(Closed) Maid of honor; my sister mad at me for not loaning her money; help

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I really think it would be a bad idea to “demote” your sister to BM from MOH at this point.  She is already giving you grief and doing that will cause more.  Yes, Debra is basically acting as the MOH, but I’m sure she understands the situation with your sister and why things are like they are.

You are not being selfish about wanting to talk about the wedding to your bridal party – all brides get excited and want to talk about it!  With your sister losing her job and having all these money issues, she is just becoming increasingly aware that you are successful and have a wonderful family and she is probably just getting jealous about it all.  And while it sucks for you because you get the brunt of her anger, there is not much else to do.  

Try to focus on your wedding and spending the time with your other friends when they arrive to help you.  I would try to get a hold of your sister to make sure she is somewhat ok with everything (although she may still be mad or upset) and just assure her you are there for her.  However, with that said, don’t send her any more money.  You have your own life and family and wedding to pay for and she should not be relying on you for financial support.  She is old enough to make her own decisions and if that means she needs to give a few luxuries up, then hopefully she will realize that sooner than later!

Hope this helps 🙂  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Given the way you’ve described your sister (she seems a little unreasonable!), I probably wouldn’t want to cause a bigger rift by asking her to be a bridesmaid instead of MOH. Like you said, she might hold a grudge and who knows how it’ll affect your wedding. I’m sure your friend Debra would be willing to do anything to help you though, and would be gracious enough to do it all while still just being a bridesmaid and not the MOH. With that said, I’d reach out to Debra for help and not ask your sister for anything since she has her own issues and doesn’t seem interested in helping with the wedding. I wouldn’t loan her any more money if I were you since she hasn’t been responsible with the money you previously loaned her. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! My wedding is a few days after yours so I know how stressful it can be. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think there’s different questions you have to answer: What do you want from a MoH, what do you think they do, and does it matter alot to you?

My personal feelings are that if I had a sister, she’d be my MoH even if we didn’t get along because of the whole adage “family first”.  But I wouldn’t be upset if she didn’t do anything and we didn’t get along because that’s not what I envision when I hear MoH. I just see, person at top of altar (if they’re standing) or last person down the aisle.

If MoH means more to you than that – you want it to be the person who supports your marriage or you the most.. maybe it’s worth it to demote your sister.  If you really want to honor your friend (who sounds so supportive and a blessing) in front of everyone and that matters alot to you – maybe promoting her.

So if you feel like me I’d say – just leave her, don’t expect alot out of her, ignore her – family sucks sometimes.  But if you feel that MoH means something to you, then it may require more thought and consideration.

Post # 6
Member
7448 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You sisters is a user and a master manipulator. I know the type all to well. Full of drama, takes no responsibility for her actions causing the messes that she continually gets herself in, then wants some one to come in rescue her. Don’t send her another dime, I’m glad you pointed out that she;s not cutting back where she can. She won’t be destitute but she will complain to anyone who will listen. Her type needs to Grow Up.

Having said that, I wouldn’t demote her cause that will cause a larger rift. you could highlight your best friend with toast during the reception. I’m sure your BM will hear you out because you sister is such a piece of work

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