Post # 1
Ok, so I’m having trouble with deciding who I am going to make my maid of honor and I need to decide asap because I’m getting married in 6 months! Ah!
Here is what’s going on..my whole life I had no question what-so-ever that my older sister would be my maid of honor. She was my absolute best friend and no matter what I could depend on her.
Over the past three months my family (fiancee included) has been having issues with my sister and her boyfriend. And it has not been pretty! I’ve gotten into many arguments with her and also have not spoken with her for long periods of time (which, both of these situations have never occured in the past – we’ve always been able to move on quickly). So, it’s safe to say that this is a large problem and it’s not something my family and I can just “get over”.
Anyway, I would love for her to be a part of my wedding. She has always been a huge part of my life – but I’m struggling to figure out whether or not this crappy situation we’re in is going to change our relationship or if down the road we’ll be able to rectify it (but I don’t have time to figure that out!). I guess I’m trying to think of the future and whether or not I’ll regret not making her my maid of honor. But then again, if I make her my maid of honor, will this whole argument we’re having take over what is supposed to be most important – my fiancee and I’s marriage.
Ugh! I’m so confused. Otherwise, I do have a friend that I would make my maid of honor – I just feel bad that I’m thinking her as second to my sister.
Thanks for listening girls!
Post # 3
@rockyb: I need more information… what’s this fight about?
You say you and your family just can’t “get over it”… why is that? If you hold onto anger and resentment, you are in fact perpetuating the tension. (Again, I don’t know the circumstances behind the issue so I can’t say whether or not you’re out of line for refusing to forgive and move on).
One way or the other… you’re concerned this argument will “take over” your wedding. Well, you have some power there and you need to harness that power. By turning the other cheek to what’s happened, by making the choice to forget (even if it’s just for the time being), you can keep this fight from infiltrating your wedding. You have to acknowledge your power here… you can either contribute to the drama or refuse to participate in the bullshit.
Given what’s going on, do you think she would want to be maid of honor? That could also be a big factor in whether or not you should ask…
Good luck to you!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
Just talk to her – youll probably get the most accurate answer from the way she reacts
Post # 5
Without knowing more about the situation, it’s kind of impossible to say whether it will persist. But it looks like your wedding isn’t too far away, so if you’re not comfortable with the relationship as it is right now, it’s probably best to choose someone else.. Wedding planning isn’t often conducive to repairing strained relationships – too much stress.
Post # 6
There a couple of reasons… maybe she’s having some other issues going on, that you might not even know about, and she’s having trouble dealing with them – which is coming out in other ways.
Post # 7
Well there is a lot to say about the situation but a very brief overview is this: my family and I feel like my sisters boyfriend is not a very nice person and is really not someone who we feel like we would want for her (but regardless of how WE feel, it is ultimately her decision of who she chooses to be with – this is just our opinion). Anyway, they’ve been dating for a couple of years and we’ve told her how we felt in the past but let her do her own thing – we were never overbearing about our feelings.
So now, after a whole ton of arguments between her boyfriend, my mom, myself, and my sister, my family and I decided that we really didn’t want anything to do with her boyfriend due to his attitute and lack of respect he has shown toward us and my sister. We’ve attempted to mend the relationship with my sister but she insists that we must accept her boyfriend (whom she wants to marry) or she “won’t be coming around anymore”. Very frustrating. She feels like he is a part of her and if we don’t accept him then we don’t accept her. Personally, I feel like I understand that it makes the situation difficult for her, however, he is her decision, not ours and she should not be pressuring us to be friendly, let alone civil with him if we feel different.
Sorry, I tried to make it as short as I could!
Post # 8
@rockyb: Still, without knowing what you mean by his being disrespectful, and his poor attitude, it’s still hard to say.
If your sister is serious about this guy, I can’t say I blame her for saying “accept him, or you won’t have a good relationship with me.” That’s typically the advice we give people when their future ILs aren’t accepting of their new family member. Then again, he could be a major dick. I think, either way, if you love your sister, you accept him, good or bad. That doesn’t mean you have to like him. But if you can manage a surface relationship with this guy for the sake of your relationship with your sister, I say do it. (This is assuming he’s not a drug addict, or kleptomaniac, or into any other kind of illegal activity. Or if he’s blatantly mean to you guys then… I don’t know, that’s quite the predicament).
Me and my now BIL got off to a rocky start. I mean a BIG fight, screaming, cursing, it got physical between me and my sister and my husband and him. It was ugly. BUT – we moved on and we’re all on great terms now. It’s conceivable you guys can mend fences.
Best of luck!