Post # 1
We live in Michigan & my maid (well actually Matron) of honor has moved away to Nebraska. I am getting conflicting feelings about her being so far away. I can not “demote” her from her role, but I am unsure of how she will be able to help with…ALOT of things. My Future Mother-In-Law & my Mom, and actually my Fiancé all feel that the role should be given to someone else. But I just don’t have the heart to tell her that she can’t be. She is an emotional person and is extra sensitive and I know that it will hurt her. Not to mention, I’m not sure who I would really ask to take her place…..This is just such an ICKY situation….. How would you feel? What are your thoughts on this ladies??
Do any of you ladies have a maid of honor that is far away from you & your wedding? How do the rest of your maid’s feel? How does your family feel about it?
Post # 3
I think being a maid of honor is more about the relationship than the tasks. All of my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor live far away. Yes, it’s hard but they can still help out with lots of things. And, more importantly, it shows them how much they mean to me and I have no doubt they’ll be amazing on my wedding day!
Post # 4
My maid of honor won’t even be able to make it to our wedding (we’re not having attendants anymore, though) but I kept her because I love her–it’s about the relationship, not the tasks.
Post # 5
Both of my maids of honor (yes I have 2!) live 4 hours away from me. But, they are my closest friends in the world and I wanted them to have that title to show them how important they are to me.
What are the things you need her to help with? Can your other maids help with those things instead? I don’t think it’s fair to demote her just because she moved away!!
…FWIW I know that if I was a Maid/Matron of Honor and I had to move (whether for work, school, what have you) I’d be pretty bummed out if my friend wanted to demote me just for that reason.
Post # 6
Did you pick your maid of honor based on the person who would be most available to help you with projects? That isn’t meant to be snarky, it is a real question.
I definitely do NOT think you should demote your Maid/Matron of Honor just bc she isn’t around to help you with things because in my mind, your Maid/Matron of Honor is the friend you are closest to in your life and who is going to be your biggest EMOTIONAL support during your wedding planning, not the person who happens to live closest to you.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is lives in atl (I live in Ohio) and I think I’ll see her a grand total of 4 times between when I got engaged and when we’ll get married (which is actually kind of a lot because usually we see each other 1 or 2 times/year max). I definitely knew that she wouldn’t be around physically during my planning but who cares? I didn’t pick her so she can help me round corners on my invites, ya know?
I actually don’t expect ANYONE to help me out with wedding stuff. My wedding, my projects, my problem. I did have my one local Bridesmaid or Best Man offer to help out with crafty stuff, so she is helping with some of it (by which I mean probably a total of 4-5 nights of hanging out/crafting over a 15 month period), and I had another non-local Bridesmaid or Best Man offer to come to town a few days early to help out with last minute things. But that was all offered, appreciated, and certainly not expected.
Post # 7
My maid of honour lives 1250km away plus a 2 hour ferry boat ride thats around 800 miles away or a 16.5 hour drive! She’s still helping the best she can and I find it’s no problem especially since people use the internet, cell phones, facebook etc. so much now. I could never think of anyone to replace her and that is why she is my MOH!!
Post # 8
What specifically are you worried she wont be able to do?
Lots of planning and organizing can be done over the phone and email. I planned my friends shower from CA while everyone else was in CT. Of course the other BM’s had to assist in actually buying some stuff early etc, but I coordinated it all.
Post # 9
My Maid/Matron of Honor lives in another state and I would never think about demoting her because of the distance. Her job as Maid/Matron of Honor is to be emotionally supportive and show up at my wedding.
Post # 10
All of my BMs and my Maid/Matron of Honor live far away. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my 17-year-old little sister and I guarantee she won’t help me with crap for my big day. LOL. But my choice was to focus more on celebrating the awesome relationship I have with my baby sister. It will be tough not being able to delegate tasks, but I’ll just have her do what she can from far away. Good luck with your situation! I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for you 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
None of my bridesmaids lived close to me and I didn’t consider it an issue. I just did everything myself. One bridesmaid lived in London so she could only come to the wedding, not my shower. Again, not an issue!
You want the people closest to you standing up for you at your wedding, that is the most important thing.
Post # 12
Well, Like CorgiTales, I really don’t expect anyone to help me with all the projects that I have started & have in mind. I actually feel kind of weird about asking any of the girls to help me. But my mom & my Future Mother-In-Law, seem to think that she is suppose to be helping me with all this stuff. They also have been putting on pressure about her throwing me a shower, which I do not feel is necessary for her to do, plus how could she, she is far away & I understand that. They seem to think that it is her responsibility though.
Although we are not as close to each other as I am with some of my other bridesmaids we have been friends for almost 20 years. I don’t feel that anyone else should be in this role other then her. She was the sister I never had growing up. Even though we are not as close as we use to be it just doesn’t seem right to have someone else be my maid of honor on our big day.
I just have been getting a lot of hassle from my mom & my Future Mother-In-Law (kind of ganging up on me together) about it and I was just wondering how all you lovely ladies are doing it. They are starting to make me doubt my decision & that doesn’t feel right either.
The three main things I would like for her to be present for are my bridal shower, bachelorette party & to be there for my big day.
Will your out of town maid honor be present for your bridal shower if you are having one?
Post # 13
I had no problem with my Maid/Matron of Honor being across the country. I never even saw her until the weekend of the wedding! Granted we spoke every day but I did all the projects and work myself.
Post # 14
My moh lives many states away from me, but this doesnt bother me, I dont really need her to do much until the actual wedding weekend itself.
Post # 15
I flew in for my friends shower, but not the bachlorette. I planned the shower, but not the bachlorette. Ask her what she will be able to come in for. She will be able to do a lot of planning and coordinating from far away if your mom and other friends are willing to do what needs to be done locally (if anything)
Post # 16
One of my bridesmaids, who ended up not being able to come to the wedding due to financial reasons, lived on the other side of the country. And honestly, she ended up being one of the biggest emotional supports for me during the wedding. She was always so motivated and fun to talk to on the phone about wedding ideas…more so than the rest of my wedding part that lived about 4 1/5 hours away. I say keep your Maid/Matron of Honor the same. Distance shouldn’t matter. Most gals on here probably don’t live very close to all of their bridal party.