Post # 1
I had all my bridesmaids over for dinner one night to ask them to be my bridesmaids. I originally did not choose a maid of honor because I’m equally close to all my bridesmaids. Upon hearing this, they all decided that they would band together to do my shower, help with things, and ultimately split the maid of honor’s duties. WELL… three months until the wedding, NO ONE except for one girl has stepped up to do ANYTHING. My mother had to push them to help throw a shower – not host, but just HELP. Two of my bridesmaids, I can’t even get in touch with them. They won’t respond on Facebook or to text messages. I haven’t even really been sending them stuff about the wedding. It’ll be something simple like “Hey, let’s go to dinner sometime.” or “Hey, how are you?” and I get nothing. No one wants to do a speech at the wedding and it’s like pulling teeth to get any of them to go do things with me (except for the one). I don’t know what the hell happened but I think I just may be seeing their true colors for the first time. One bridesmaid is desperate for a proposal from her boyfriend of 9 years so when we talk, I feel a lot of resentment from her. And one bridesmaid is so selfish (which I kind of knew beforehand but didn’t realize she would be so selfish as to say that she couldn’t afford to take the day before the wedding off or leave work early to help set up and participate in the rehearsal dinner but is constantly going out of town with her boyfriend and goes to all of these elaborate places and drops tons of money that she TELLS me about). SO…
Here’s what I’m thinking. Is it too late to ask the one responsible bridesmaid to be my maid of honor? I feel like the day of the wedding, I’m going to want at least one person to help me hold things together and be there for me. I don’t want her to feel used or taken advantage of. But I want her to realize how appreciative I am of her. If I had chosen a maid of honor from the beginning, I would not have chosen her because she’s never been in a wedding or been to one so I would’ve chosen the resentful bridesmaid because she’s been a quite a few weddings and helping plan events is kind of her thing. So I’m glad I didn’t choose one at the beginning.
Post # 3
@dreamer1288: Personally, I think that’s fine. You might want to put it in a positive light – tell her how much you appreciate all that she’s done and that you would love for everyone else to recognize her contributions and importance on your wedding day, too, and for that reason you would like to know if she would be your “official” Maid/Matron of Honor.
When you tell the other girls that you did this, don’t put anyone down or act like they’ve done anything wrong. As far as I’m concerned, all I expect my girls to do is wear a dress and show up to the wedding. Anything additional they choose to do is just icing on the cake! As for them not being in contact, etc, maybe they’re just busy? Remember that your wedding day is not as important to anyone else as it is to you. They’re probably just going about their lives, assuming that when there’s something to be done, someone will step up and make it happen. The problem is that when everyone assumes someone else will do it, it never happens.
Anyway, so when you tell the other BM’s that you’re actually choosing a Maid/Matron of Honor, just tell them that Maid/Matron of Honor has done so much and gone so out of her way for you that you think it’s only right to give her the title of Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 4
@LilySarah: Of course I realize they may be busy with their own lives but I think responding to a “Hey, how are you?” text wouldn’t take up too much time. I’ve tried not to bombard them with wedding stuff and have made a point to talk with them the way we did before I got engaged. I just feel that when you accept the responsibility of being someone’s bridesmaid, you should at least respond to them when they send you a simple text message. I’m just aggravated.
Post # 5
@dreamer1288: I would be too–even if they WEREN’T bridesmaids, when you reach out to ANY friend and are ignored repeatedly, it’s hurtful. Maybe approach them individually in the spirit of your friendship? Just ask them what’s going on and why they’re not responding?
Post # 7
@dreamer1288: I am totally in agreement with the bees on this! Not too late, and its a gesture of your appreciation for her help. Can the other bridesmaids pout? They sure can. but they can’t argue with the facts!
Post # 8
It is more than ok to ask the responsible one to step up as Maid/Matron of Honor. That’s the kind of person you want to be there for you on the big day. It’s good that you’re aware that the other BMs have lives outside the bridal party. If the other girls get upset that you’ve picked a Maid/Matron of Honor, then they can just suck it up.