Post # 1
So my fiance and I are going to have a longer engagement of about two and a half years but I have a feeling that my current Maid/Matron of Honor (my twin sister) will be getting engaged soon and will more than likely get married before I do. So since I got engaged first does that mean I should get married first? I feel that in a way she’s ‘stealing my thunder’ by getting married before I do since I got engaged first. Not only that, I will more than likely be the Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding also while planning my own wedding that will be about 6 months away by that point. So I have no idea what I should think or do. Any suggestions? Thanks!
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Your concerns are not necessary. You cannot steal her thunder nor her yours. You have your timeline; she has hers. No problem. Any issues exist only in your head.
Post # 4
@carterh: If you look around the boards and read similar posts to yours, it will not be a surprise when many bees tell you…”you get one day, not a whole week, month, year, etc.” Also, many bees will say that no one will “steal your thunder.” Families can be equally happy for both of you. You and your fiance have chosen to wait longer to have your wedding and she is entitled to make whatever decision she feels is best for her and her fiance. Whether that means her wedding will fall a few weeks, months or even a year before yours is out of your control. Other people cannot plan their lives around your life.
I do not mean to sound harsh or insensitive, but you should be just as happy for her as she is for you at this time. If you are genuinely concerned about roles and responsibilities clashing due to timing, then express your concerns up front and plan accordingly.
Post # 5
Sorry, but I an not in agreement that just because you got engaged first, you get to be married first.
We all work on different timelines. What if you and your Fiance decided not to get married for 5 years? Does that mean she has to wit till after that? Of course not. You live your life and she will live hers.
I would suggest you do have some discussion about wedding dates with your sister though. It can be a financial burden for family, especially those who have to travel, if you schedule two weddings too closely together.
Post # 6
She can get married whenever she wants. I am in a somewhat similar situation. I have a 2 year 3 month engagement. My Maid/Matron of Honor got engaged after I had been engaged for a little over a year. She’s having a 9 month engagement. So she’s getting married 3 months before me.
It is a LOT of fun. She’s using ideas I loved but that didn’t fit with my theme. I can also give her advice about certain aspects of the wedding because I have done a decent amount of research.
There are a few ground rules I would set for yourself. When you’re talking about her wedding, focus on her wedding. Hopefully she will do the same for you. Likewise don’t go wedding dress shopping on the same day. Let each of you have a day to go dress shopping ect. rather than trying to focus on two people at the same time you take turns.
I don’t feel like I lost much of the spotlight even though we have mutal guests. Also, be aware that she isn’t your slave and has a lot on her plate with her wedding just like you do with yours. So if she takes a couple days to get back to you with an opinion then don’t make a big deal out of it.
Honestly I’m really glad to have my Maid/Matron of Honor planning her wedding at the same time because it means my best friend is just as obsessed with weddings as I am right now.
Post # 7
@carterh: She’s not even engaged yet! Wait, see if and when she does. you’re putting the cart before the horse, getting way ahead of yourself and overthinking this!
Since you’re sisters, you’ll have a lot of guests that overlap, so I think that it would be reasonable if she gets engaged to talk about trying to put 4-6 weeks between the weddings out of consideration for your relatives.
However, beyond that. You get one day to be married. Your sister has just as much right to have her wedding, whether it’s before or after yours. You will be no less special if she gets married two months before or two months after. The length of your engagment doesn’t mean she should have to wait. When the time comes there will be more than enough thunder to go around.
Post # 8
Would you expect someone to put off their life for two and a half years for you? That seems pretty harsh! Everyone has their own way/timeline for doing things and if she makes a different choice than you that is HER choice to make. What of they get engaged soon and decide to get married next year? Would you rush your wedding plans to ‘beat’ her?
Weddings are not a competition and no one can steal anyone’s thunder on their wedding day!
Post # 10
Everyone has their own timelines!
And you are totally looking at this the wrong way! My Maid/Matron of Honor got married 3 weeks before me and I was hers! Best experience ever that we got to plan and share in our engagements together!
Look at the positives not the negatives!!!!
Post # 11
Well, I’m going to be honest about my experience, since this applies.
I got engaged in February and we are having about a year engagement. But then my best friend got engaged a few months after me and asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. She wanted to get married the beginnning of this summer (in basically 3-4 months of being engaged). So I put my wedding plans on hold and focused on her wedding (it was only going to happen once after all!). It was really important to me that she had a great experience planning and celebrating her wedding day that it didn’t bother me at all to put my own plans on hold for her. It didn’t “steal my thunder” at all.
Just try and be happy for your sister. Remember that this is a special time for her. You will have your turn too 🙂
Post # 12
You can’t expect everyone to stop time for 2 and a half years because you haven’t gotten married yet, that’s not fair to her. Most people get married within a year of getting engaged.