(Closed) Maid of Honor in Crisis

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would NOT remove her. Maybe have the other girls reach out to her and see how they can help. She may hand the reigns over for things. But knowing where she is, and really her situation seems like she needs far more understanding, compassion and time there is no way I would go and change anything like her moh title.

Or maybe you can talk to her and let her know that a couple of the girls would love to help her out while she’s going through this adjustment and reassure her of your love and support for her.

Post # 4
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s kind of harsh to ask her to step down.  Really, all she aboslutely has to do is buy the dress (after discussing each BM’s budget) and show up to your wedding, and smile for pictures.

As far as parties and other events prior to your wedding, well they’re nice and all but certainly not required.  If your other BM’s want to organize events for you, that is ok too.  Your Maid/Matron of Honor can choose to participate in those events or not, depending on how much she feels she can participate.  Just be open & honest with her, and remember you are a friend first, bride second.

Post # 5
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i think you should leave your wedding party as is.  her getting better is Priority #1 right now, and i think you should just offer her support and comfort and not focus on wedding things when you talk to her,  if she brings it up and wants to talk about it, sure, but i’d keep the focus on her right now.

Post # 7
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would just leave her with the title, let your mom plan the shower (you don’t need to give her a title for this, just tell her your Maid/Matron of Honor can’t do it, and let her do the majority and delegate the rest to your other BMs), and just be supportive of your friend. I see where you’re coming from, but I think you’re over thinking it. A Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t HAVE to be the one who plans events. You have other BMs to help, just clue in your mom or another family member that she may have to be the one to oversee a few things and maybe delegate tasks to the BMs. Let your Maid/Matron of Honor do what she thinks she is capable of, and others will handle the rest. 

Good luck!

Post # 8
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I think that your friend SHOULD check in to an inpatient treatment facility. she obviously wants and needs help. You should encourage her.

Post # 9
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I agree with the other bees. Leave her as Maid/Matron of Honor (if something happens *right* before, someone else could step up) I wouldn’t fill the BMs in- you could say something general such as “She’s going through a tough time, and may not be able to do as much with the wedding- I’m okay with this.” If your Mom wants to plan the shower- let her. If other girls want to take on the bachelorette party, let them. 


Post # 11
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@DaneLady:  A MOH’s duties are WAY more than buying the dress and showing up. Everyone knows this. They are there to support the bride, plan her shower, help her get through the weddingoplanning process, help her get ready on the day off, plan her stagette if she is having one, etc and so on.


If bridesmaids / Maid/Matron of Honor had no further duties, there would be no need to have them!

@OP: This is probably why this Maid/Matron of Honor is stressing, because she knows how important her role is and probably wants to do all those things for you!

That being said, I think if the other BM’s all teamed up and offered thier support, and let her know that they are all in it as a team, it would help take some of the stress off the Maid/Matron of Honor. I would let her have the title, and the honour that goes along with it! She is your friend after all, and I’m sure if she could, she would be the best Maid/Matron of Honor out there 🙂

You don’t have to be super specific with the other BM’s…just let them know that Maid/Matron of Honor means a lot to you and is going through a very difficult time in her personal life, and anything they could do to assist her would be amazing. Like it’s been said, you are all friends, and that’s what friends do for each other 🙂 I think it is awesome that you are concerned for her well being, and sticking by her. As someone who has struggled with depression in my past, I have NEVER forgotten the patience and kindness of my friends. Never.

sigh…..I don’t know a single girl who thinks that all you have to do is show up in the dress. That would be aweful. I have been both a Maid/Matron of Honor and a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and we go all out to make the bride feel like…well…a bride!!

Post # 12
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First of all, do not pressure her in to going to rehab or inpatients until she is ready. 

Secondly, I would, as other PPs say, let her stay as it is. I like your idea of making your mother a honorary Maid/Matron of Honor. 

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