- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Has anyone switched Maid of Honor or had someone drop last minute? I’m not planning on booting anyone, just maybe switching..I am getting the distinct impression that my MoH doesn’t actually want to be MoH.
One of my bridesmaids has been amazing during the whole wedding process, while my actual Maid of Honor has been….lackluster. Don’t get me wrong, I love MoH to death as a person. She has just really been throwing off the “your wedding is an inconvenience in my life” vibe big time….which is odd, as I haven’t asked anything of any of my girls.
For example, we are doing a spa day. MoH and I looked at reviews, I collected all the $$ and gave it to her, she scheduled the appointment. And she did my shower. Annnnnnd that’s all I’ve done with her or asked of anyone.
And from what I’m told, MoH did far less for my shower than BM did. BM bought a bunch of decorations and a bunch of food/alcohol and hosted it at her house. MoH mailed the invitations and helped set up and then ran home (seriously, she was cleaning and packing before people were even out the door) to “take care of her injured parents, her dad had surgery and her mom hurt her ankle out hiking” and was tagged out to dinner with her boyfriend instead. Dude, if you had a dinner reservation, you could have just told me.
MoH has been giving me issues about the rehearsal (she doesn’t want to take off work early – that’s fine, but she also wants us to wait for her to get there at 4:30 when sun sets at 4:45 at my outside venue which closes at dusk. I can’t wait for her, but she doesn’t want to come late and only be there a short amount of time. She also said she can’t guarantee she’d get there because of traffic..BUT she doesn’t want to not come either. ARGH!), she complained about having to travel to BM’s house for the rehearsal dinner (it’s being catered at BM’s house because my granddad has cancer and I wanted him to be somewhere comfy – not at a restaurant) which she is by no means actually obligated to attend (she’s on a special diet – not medical, it’s choice, but she wouldn’t eat anything anyway so she doesn’t have to come), she complained about having to drive to the town where I’m getting married too many times during the wedding week (we’re doing a spa day Saturday before, mani/pedi, the rehearsal and then the actual wedding…Other BMs and myself live just as far away as MoH does and they have not said anything, they are just excited and looking forward to pampering). I wanted to do the spa day/mani-pedi on the same day but MoH was worried about ruining her nails a week out so we split it up to two days. It was her idea…
MoH is too busy to come to my final fitting and learn to bustle my dress, BM is not and will gladly come on her lunch break because she is awesome. MoH is too busy to learn to bustle the dress on a weekend and wants me to drive down to her to teach her how to bustle the dress on a weeknight because her weekends are soooooooo crazy and she’ll have to get back to me on when she’s available. Okay, fine, I will do that because I want her to know it. But dang, it’s not like you haven’t known for the last year that you’re in the bridal party. And she hasn’t gotten back to me yet, I’m waiting.
And I’m also hearing from another of the girls that BM is handling most of my bachelorette details as well (and BM is the only one asking me questions about the affair and what I want, etc). BM also went with me to Michaels and other such places to play around with centerpiece ideas, and she has just been there for me in general during this whole process.
MoH doesn’t want to give a speech at the reception either because she’s afraid of public speaking (so I’m going to ask BM, I suppose, or just not do speeches).
I feel like I made the wrong choice, honestly. Which may or may not be mean of me, I’m not sure. I understand MoH has her own life, and I know that the only person who my wedding is important to is me.
I honestly get the impression that MoH does not want to actually BE MoH. She expressed concerns of not being able to handle it in the beginning and she has become more and more busy. She reiterated in a text this morning that things are so hectic and this is why she didn’t think she could do it. So I mean she was up front with me. Part of me is wondering if I should just ask her outright if she still wants to be MoH or if it would be easier for her to step down and hand it off to BM…or is it just too late now because the wedding is 5 weeks away? Can I make BM an Honorary Maid of Honor without offending the actual MoH? Part of me feels like she hasn’t really lived up to her title and has barely been there for me as either MoH or a friend while BM has been awesome.
Or should I just let it all go and get over myself? Lol. Ugh. I don’t know what to do!