- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
It’s 2.5 months away from the wedding day, and I am faced with issues between my maid of honor and I.
To give you a little background, when I god engaged I called her to share the news, and she was genuinely happy. Later in a month, she had happy tears when I asked her to be my maid of honor as I felt she is the person I want to have next to after so many years of a friendship. When it was an engagement party time, she was suddenly unavailable to attend because she was teaching a recreation class (it’s her weekend fun hobby). According to her, she was unable to reschedule the class (note, she had 3 weeks’ notice before the party day), but told me she will be an hour late to my party as she needed extra time to get ready. I didn’t mind her being late, and was excited to see my good friend and my maid of honor. After multiple conversations about the logistics of the party, she claimed she never got my parent’s electronic invitation, to which I personally sent 2 more copies (she never opened any), nor she ever called my parents to RSVP. To make a long story short, she never showed up. When I emailed her expressing my worries if something happen to her as I expected her at the party, she never apologized for not being there. Her reason was that her after class shower took too long and she assumed party was over by then.
When I met her to discuss this incident, she expressed how much it means to her that I chose her as my maid of honor and she wants to be there for me every step of the wedding planning. I was relieved and excited to have my girl by my side and carried on with planning, only to notice she is not as involved as she claims to be. Just recently, we met to discuss our bridal shower details and her idea was to have a 2-hour long shower at a very expensive place where my guests will be asked to pay for their own meal, plus will be informed of my gift registries. I appreciate her planning a shower for me, and a theme/place is absolutely lovely (as well as a sentimental value of our friendship), but I’m not comfortable to ask people to pay for the shower. Do you think it is normal nowdays? It’s not that she has financial troubles, she works for a big corporate company and makes more than me and bridesmaid, besides she is single and doesn’t have mortgage yet. As a side note, well before we started a planning I offered to contribute to any wedding event expenses.
Luckily, she was not upset about having to change a shower theme to a more casual house party to avoid people to cover their own snacks and drinks. But at the end of the conversation, she casually informed me that on the day of the wedding she will not be getting ready with all of us at the hotel, as she wants to teach her weekend recreation class. All girls will be getting ready at 8am, as we need to be at the venue by 1:30pm, but she wants to show up at the hotel at 11am on the day of my wedding. When I expressed that I would want her to be there with me the morning of my wedding day, she got very upset that I don’t understand importance and her commitment to this class/hobby. When trying to explain that it’s my wedding day and I will need her support and her friendship, not saying that I had a small surprise for the girls that morning, she was reading my words as me being selfish. I am very disappointed, confused by her actions, and very upset. It feels to me she has no interest in being my Maid/Matron of Honor, in spite the fact she is well familiar with being a Maid/Matron of Honor in her friend’s 2 weddings. Should I ask her to step down? After almost 10 years in a friendship, I feel bad to hurt her feelings of being demoted to a guest. Pleas help…