Post # 1
I chose my Maid/Matron of Honor because she is a take charge girl and I knew she would be able to handle any problems we encountered. She was my best friend in high school and she is willing to be a little more pushy where I prefer to avoid confrontation. I love this girl to death, but now the attitude I loved so much is starting to rub me the wrong way. She has been super enthusiastic about wedding planning now that we are getting to the one year mark. She has taken over planning for the shower, which is great, but she doesn’t really ask for input from from other girls. She has already booked a venue, got invitations, decorations, games, and favors. She then group texted the others to let them know their contribution ($150). I wasn’t sure if there would be a problem, but now one of my best friends is backing out and I can’t help but wonder if this is the reason. Also, my man and I are both really passionate about Disney. It might be lame, but we were both music majors, met while playing in the orchestra for a production of Tarzan, and plan to honeymoon in Disney World (My first time going). We were planning on having a Disney cake topper and maybe including it in our first dance (unsure of this still). She has forbiden it and has gone as far as to send a list of first dance songs to choose from as well as create an entire pintrest board for “grown-up” cake toppers. Also, while describing a topper we were looking at, it came to her attention that our first initials (S&M) should probably not be displayed because some people could take it the wrong way. I laughed it off, but continued to hear about it for a half hour. Then my fiance and I decided not to do the bouquet/garter toss, mostly because he would be too embarrased to go under my dress in front of 250 people. She then started making distasteful comments about how our initials on the cake would be more lewd than him retrieving the garter, such as, “At that point you’ll be his wife and he could rip off your underwear if he chose to, you’re already his and he already knows what’s under there.” On top of all that she is fighting me over whether tattoos should be covered on the bridal party. Every member of my party has a small shoulder tattoo. They are all feminine and delicate, and I like them. She insists that it is disrespectful to have the tattoos visible, even though I have discussed it with the more conservative people in our families and they agree that it wouldn’t be offensive. My Maid/Matron of Honor attacked me in front of the whole bridal party saying that I needed to act like a grown up and try to be responsible for once. I love her, but every time we get together to discuss the wedding I leave angry and upset. It’s to the point that I have started hiding projects from her so that I can enjoy some aspects of the wedding planning. I have no clue what to do so that I don’t ruin our friendship.
Post # 2
A good solution would be to stop involving her in your decision making. Unless she has been the one in contact with vendors and paying for everything, she literally has no control–other than social pressure–over your wedding. If that drives her away, that’s probably for the better…
Post # 3
Uhm, this is your wedding, right? Not hers? It may behoove you to have either yourself or your bridesmaids all together or someone sit this Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her that she’s a) being a bully and b) may have forgotten that this is not her wedding. She will have plenty of opportunity to plan her “perfect” wedding when she gets married. Until then, she needs to help carry out your vision.
I hate to say it, but if nothing else works, it may be time to find a new Maid/Matron of Honor if she continues to act like a child throwing a tantrum. Input from your bridesmaids is great, but this is crossing the line between being helpful and just putting you down.
Post # 4
Doesn’t sound like she should be the Maid/Matron of Honor to be honest. She can’t ‘forbid’ anything. And she sounds like a massive jerk!
Post # 5
Ooooooh my. That sounds awful. I would tell her to bugger off. This is your day! She needs to keep her opinions to herself and help you make your dream wedding a reality, not put down all your ideas, which by the way are so cute and personal!
It’s one thing to say “are you sure you want a Disney cake topper?” and then let it go, although even that is not very kind, but to actually make a whole board of ‘grown up’ cake toppers? Come on. She’s the one that needs to grow up!
Post # 6
repeat after me: “Thanks for your opinion, but we’ve made a final decision on what we want, and paid for it”
Stay out of the shower business, that is NOT your issue, your BMs need to be able to talk to her if she didnt set a budget with them
Post # 7
Unless she is paying for your dj, she can’t forbid you from having your choice of first dance music.
Learn, “thank you for your idea, but we will stick to xyz”
And next time she tells you to take charge and act like a grown up, start with her. Tell her i am taking charge and we are doing xyz whether you like it or not.say i love you bf but It’s fi and my wedding not yours.
It sucks that she is not asking for the other girls imput for the shower, but she is the host…. so im not sure what you can do there. I think its up to the girls to say we can contribute xyz amount and only if we are involved in planning.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion
I don’t really have anything constructive to add, sorry Bee. I wish I did, but I know how complicated things like this can be. My only advice is just to be firm with her, smile and nod when she gives “advice”, but stick to the course! Just out of curiosity, is she single? Or not yet engaged? A find a lot of these problems have a common root: envy.
Post # 9
IDK why you’re letting her control your wedding – she’s not the one getting married! Just tell her no. Also, she should NOT have planned a party and then TOLD everyone else what their contribution is. TBH I wouldn’t want to pay $150 for a shower either (assuming you also need to buy a gift, dress, etc).
eta – for your first dance, it might be nice to do an instrumental version of whatever song you like. That way it isn’t so in your face disney, but still special for you!
Post # 10
I fail to see why she needs to be involved in your decision making re cake topper, first dance song, garter/bouquet toss, tattoos etc.
Post # 11
tell her where to shove it… I cant stand it when people ‘forbid’ others, who the fuck gave them the right to do that?
you do you and firmly point out what she wants and likes will matter when SHE gets married and not until
Post # 12
thats why im trying not to snap at her. She has been engaged 3 times. She has horrible taste in men and when she puts down my man or the wedding i know shes just projecting and i try not to take it personally. I dont know what to tell her to make her see shes being awful without hurting her feelings or our friendship
Post # 13
its not so much that i ask her opinion as she will ask questions or one of the other girls will ask and she cant help but throw her two cents in repeatedly
Post # 14
“____ and I have that covered, thanks. We’d like to keep some things a surprise.”
Post # 15
Okay so I’m still sitting at my computer laughing at “S&M” which gave me the biggest laugh all day. Maybe M&S? And I’ve never been to a Disney wedding but my FH has. Those little details make it more personal and meaningful. Don’t let anyone talk you out of them!
And when she has a BS opinion like that, you should just start saying, “Duly noted, moving on…” and repeat it if she keeps trying to harp on it. Or just don’t be interested and say in a far off voice, “Well, when its your wedding you’re free to do that. This one’s ours.”
Listen to the PPs and don’t let her steamroll you! if she wants to end the friendship for you telling her to back off, that’s not the kind of friend you want anyways.