Post # 1
I could really use some advice on how to handle a delicate situation with my maid of honor. I’ve been engaged for a few months and planning my wedding for March. She got engaged this past week and I was absolutely thrilled for her!
However, things are really starting to get….well, strange. I almost feel like it’s a competition for her to beat me down the aisle. She’s only known her fiance for 6 months and they got engaged shortly after my fiance and I did. I know, not too strange, but now she’s planning her wedding two weeks before mine. She insisted this was the only time available to do her wedding for the next year. We have the same people in the wedding party as we have shared friends and they will all have to travel quite a distance to get to both of our weddings. She’s also starting to take a bunch of my ideas for my wedding – the colors I’d planned on using, the type of ceremony (we’re having a morning wedding), etc. and it’s making me very uncomfortable. Please tell me if I’m overreacting! Is there a nice way to handle this situation?
Post # 3
@meg131: I am a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding, and her Maid/Matron of Honor just got engaged too. The Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t taking over any part of my friend’s wedding ideas, and she isn’t getting married untl next year, but just judging from the MOH-friend relationship that I’m observing, its going to be a delicate situation and well, if you handle it the wrong way, it could ruin your friendship. Maybe you can make a joke about it “hey, copycat!” or something like that just in jest, that will get her to realize that you noticed what’s up and maybe she’ll change the ideas she is stealing from your book.
Post # 4
Did she help you with the planning / help you decide on some of the ideas that you have chosen? They could have very well been her favorite ideas as well and perhaps she doesnt necessarily think of it as ‘stealing’. I this you should both have an honest talk before it gets bottled up and turns into something it shouldnt be… perhaps even a ‘preventative’ talk / how she wants to proceed .. It is a delicate situation .. obviously she wants her wedding to be the best – which has nothing to do with yours , but it is that same feeling that you want your wedding to be the ‘best’ – but both of your weddings will be what is ‘best’ for you
I am not sure if this is making sense.. but my point is nobody will care about your wedding as much as you do and this is something to tread quite carefully on
Post # 5
In my personal opinion, I think it’s great that she’s so close with the same ideas! I know I’m probably one of few, but if there are people travelling, perhaps they could just stay the whole two weeks? If you let them know far enough in advance it’s possible – I have family staying for a month instead of flying in for two weddings this summer.
Also, if you’re doing the same colours, perhaps you could split some of the more expensive decorations you otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford? I don’t think most people would notice – it’s just us brides that really notice the little things.
Post # 6
CanadianMermaid‘s advice is good–see if you can have an open but non-confrontational talk with her before resentment sets in, but as she said, tread carefully. I’d say something like, “Hey, cool, we’re both getting married, right at the same time! I want to make sure that your and your FI’s day is completely your own, so let me know what I can do to help with that. And here’s what you can do to help me…” Or something like that.
Post # 7
I really wish that we lived in the same city because that would make things so much easier! We’re actually on opposite coasts. Some of our wedding party feels they will have to pick between the two weddings because they’re so close together and they can’t afford to attend or they don’t have enough vacation to cover both weddings. I think that’s what’s really upsetting me….sorry! I should have pointed that out in the original post!
Post # 8
I’m sorry but I think that’s pretty rude. I went through a similar situation… my bridesmaid got engaged 6 months after me (and 6 months after I booked my date) and decided to plan her wedding 3 weeks before me, in Italy. We worked everything out and it’s fine now, but I also don’t have the same bridal party as her.
If your bridal party doesn’t pick your wedding (since you were booked first), then I think you have a right to be upset.
Clearly you don’t want to ruin a friendship, and you want to make sure you express how happy you are for her. But does she know some of your bridesmaids are thinking about choosing one wedding or the other? Maybe if you tell her, she would understand where you are coming from.