Post # 1
In need of some advice….
My maid of honor cannot stand my matron of honor. (Which are both my BFF. Maid Of Honor I have known for 15 yrs VS Matron for 5yrs.) My maid of honor has the thought of thinking that I should only have one friend and that is her at all times. So she is very jealousy of our relationship. The reason being is 1. My maid of Honor and I live in 2 different states and are 45mins away from each other so we don’t spend much time together like we use to. My Matron of honor only lives 20mins away from me and we tend to spend more time together. 2. My Maid of honor is a very judge mental person who criticize everything someone is doing were my Matron of honor is more bubble, down to earth is easy going. 3. My Maid of honor really doesn’t care about her looks as were my Matron of honor is a total DIVA…anyway you get the point. Yea total opposite.
Well here is the problem. I will be having 2 bridesmaids 1 Matron of Honor and 1 Maid of honor. Well my Maid of honor has started doing a lot of the planning for my bridal shower and has been excluding my Matron of honor out of a lot of the planning. Yea I shouldn’t not be know what’s going on with the bridal shower, however my Matron of honor is so upset because she is being excluded that she has come to me because she feels like she is being gang up on by the other girls. What should I do? I’m already really upset with my Maid of honor for other things that are going on at the wedding and almost feel like completely taking her out of the wedding party however I know that if I do that our friendship will completely end.
Any advice as to what I should do? Please keep in mind that the party (girls) are not aware that I know what’s going on in regards to this situation.
Post # 3
Being a part of your wedding day doesn’t mean people have to like each other, but out of respect for you…they have to make an effort to get along. MatronOH needs to put her big girl panties on and talk to MaidOH or at least the other bridesmaids in a calm and rational manner and simply explain that she feels left out. If I were a bridesmaid and found out someone was running their mouth to the bride about drama…I would be furious because it doesn’t belong on your plate! You are dealing with enough and don’t need to be caught in the middle.
That said…if the issue is between your MaidOH and your MatronOH – is there a bridesmaid that you trust to simply start looping in MatronOH to feel more included rather than stir up additional trouble with MaidOH? (I would NOT go this route if you think that the Bridesmaid or Best Man would simply go tell your MaidOH that you spoke with her). Not knowing what other things are motivating you to feel so upset at your MaidOH – I would say that it seems rash to remove her from your party. That she is planning your bridal party is indicative of the fact that she is participating.
Best of luck and I hope this works out!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I agree with PP. Explain to Maid of Honor that while she doesn’t have to be friends with Matron of Honor she at least needs to be civil of her. Just think if this is how it is now, what’s going to happen on your wedding day? I just keep thinking of the movie Bridesmaids only in real life and not humorous.
Explain to Maid why she is your friend, why you love her and want her as part of your day, but that if she can’t agree to disagree and make an effort to be civil than I say cut her out of the party but make sure she understands why.
Post # 5
I’m one of two MOH’s, the other is the rather high strung sister of the bride…things have gotten off the a very rocky start with her feeling jealous and terriorial about the Maid/Matron of Honor duties, BUT she lives two hours away and works on the weekends, so as far as bride support, I’m first string…the way I’ve handled it is as follows:
1. Keep the bride out of it, she’s got enough on her plate AND we’re grown ups for Christ sake!
2. Communication is key, find a method that works for the both of you…e-mail in our case.
3. Always be courteous and respectful, this includes keeping her in the loop about upcoming events with PLENTY of time, providing opportunities to participate in everything and offering to be of any assistance possibe.
4. When dealing with a person of this nature always cover your ass, I like e-mail for this reason, if she does kick up a fuss and attempt to accuse me of excluding her, I’ve got proof that she was informed…it’s just best practice.
Talk to your friend and see if she’s willing to go the extra mile so that everyone can get along, I find that it actually takes no extra effort on my part, since I wrangle the bridal party anyway and e-mail works for us all, besides throwing someone out of a wedding party is just so melodramatic, AND unneccessary in your case. Get the rest of the girls with the program and it will work out, I know it’s not fair to have to bend over backwards for someone causing trouble, but maybe she just feels out of place and these things might rectify that for her.
Post # 6
Like others said, encourage them to sort it out amongst themselves – it just looks bad on all of them (particularly the MatronOH) if you have to come in like a parent and tell them all to get along. If it looks as though MaidOH won’t include the MatronOH at all, then you could possibly try talking with her about it in a subtle way – take her out for lunch and a fun day and remind each other that you’ve been friends for 15 years (she’s probably feeling that she’s losing you to her ‘rival’). Then possibly try asking her how she’s going with her MaidOH duties and if she’s having any trouble getting everything/everyone organised.
Possibly even look at splitting their duties, so one organises the shower and the other organises the hen’s night. That way there’s an equal sharing of responsibility, without one of them running the show completely.
Don’t make conversations with your MaidOH all about your MatronOH – she probably feels that your friendship is threatened, so just take the time to be nice to your MaidOH. You said you haven’t been able to spend much time together, so she’s probably feeling that.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies for all the great advice you have given me. I will try to mend everything together and like LadyElva said will even try to split there duties. I just hate being caught in the middle of 2 great friendships like this.