(Closed) Maid of Honor problems! Help please!

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What do you think?

    I'm overreacting. Maybe she feels overwhelmed and insecure

    She's being irrational. You don't need experience to be MOH

    There is something else behind this

    I don't know but good luck!

  • Post # 3
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    It sounds to me like there’s something else going on here.  If you’re not expecting her to be a free wedding planner (and props to you for that), if what you’re after is having your best friend stand beside you during an important moment in your life… maybe say it just that simply and see what she says? 

    Post # 4
    2637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It sounds like you just need to have a heart to heart conversation (in person, NOT through texts!) and you tell her what you expect from a Maid/Matron of Honor, and how you really want her to be it even if she doesn’t thinks she has the money, and you listen to her and ask her if there is any other reasons that she might not feel adequate or not want to do it.

    Post # 5
    413 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I didn’t pick a choice because I really think she’s just overwhelmed at the thought of everything that is associated with being a Maid/Matron of Honor.  I think if you reassure her and let her know that your only expectation is for her to be there then day of your wedding and stand next to you, you may have a little more luck.  Unfortunately there are soooo many shows on tv right now that paint the brides as dictator-like control freaks.  That is the monority (in my opinion).  I think most of us would say that all  we wanted from our bridal party was their support on the big day.  You have a lot of time before your wedding so don’t make any hasty decisions.  I think this requires a face-to-face conversation and maybe more than one.  Hopefully, both of you can be open and honest about what the situation truly is.

    Post # 6
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @KarenA: I would go over and talk to her… Sounds like a deeper issue to me


    Post # 7
    1525 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    She might just be stressed about all the unknowns, too. There are books about being a bridesmaid. She might find one of them helpful. Barring that, a heart to heart will probably be best.

    Post # 8
    199 posts
    Blushing bee

    Only half kidding: Maybe she just saw Bridesmaids and is thinking she has to be responsible for the whole nine yards?

    Seriously, sounds like she’s scared of not doing a good enough job and, maybe, someone else she knows has “helped” with advice or warnings and she’s spooked. Or she’s done research and found out the usual MoH duties and it seems like a lot to her. The heart to heart is definitely in order, but if she’s really uncomfortable, you might want to consider letting her step down to Bridesmaid or Best Man status and elevating one of your other ladies to the MoH position or having a co-MoH to help your reluctant friend.

    Post # 9
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Sounds like she is overwhelmed and maybe just needs to hear from you that you just want your best friend to be there with you on your big day. (my Maid/Matron of Honor kind of felt the same way until I explained to her that I loved her and wanted her to be there with me to share in all of the joy of our special day, which really helped to calm her down) I have also decided to make an effort to not talk constantly about all things wedding related all of the time with her and my bridesmaids, I try and make sure that I am still just their friend, not just the friend that’s getting married. 

    Post # 11
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Wow! I feel like you are telling my story.  The same thing happened to me.  I asked my friend (that I have know for more than 10 years) to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.  At first, she was super excited and wanted to plan things.  She was more excited about the wedding than I was.  Then, a few months back, I tried to contact her and no answer.  For about a month, I called and texted and no answer.  Finally, I wrote her on facebook and asked her what was going on.  She finally called and said she doesnt think she would be a good Maid/Matron of Honor because she wont have the money.  She said that she thinks she would do a bad job at planning my bachelorette party and my bridal shower.  Mind you, I have ALWAYS been there for this girl.  I was there when her father was murdered and when the people who did it were on trial.  I was there when her heart was broken.  I was ALWAYS there.  And this one time, the time I needed her the most, she bailed.  That conversation was our last.  I decided that if she didnt want to be a part of the wedding, I was not going to force her.  I realized that sometimes we may know someone forever but people change and we go in different directions. Its been about three months since I last spoke to her and I have to be honest, I’m kinda happy she told me she didnt want to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.  I dont want anyone at my wedding who doesnt want to be there and who doesnt support Fiance and I 100%.

    To this day, I dont know what happened.  The money issue, I dont believe.  My wedding isnt until November 2012 and she had tons of time to save.  The parties, I dont think that’s the issue because I have another Maid/Matron of Honor who said she would plan all the parties and stuff. I dont know what her problem is and I honestly do not care.  If she ever decides to call and wants to be friends, that would be fine with me, but if not, I am perfectly happy with that too.

    All that to say that I completely understand where you are coming from.  I hope things work out but if it doesn’t, just remember that as long as you and your Fiance are there on your wedding day, that is all that matters.

    Good luck with everything. 

    Post # 12
    91 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    hey my advice would be to have a chat with her i am being head bridesmaid for my best friends wedding ( and getting married myself in 2013) and it can be stressful more about the pressure that u put on yrself because as a bridesmaid u want they day to go well!!!

    Post # 15
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    are all your interactions over text? i think you need to talk to her and see what is going on…preferably in person but if not , at least over the phone. 

    The topic ‘Maid of Honor problems! Help please!’ is closed to new replies.

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