrilled with that. I’d be more disappointed that I wasn’t involved in developing the shower in the first place. So just ask, don’t tell.
Post # 3
You have to ask if they want to be involved before you let them know what their obligation is. That said, I’ve spent a hella lot more than $10 and a bottle of wine to co-host any of the showers I’ve been involved in.
Post # 4
bluejaybride : Have these BMs already agreed to contribute anything to this shower? That’s not really something you can dictate after the fact. Either they offer their help/money in the beginning or they don’t and you do without it.
Also, if you’re just asking for $10 from each person, is it really necessary?
Post # 5
Wow, what an affordable shower.
I would just send it out in the email thread. Yes, etiquette suggests asking beforehand, but honestly I wouldn’t be offended at all to get a :
“Hey Bridesmaids, the shower is quickly approaching. Bride’s mum and I have got most of it under control. We’re looking for $10 per person to help cover food, and if you would please bring a bottle of wine. You can etransfer me at [email protected]l.com or give me cash. Appreciate the help and looking forward to celebrating Bride’s day.”
Post # 6
Putting the very reasonable amount aside, the proper answer remains the same. You don’t. It’s wrong to bill people for something they have not volunteered to do. In the absence of such offers, host a party within your own means.
The fact that no one has responded to your online comments suggests disinterest. The most you can do is offer the opportunity for anyone who wants to be involved.
Throwing a shower is a thoughtful and generous gesture but it is also completely optional, voluntary, and in no way an obligation of the bridesmaid’s role.
Post # 7
skunktastic : beethree : llevinso :
Fair enough. I did try to involve them in the planning initially, but no one has been very helpful so far. About a month ago I mentioned that I’d be letting them know what we could use help with soon, and seemed open to that.
Yes, the $10 per person is desperately necessary unfortunately. I’ve been hit with unexpected extremely difficult financial circumstances, and the party falls at the worst possible time in regards to my pay schedule. Initially (and before my circumstances got so dire), I had hoped to ask each bridesmaid to bring a dessert, but before I had the chance to express that the bride’s mom declared that she would do the desserts and I would provide the main food. I’m contributing a larger portion than the other bridesmaids would be, as is the maid of honor, but I’m already stretching to make that work. So the $60 would go a long way to help. It’s not an elaborate or extravagently expensive party, and it wouldn’t have been a problem for me to just cover the $60 myself a couple of months ago, but at the moment my fiance and I are stretching $30 a week grocery budgets (not to mention putting off and greatly reducing many of our own wedding expenses to be able to still host the shower at all), so it’s truly not doable for me at this time. So I don’t think it’s too unreasonable to ask each bridesmaid to contribute just $10 if it means we’ll still be able to put together a great party for our friend. I hear you on it the fact that it would be best if they offered, but I don’t know that it’s something that they would not be expecting- I’ve always contributed in one way or another to bridal showers when I’ve been a bridesmaid, and have assumed that as part of the role. And for my bridal shower last weekend, my mom and maid of honor asked others (aunts and bridesmaids) to bring food and such.
So given the context, I’m thinking of this wording: “What we could use help with re. the bridal shower is first and foremost a small contribution from everyone towards the food (anything would be appreciated, but $10 from each bridesmaid would be perfect if you can). Additionally, if you’d like to bring something a bottle of wine or a non-dessert snack would be great!”
Post # 9
In my job I have to coordinate with a bunch of people who also don’t respond so now if I need something done right away I message them individually. I feel like it it’s easier to ignore a group message specially if others don’t also respond. Message them individually ( i know pain in the butt but you can copy paste the same message). Something very simple like a pp worded above.
Also i would just say also please bring this (snack name) if possible to each brides maid that way they know what they have to bring. Otherwise you might end up with 6 bags of chips or veggies idk. Just be as precise as possible
Post # 10
minnewanka : Thank you for your thoughts! I feel the same, and I think that wording is perfect! Thanks so much 🙂
ashleyroo : Those are great ideas, thank you!
Post # 11
bluejaybride : Do you have a back-up plan to cover costs and wine/snacks if they won’t contribute and/or aren’t even planning to attend?
Post # 12
I just looked at an old chat thread from a bachelorette I hosted. The bride did not have any wedding attendants…
“Did some hunting and we could do dinner, games and pre drinks at my house, and then a drag show with Carly’s Angels. If everyone was down with that, I’d probably grab $100 off everyone? It would cover your ticket ($55), splitting A’s ticket 5 ways, $10 towards decorations each, and then $25 for A’s dinner and drinks. I’ll cover any difference over, plus drinks and appies at mine?”
Everyone e-transferred me within a few days.
Post # 13
I paid for 100% of my sister’s bridal shower. She didn’t have a bachelorette.
As maid of honor for my best friend, I had the bride send me everyone’s names and numbers in the bridal party. Then I group texted everyone ‘hey ladies, I’m planning doing X for the shower/bachelorette if everyone can contribute $Y. Does this work for you?’ A group text chat makes it super easy.
Post # 14
If you are going to ask for the money anyway, why don’t you ask for more since your personal financial sitution is so dire. I would send this message, individually.
Brides Mother and I have been working together to plan the shower. If you are willing to contribule, we are currently asking for a Veggie Tray and money towards the room/decorations. $10-$20 would be great but anything is appreciated. Please let me know by 7/11/19.
Post # 15
I feel your pain in away. When I planned the bridal shower all the bridesmaids offered to help pay for it. It’s at a restaurant (the bride lives a couple hours away from me) and thanks to bridezilla and the groom’s momzilla the guest list and stuff is out of control. Nobody would give me a number they felt comfortable with, just whatever Miranda wants was what I kept getting. I know non of the bridesmaid or groomsman personally, Ive only even met a couple of them once or twice.
Now they’ve all backed out of paying for anything or helping in any way. I’m losing my mind looking at a very expensive bill right when I have to prep my classroom for the upcoming year and I have a son graduating in the spring. They all don’t respond and when they do it short and curt.
If you don’t want to ask for cash make a list and ask them to bring a veggie tray or a couple of bottles of wine ect. As a teacher I’ve found asking for specific items tends to get more of a response then simply cash for parties or whatever.