(Closed) Maid of Honor-No reception, no rehersal dinner

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have a friend who is in her first years of being a doctor and she recently had a lot of trouble getting time off for our friends wedding. She gave them months of notice but ultimately it came down to which of her fellow doctors would be willing to switch shifts. She had to fly in on the day of the wedding and fly out very early the day after.

I know it is really frustrating for you but she isn’t doing it on purpose, they just have a different lifestyle. It is a competitive and stressful lifestyle and sometimes they forget about the rest of the world. I am sure she isn’t doing it on purpose to you, but if she is that good a friend to you, perhaps an honest chat will help. Let her know you are worried that she wont know what to do on the day and that you are a bit upset that she wont be there to support you as you had hoped. But reiterate it is important to you that she is there.

I hope you figure this out!

Post # 4
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Tough situation and I’m sorry you have to deal with this.  I don’t have a solution for you, but if she can’t be there for you and most of the events surrounding your wedding (esp. the reception!!), then she should have declined your offer for her to be Maid/Matron of Honor.  Hope you get this worked out soon!

Post # 5
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MayFlower0514:I think at this point if she isn’t able to even be there for the reception then maybe she should step down as MOH?  I know it might sound harsh to some bees that might say otherwise, but to me a Maid/Matron of Honor needs to be there for not only the ceremony but the reception.

Post # 6
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Honestly, I think she wants to attend your wedding, but she is just so stressed from all her medical school tests, etc. If you told her not to worry about coming she would probably be crushed. At this point, she thinks that making it to the ceremony is a big effort to attend your wedding and be involved. What she doesn’t understand is how important it is for you to have her there and not be worried about leaving or studying for a test. I would have no clue what to do in this situation. I wouldn’t want to be stressed out by her stressing out, and by her leaving. But I also would want her to be able to at least attend the ceremony. I think you should make your own decision on this, but just know that you’re not wrong for being upset about this. I know I would be. 🙁

At the same time, try to think about it from her end of things. Some people handle situations better than others. Maybe she doesn’t handle tests and school as well as your other medical friend. I dunno. But I would have a conversation with her and tell her how you feel. Talking to her will probably help you both out to understanding each other. I’m sure you will find out that she wants to go to your wedding badly. We’ll see. Keep us updated!

Post # 7
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

One of my very best friends is a med student. It’s exactly right, they simply have a completely different lifestyle. Your friend bought the dress and is ready to purchase a ticket, take the time away and stand up for you on a very important day in your life. I know it’s stressful for you not having her there for more of your events, but remember it’s also stressful for her to put med school on hold to come be part of your day. I say cut her some slack and let the other Maid/Matron of Honor be there for those events the med student can’t make. At this point, telling her not to come or to step down would just hurt her feelings and maybe strain your friendship.

Post # 8
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oooo…not fun.  =(

I have a couple of friends in med school and getting time off his a big pain in the butt.  Especially if they just started residency, it’s more based upon what vacations they can get then what they can ask for.

Anyways, if I were you I would probably ask her to step down.  Not just because she’s not helping you at all, but she has to deal with the crazy life of being a med student.  Even on her part, relieving her of the Maid/Matron of Honor title might bring some relief to her busy schedule.  I think if she steps down, it’ll be a relief for both of you ladies. 

That’s my opinion.  I hope you figure it out!

Post # 9
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just leave the situation as it is:

You already have one Maid/Matron of Honor to take care of you during the reception. The Med Maid/Matron of Honor can take care of herself, fly in/out and be there for the little time she can. She is trying very hard to be part of your day and you should let her be as much a part of it as she can be. It is time for you to forget the “issue” though.

It isn’t even really an issue, she will arrive and leave when she can – you don’t need to think about it, just enjoy her company whilst she is around, 

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