Post # 1
I would really like to have two Maids of Honor. My sister and my best firend, who also happens to be my cousin. They are both my best firends and have been there for me through everything, if my sister wasnt involved in something, it usually meant my cousin was. My sister is 4 years older and we werent always close, not really until after college. My cousin and I have gone to school together for elementary school, highschool and college. We live a street away and have all the same friends. They both mean the world to me.
I was showing my sister my wedding website and she accidentally saw that I had my cousin as a Maid/Matron of Honor as well, it was NOT how I wanted her to find out, I totally forgot it was on there. She got really mad. She is getting married next year and I am her only Maid/Matron of Honor. She said she is mad becuase if she knew I were doing 2, she would have as well. She is also mad because she says me and my cousin dont always get along. We had a year in college where we had a falling out, but whenever we needed each other we were right by each others side.
I was really hurt that she was tearing down my relationship with my cousin and I did not understand why she wouldn’t have had 2 MOHs if she really wanted too.
She brought it up again and insinuated she does not want to be my Maid/Matron of Honor if I ask them both. I told her how much they both mean to me and said that it isn’t putting down our relationship, its just honoring two of my best friends. I can’t put my cousin in the same category as the other girls, because she really is so much more (not that I don’t value my other relationships, she is just like a sister to me- which my sister has always refered to her as well). I don’t really know how to handle this. I explained why they both are important to me and why I want them both, but she is still mad. Any thoughts on what to do?
Post # 3
This may be harsh, but personally I think it stupid that some women get all hot a bothered on who gets to be the Maid/Matron of Honor or why someone was choosen rather than them. It’s childish and it’s just a title for the day and it doesn’t make them any less or more important in your life. You said you explained to her the reasoning for having 2 Maid/Matron of Honor well, thats all you can do. It’s your wedding not hers if she doesn’t like it tough titties and she can back out or deal with it. Did your cousin throw a hissy fit? Her giving you grief just in my opinion would make me want to boot her from the Maid/Matron of Honor spot. sorry if this is rude, but you did nothing wrong it’s your wedding not hers.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this drama! I don’t know why it’s such a competition and why people suddenly start questioning friendships once bridal party decisions are made. I don’t know why people think it’s okay to tear down and criticize friendships…do they really think doing so will elevate their own friendship status…so sad and totally unecessary!
I agree that your sister should have 2 MOHs if that’s what she wanted, not just because you are having 2 MOHs.
I think you’ve done all you can – it sounds like you were very understanding and listened to your sister while explaining how important both she and your cousin are to you. I would just give her time and hopefully she will come around…honestly, she sounds like a selfish, insecure, brat, but she’s your sister and it sounds like you love her very much…and so even though I don’t think you should indulge her too much…maybe it would help to just continue spending time with her so she is reassured that your relationship with her isn’t in competition with your relationship with your cousin (we all have our moments where we battle our insecurities/jealous and need reassurance and extra love). I hope she gets over it and you can enjoy planning your weddings together 🙂
Post # 5
I would ‘downgrade’ ALL to bridesmaids…or ‘upgrade’ ALL to ladies of honor…no favors to anyone…but then again..I have 2 BMs…no Maid/Matron of Honor…not anymore anyways.
Post # 6
I had a similar problem. I have a sister with whom I am very close as well as 2 best friends: one from high school, and one from college. Once I figured out 3 MOH’s was out of the question, I decided on giving the title to my sister alone, using the strong family tie as an "excuse." I plan to honor my best friends with special bouquets and assigned each one to help my Maid/Matron of Honor with either the shower or the bachelorette party, since my Maid/Matron of Honor will be going through her first year of teaching.
Before I made that decision, my plan was to make my sister, who is unmarried, my Maid of Honor and my college best friend, who is married, my Matron of Honor. My problem was that solution still left out my high school bestie, but maybe it would work for you! Will your sister’s wedding be before yours?
Post # 7
Thanks for the input. My sisters wedding is next year and mine is in 2, but she already said she does not want to be called the Matron of Honor, this was long before the 2 Maid/Matron of Honor issue, so I told her we could still call her Maid of Honor, she thinks iMatron sounds old.
I think I am going to ask them both and if she doesn’t want to stand up, that is her issue. So we’ll see how it goes.
My cousin does not know I am asking yet. I know she will be awesome. She totally does not expect it at all. I really can’t wait to ask her.
Post # 8
I had similar issue when it came time for me to choose my bridal party.
I chose my life-long fried –we met when we were 3 and have been close ever since– who also happens to be a guy.
One of my girl friends got angry because I didn’t ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor after I was her Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding last year.
She got even more upset when I said I just wanted one Maid/Matron of Honor (even though it’s a man filling the role) and not another Maid/Matron of Honor or Matron of Honor.
We went rounds about this for months until finally I just told her that I’d love for her to be in the wedding as one of my bridesmaids. If she couldn’t accept that, then I’d be happy to have her come as a guest. She eventually quieted down…only a few squeaks here and there.
Then the order in which they’ll walk down the aisle became an issue. LoL. But that’s another story.
It’s funny how females get over these silly things… I think you’ve done the best you can. Stick to your guns with the two MOHs. If your sister doesn’t get over it, tell her it’s your wedding. Not hers.
Post # 9
It’s your wedding and you should do what makes you happy. My sister and bf both assumed they were BMs, actually Maid/Matron of Honor before I even asked them to be in the wedding party. The whole planning process there was a battle between the two about Maid/Matron of Honor. In the end I had both, but I told them both that if either had an issue and wanted to walk that was on them, but it was my wedding and that’s how I wanted things to be. Sometimes it’s hard, but you have to put your foot down because your happiness comes first, especially over something that shouldn’t be too big of a deal because you just want those you love standing beside you on your wedding day.
Post # 10
I think you’ve done all you can to explain your decision to your sister. Titles and roles sound like they are important to her, and your decision probably makes her feel like you don’t share that value. Her response to the situation seems to suggest that she feels like you should have known it was unfair to choose two because she did you some kind of proper honour or service by making you her one and only. In time she will hopefully get over herself, but if not, recognize that you’ve done all you can to try and explain your decision, and your reasons are very valid. I’m super duper sister close with my cousin too, and I have a sister, so I get it!