(Closed) Maid of honor meltdown

posted 12 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Are these kind of MOH experiences normal? Share your MOH nightmares!

    This is normal, nothing wrong with it.

    It is sooo over the top!

    It is sooo over the top but happens all the time anyway.

    Bridezilla alert! Save yourself!!!

    I have my own MOH meltdown story, take a look below. BM meltdowns welcome too!

    Buck up MOH and do your job, whatever it may be!

  • Post # 3
    1045 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2008

    You need to learn to say no to your friend.  I understand you want to be nice, and help her out, but you shouldn’t be doing this at the sake of your own sanity and enjoyment of life.  I feel for you, but you really have to draw the line somewhere.  You’ve already fixed the dress so that it fits her.  Tell her that you don’t have the time to do all the extensive beadwork, and that she must find ‘room’ in her budget for someone else to do this, and the bustle.  You mentioned favors, programs, escort cards and place cards that you’d be helping her with.  Are these already finished/purchased, or can she cut/downsize these to come up with the extra money?  She could downgrade her bridesmaid bouquets to a smaller arrangement, perhaps?

    Good luck!

    Post # 4
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Yep you GOTTA say no. The more you say yes, the more she asks, knowing you’ll say yes! Shoot, my BMs live 2.5 hours away and I wouldn’t expect them to bend over backwards like you! And a 14-hr drive? Man! I fly for that distance. Just tell her you don’t have time and are busy, you have to go dress shopping, you’re doing X with your Future Mother-In-Law, etc etc etc. You have your OWN wedding! AND she has NINE other bms. What are they doing?!?!?! She needs to get THEIR help, not *just* yours. And she needs to grow up and stop crying when she doesn’t get her way. You can’t try to have this insanely fancy over the top reception (metal sculptures, whoa!) and expect everyone else to make them for you. She needs to start paying for expected services (like dress alterations, duh! you just saved her HUNDREDS). I would have loved to have a destination shower/baach party, too, but it would have been inconsiderate of me to blatantly ask/drop hints for one, knowing damn well that 3 of my 6 bridesmaids are in college, 1 more is still paying for loans, and 2 more are planning for and paying for their own wedding! I think she sounds a little selfish.

    Obviously her asking all this of you means you are crafty and do a wonderful job, but you can’t let your wedding stress you out more b/c you’re doing more work for hers than your own! If she cries, you just gotta tell her that there isn’t anything you can do. Do you expect her to return these favors? Good luck!

    Post # 5
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Whoa, what is being asked of you is way over the top. You need to make it clear that you will need help doing all this stuff because being out of state makes all this very difficult for you. I have the opposite problem – mine are too busy to do ANYTHING to help me and they are all in the same general area.

    Post # 6
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Maybe it’s not her intention, but you are being used at this point. Hand beading costs thousands of dollars for a reason! Because it’s really freakin’ time consuming and hard! That’s not something you ask someone to do as a casual favor.

    And did you say you made bouquets, found her vendors, did the budget, made the seating chart, made programs/escort cards/centerpieces as well? Seriously, you are in the position of planning and excecuting her entire wedding for her. I understand being overly accomodating, I am the same way. This situation is insanity, though, you have to put on the brakes somewhere.

    Post # 7
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    I so agree with everyone else.  SOunds like she’s taking advantage of your sewing skills and craftiness.  Too much.  And all of these other projects, are you doing them alone.  Is the bride even helping you?  And the first wedding, no one is helping pay for the shower?

    This is making me angry.  If she wants more with this wedding dress, tell her at the least, this is your wedding gift to her (nothing more).  Or start charging her.  It’s one thing that you agreed to make the alterations.  But these extras are not your obligation.  No to the bachelorette.  That’s ridiculous to expect peopleto throw you that kind of bachelorette.  In fact I say no, to the first bachelorette too.  Im’ sorry the first bride has so many Out of Town Bms.  But it’s too much for you to come in to town and throw together a bach party, after the last minute shower. 

    Ugg and helping her maintain a budget and find vendors.  My goodness. you aren’t her wedding coordinator.  The best time to cut back, was probably when you were discussing backing out with her.  "OK, I’ll stay but ABC have to go.  I can’t take all of these tasks."  But the wedding is still 10 months away.  Please tell her you need to give up some of this stuff.  Is the bride even close to as busy as you?  It’s her own wedding….goodness.

    Post # 8
    1078 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    You definitely need to voice your concerns! While you may feel guilty about saying "no" here and there, it will ultimately save your sanity. You don’t want to be gagging at the sight of anything wedding-related by the time your own nuptials are upon you.

    Definitely let each bride know that you’re drowning in your Maid/Matron of Honor duties, and need the other bridesmaids’ help. If the brides are truly your good friends, they’ll make sure that the duties are spread out a little more evenly.

    Good luck!!! 

    Post # 9
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    Wow. She asked you to be Maid of Honor, right? not Maid of Honor/Florist/Stationary Expert/Seamstress/Party Planner? I am stunned by her expectations on you. It sounds like you have already gone above and beyond for this girl and need to put your foot down. Maybe tell her you don’t have the time do the hand-beading and if she wants to be sure it gets done on time, she needs to hire a professional. As far the other bridesmaids not answering your emails about the bachelorette & shower, maybe stop asking and just start delelgating (i.e. Mary, I have ordered salads from XYZ you need to pick them up at 10am on Sat.) This might help put some responsibility on them and hopefully get them to send you some sort of response. Good luck, I am so sorry you are experiencing this, no bride has the right to ask that much of anyone, unless they are getting paid.

    I would like to say I am incredibly impressed that you are so talented and able to do all the rediculous things she is asking for. Sounds like you could start your own all-in-one wedding business! 🙂

    Post # 10
    18 posts
    • Wedding: August 2009

    WOW!!!!  You are NOT being a diva! 

    On the first situation, the wedding 2 months away, I would call the bride and tell her you are looking forward to planning those parties for her, but being from out of town, you simply cannot do it unless the other bridesmaids help.  Get their phone numbers, hand out duties (don’t ask – delegate!), and do the best you can.  If they aren’t willing to help, put it back on the bride.  You can’t be expected to pull everything together from half-way across the country!

    The second bride, OMG!!!  She is COMPLETELY taking advantage of you!!!  And don’t take this the wrong way, but it sounds like she is walking all over you and that you are allowing it…  Is she that good of friend that she would do all of those things for you?  If not, than maybe you should re-think all of your involvement.  Her bawling and telling you her wedding won’t be the same without you was completely giving you the guilt trip.  Helping out is one thing, but being her personal seamstress, make-up artist, wedding planner, stationer, etc. is far above and beyond the duties of a maid of honor.  Honestly, your own wedding is your first priority!  If she can’t respect and understand that, she’s not that good of a friend.  I don’t see anything wrong with helping her out with some things, but not the huge laundry list you mentioned. 

    If I were you, I would put my foot down, tell her that you would love to be in her wedding, but that you have limited time to help her out.  Then stick to that!  Don’t let her guilt you into doing task after task, when you have your own wedding to plan. Good luck!!  🙂

    Post # 11
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Sorry I missed the fact that you are Maid/Matron of Honor in two different weddings. I thought it was all the same.

    Post # 12
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m having flashbacks to Katherine Heigl in 27 dresses where she’s Maid/Matron of Honor for 2 weddings on same day and is the one doing all the work for the bride.

    Please say no.  You’re a wonderful friend, but I think she’s taking advantage of your sweetness.  She has no money but is demanding a pricey bachelorette weekend complete with tix to a Broadway show and also more seamstress work?

    Again, you are not being unreasonable at all.  Your friend is.  She should also recognize since she is a bride that YOU are one too.  That you also have things to take care of on your end.  That’s just being courteous.

    You’re one awesome friend to do all that btw! 

    Post # 13
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Oh. My. Lord. First of all, have you considered a career as a wedding planner? Because you are essentially doing that for free. I would NEVER EVER ask that much of my MoH or any of my bridesmaids. I feel like it’s my responsibility to take care of my dress situation, invitations, flowers, etc. etc. etc. (with my Fiance and family of course). A little favor here and there with that kind of stuff is fine, but honestly you are doing slave labor – and to top it all off, it doesn’t even sound like she APPRECIATES you! Some of these other BMs need to step up, too. Where are they in any of this? It sounds like you are the go-to person because you are obviously INCREDIBLY creative and talented, but still – the onus should not be on you and you alone just because you happen to be skillful when it comes to DIY stuff. You’re really being taken advantage of here.

    Put your foot down, girl. That’s just ridiculous.

    Post # 14
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    whoa…dude.  seriously.  you need to start charging.  wtf?  ummm…you are being WAY to accomodating.  I get the impression that it is hard for you to say no, but what kind of friend takes advantage like this…

    Post # 16
    732 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

    "Sharing with those in need" and being taken advantage of are two completely different things. Kindly tell your friend NO, SORRY, I CAN’T HELP YOU AND STAY SANE AT THE SAME TIME. She will most likely not get it — people who take this much advantage don’t generally respond well to "no," but you need to say it, and say it repeatedly if necessary. You’ve helped her enough! If she argues with you, this is a perfect time to pour out your annoyance — on HER. 

    Has she been a good friend in other respects (ie., when she wasn’t a bride)?

    The topic ‘Maid of honor meltdown’ is closed to new replies.

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