(Closed) Maid of Honor Problems

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

A good solution would be to stop involving her in your decision making. Unless she has been the one in contact with vendors and paying for everything, she literally has no control–other than social pressure–over your wedding. If that drives her away, that’s probably for the better…

Post # 3
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Uhm, this is your wedding, right? Not hers? It may behoove you to have either yourself or your bridesmaids all together or someone sit this Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her that she’s a) being a bully and b) may have forgotten that this is not her wedding. She will have plenty of opportunity to plan her “perfect” wedding when she gets married. Until then, she needs to help carry out your vision.

I hate to say it, but if nothing else works, it may be time to find a new Maid/Matron of Honor if she continues to act like a child throwing a tantrum. Input from your bridesmaids is great, but this is crossing the line between being helpful and just putting you down.

Post # 4
9523 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Doesn’t sound like she should be the Maid/Matron of Honor to be honest. She can’t ‘forbid’ anything. And she sounds like a massive jerk!

Post # 5
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Ooooooh my. That sounds awful. I would tell her to bugger off. This is your day! She needs to keep her opinions to herself and help you make your dream wedding a reality, not put down all your ideas, which by the way are so cute and personal!

It’s one thing to say “are you sure you want a Disney cake topper?” and then let it go, although even that is not very kind, but to actually make a whole board of ‘grown up’ cake toppers? Come on. She’s the one that needs to grow up!

Post # 6
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

repeat after me: “Thanks for your opinion, but we’ve made a final decision on what we want, and paid for it”

Stay out of the shower business, that is NOT your issue, your BMs need to be able to talk to her if she didnt set a budget with them

Post # 7
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Unless she is paying for your dj, she can’t forbid you from having your choice of first dance music. 

Learn, “thank you for your idea, but we will stick to xyz”

And next time she tells you to take charge and act like a grown up, start with her. Tell her i am taking charge and we are doing xyz whether you like it or not.say i love you bf but It’s fi and my wedding not yours.

It sucks that she is not asking for the other girls imput for the shower, but she is the host…. so im not sure what you can do there. I think its up to the girls to say we can contribute xyz amount and only if we are involved in planning.

Post # 8
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

I don’t really have anything constructive to add, sorry Bee. I wish I did, but I know how complicated things like this can be. My only advice is just to be firm with her, smile and nod when she gives “advice”, but stick to the course! Just out of curiosity, is she single? Or not yet engaged? A find a lot of these problems have a common root: envy.

Post # 9
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

IDK why you’re letting her control your wedding – she’s not the one getting married! Just tell her no. Also, she should NOT have planned a party and then TOLD everyone else what their contribution is. TBH I wouldn’t want to pay $150 for a shower either (assuming you also need to buy a gift, dress, etc).

eta – for your first dance, it might be nice to do an instrumental version of whatever song you like. That way it isn’t so in your face disney, but still special for you!

Post # 10
47342 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I fail to see why she needs to be involved in your decision making re cake topper, first dance song, garter/bouquet toss, tattoos etc.

Stop sharing.

Post # 11
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
slk081719 :  tell her where to shove it… I cant stand it when people ‘forbid’ others, who the fuck gave them the right to do that?

you do you and firmly point out what she wants and likes will matter when SHE gets married and not until

Post # 14
47342 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
slk081719 :  “____ and I have that covered, thanks. We’d like to keep some things a surprise.”

Post # 15
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Okay so I’m still sitting at my computer laughing at “S&M” which gave me the biggest laugh all day. Maybe M&S? And I’ve never been to a Disney wedding but my FH has. Those little details make it more personal and meaningful. Don’t let anyone talk you out of them! 

And when she has a BS opinion like that, you should just start saying, “Duly noted, moving on…” and repeat it if she keeps trying to harp on it.  Or just don’t be interested and say in a far off voice, “Well, when its your wedding you’re free to do that. This one’s ours.”

Listen to the PPs and don’t let her steamroll you! if she wants to end the friendship for you telling her to back off, that’s not the kind of friend you want anyways.

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