(Closed) Maid of Honor Issue- Not Sure How to Handle

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Take it from someone who had a Maid/Matron of Honor want to drop out, but kept begging her to stay, that it’ll be so so much better if she doesn’t want to be there for her to just do her own thing. My “friend” (I used that term loosely) caused me so much stress right up until the day of my wedding. You don’t want that. And you’ll never figure out WHY she’s acting the way she is. It’s just how these things go, for some weird reason!!

Post # 4
857 posts
Busy bee

I think this lady has some extreme pregnancy hormone mood swings going on. 

Why wouldnt she talk to you about this instead of your mom, she isnt being honest with you and that sucks!. And as you pointed out she has 8-9 months after the birth till your wedding. I would just sit down and talk to her about this. Dotn say who said what but just ask what she is thinking.

I wouldnt blame you for not wanting her there after her dishonestly and drama. But also, you may regret not inviting her. And well to void further drama, i would.

Post # 5
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Futuremrsswheatie:  If she doesn’t want to be in your wedding anymore, then don’t force her to, regardless of what reason she is giving you.  I also wouldn’t ask someone to replace her…I think that’s kind of insulting to the replacement person who wasn’t good enough to be in your wedding in the first place!

Post # 6
46419 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Speak with her directly. Your post doesn’t make it clear that you have done that.  I am constantly amazed at the number of Bees who get all upset about something they have heard second or third hand.

Your Mom may have misinterpreted something. Your Maid/Matron of Honor may have been having a bad day to do with her high risk pregnancy. Maybe she had just been to the doctor’s and received some worrisome information. She may have been floating the idea to your Mom because she feared what your reaction would be?

Even if she steps down as Maid/Matron of Honor, it most cases it is not cause to strike someone from your friendship list. Wouldn’t you rather that someone was straight with you than deal with the issues that other Bees post about all during the planning period- Maid/Matron of Honor or BM’s copping out on shopping, bridal fairs, venue search ? (not that any of those are mandatory).

Post # 7
231 posts
Helper bee

If she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t want to. It’s not appropriate for you to evaluate the reasons she’s offered. Just graciously thank her and wish her the best.

Post # 8
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Futuremrsswheatie:  Not inviting her to the wedding at all may be a little harsh 🙁 I think your feelings are valid though. I always have a little more sympathy for pregnant ladies. Not to say that she did the right thing (cause I don’t agree with it at all).

I would say just bite the bullet and invite her but you don’t have to be all that friendly. Sorry this happened to you!

Post # 9
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think she was using the pregnancy as an excuse not to be involved for a different reason.  I think if someone wants to step down, you should always be gracious and allow them to step down.  Should she have told you and been honest about her reason, yes.  Did you do the right thing allowing her to step down, also yes. 

That said, I think uninviting her to the wedding is pretty far.  She was important enough to be in the bridal party (your Maid/Matron of Honor at that!), but she is suddenly so unimportant to you that she can’t attend as a guest?  Even when brides “kick girls out” of the wedding party for various reaons, most are still at least invited to the wedding. 

Post # 10
6531 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Futuremrsswheatie:  i get why you are upset, but not inviting her to the wedding is childish.


Post # 12
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If your wedding isnt for a year and a few months then why is this such a major life crisis now? I remember pregnancy. Hormones bouncing all over the place and not being in your right mind.  Let it go for now and see what happens when you get closer to the date? She may change her mind once things settle and if she still doesnt want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor then fine, invite her to the wedding and move on.  You have plenty of time to work this all out. 

Post # 13
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Futuremrsswheatie:  I think you should call her. You said in your update you haven’t talked to her first hand but it doesn’t look like you’re going to call her first even though you’re the one upset that she isn’t a Maid/Matron of Honor anymore…how did she get the notion that she wasn’t even invited anymore?

I would be the bigger person and just call and ask her why she dropped out. I mean, honestly, she might feel like right now she can’t handle it, and your date is pretty far off where this could be resolved without her resorting to saying she’s not going to be in it and you resorting to not even inviting her (which I think is very drastic measures to take).

By the way, maybe it is better this way though if she’s flakey. Regardless, I don’t see why you wouldn’t at least invite her. Nobody is handling this situation very well.

Post # 14
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Sounds like she’s feeling a little insecure about her situation in life right now. Maybe was just venting to your mom. Maybe you should show her some support and let her know that you’re fine with whatever she decides to do but of course she’ll still be invited to the wedding because she’s an important person in your life.

Post # 15
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Futuremrsswheatie: Why don’t you give her a call and ask her about your concerns?

“Hey, I heard from my mom that you are thinking you might not want to be in the bridal party anymore. Is something wrong?”

Maybe you unintentionally offended her, maybe she’s freaking out about this pregnancy, or maybe something else is going on entirely. You won’t know until you talk to her.

Not inviting her to the wedding would be a friendship-ending move.

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