(Closed) Maid of honor is late to the wedding- long

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

Im sorry you are going through this.

Does she have a history of being sort of flakey? Like just not that reliable? I would be concerned about the wedding day considering what happened with your engagement party. It just seems a little odd that she would miss that, an not call or anything.

I can understand wanting her to be with you when you are getting ready to walk down the isle. It is a little odd to me that she wouldn’t take off of work. I don’t know that it is a reason to fire her or however you would say it. I guess it really comes down to what you want. If you don’t wan to have her as Maid/Matron of Honor then I think you can sit down with her and nicely let her know. Do you think there is any chance that she would not show up to your wedding?

Post # 4
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry this is happening. I totally understand where you are coming from and I can’t believe that she won’t miss one weekend activity for you’re wedding! If you fire her, that will very likely be the end of your friendship. Since she is still planning to be at the wedding on time, I would say let this go; as disappointed and hurt as you are, I’m not sure it’s worth losing a long and very good friendship over.

 

Post # 5
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

🙁 that sucks! I can’t believe she won’t be there morning of… 

do you think you will be friends after this? just remember she is going to be in all of your wedding pictures forever… I had to cut one of my girls before I had actually said who was standing (but she assumed she was and was very upset when I told her she wasn’t)… I hoped it would of brought us closer but ti hasn’t and i’m glad i was strong enough to not have her stand

but you are a lot further in the planning though. so that makes it harder 🙁 good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Blah, sorry this is happening. 🙁 She sounds really flaky, even if she means well.

Do you have another close friend as a bridesmaid? A friend had a similar situation but with her flaky, idiotic sister. She made me a backup Maid/Matron of Honor in case something happened, and when it inevitably did, I was ready to step up. Would this be an option for you? This way, you won’t be stressing about it on the big day. I know it must hurt, but logistically this could be an option. :/

Post # 7
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your Maid/Matron of Honor & mine are apparently twins. My Maid/Matron of Honor has an obligation on Saturdays that she refuses to change/get out of for anything, so much so that she was 2 hours late for her own shower! Luckily for me, our wedding is on a Sunday! 

I think you should talk to her again about how much it means to you for her to be there getting ready with everyone. Unless you’re prepared to lose her as a friend I would not ask her to step down. 

Post # 8
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry, that really sucks.  I feel a little bit better about missing the last hour of my best friend’s shower to go to my grandfather’s wake though, I apparently could’ve been worse.

I think techie had a good idea about asking someone else that you’re close to to be ready to stand in; I wouldn’t phrase it as “My friend’s being flaky,” but more of “Just in case there is an emergency, I’d really love it if you were ready to step in.”  It is not always fun to be the dependable second pick when you know the person who was asked first is being flaky, it can cause resentment.

I would also talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and be really upfront with her and say you would really, really appreciate it if she could please get a substitute in for that one day; she has three months to find someone to step in.  You can say you’re not trying to be selfish, just asking for one day.  If she still says no, I would let it go.

Do you know for a fact that she is being honest about what she’s doing that day?  I honestly told almost everyone in my life that I had a class at a certain time each week because I didn’t want to tell them I was going to a therapist (no shame in it, but I didn’t want to deal with the questions and the pity from certain people in my life).  It sounds like she’s unreasonably defensive about going to this class and I wonder if there’s more to it that she’s not letting on.  With the information you have, though, it’s not selfish of you to ask her to try and accomodate you that morning.

Post # 9
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@april29bride:  this is a terrible thing to have to go through; especially 3 months out. 

i would suggest sitting down with her and basically let her make the decision.  keep the conversation positive (even though you feel negative). tell you that you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor because you needed her support through the planning and especially on the wedding day.  mention that you were excited when she accepted; however, by her accepting this position, there are commitments (of time) that she made to you for your wedding day.  tell her that you understand that this class is important to her but she needs to make a decision.  you need the BM’s with you at a certain time and if she cannot accommodate your needs, or if this is inconvenient for her then you will find a more suitable position for her at the wedding (reading a poem or something).  make it appear that you are doing this for her best interest too, not only yours.

make sure you practice what you would like to say to her and keep to the point.  stay positve.  i wish you luck.

 

Post # 11
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i hope that it does all work out in the end for you.  how did she take this ‘change of position’?  do you think this will lessen the stress of your day?  if you still feel like she will not be responsible with a reading, maybe have a back-up for the reading.

good luck.

Post # 12
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

i totally wrote this and told you to let it go, but apparently you asked her to step down. GOod luck!

Post # 14
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@april29bride:  

I think you had a right to. Wanting to teach a class on the morning of your wedding means she doesn’t take your wedding as seriously as she should do. Well done you. I’d have found it hard to have that conversation!

Post # 15
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am glad yours worked out okay. 

I think it is ultimately your day so everything should be going as smooth as it can be to avoid any unnecessary stress.  I had a problem with a potential Maid/Matron of Honor, which is my only sister.  Everyone was expecting her to be the Maid/Matron of Honor but let’s just say she is not a good leader/planner in general.  I wish she could take up the job but I know I will be asking too much and risking my day if I have to solely depend on her. 

I just really up front about who I want to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and picked a good friend of mine instead of my sister when I first got engaged.  My sister was upset but she only complained to my mom, not in front of me.  I just pretend I didn’t know about her reactions in front of her (to make things less complicated)  I have placed my sister as one of the bridesmaid instead, so she is still involved with the wedding, but her responsibility won’t be as much. It was a tough moment when I had to tell my parents my sister won’t be the Maid/Matron of Honor, but my mom and sister got over it and my sister is expecting a baby soon so things actually work out better this way. 

So most importantly, it’s your day.  Maid/Matron of Honor has a lot of commitments and pick someone who can fulfill the role.  For your sake and for their sake.  You really don’t want the relationship got worsen up because of this. 

Post # 16
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

I’m really sorry this is happening to you. I personally think she is too selfish and not a real friend. If this were me, I would kindly ask her not to be my maid of honor, even at the risk of damaging our friendship. Do you have someone else you can ask?

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