- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
So since we’ve started the planning process, we picked our venue and my Maid/Matron of Honor (asked a long time ago) is raring to go. She’s been pinning stuff to her pinterest for ideas, is super organised and big into throwing parties and events – she’s that awesomely organised friend that is perfect for this kinda thing!
However, I feel a bit like a lot of her suggestions come across as…final.
When I briefly mentioned favors, she said “oh, we’re gonna do jam for you. I’m gonna make it with my mom.” (FI and I have already decided what we wanted, which is something much more personal to us rather than random jars of jam – no doubt they’d be cute tho!
I showed her some DIY decorations I wanted to make, and explained the centerpiece ideas, and she was not at all keen.
I mentioned a possible garter toss and she looked at me funny “are you gonna do that? I don’t think (FI) should do the whole sexy thing, he wouldn’t really pull it off.” (Ouch! >:( )
She wants to throw me a bachelorette party and in a super generous gesture, since my family are all back overseas, offered to throw me a bridal shower too (not really done where I’m from, but it’s very cute!).
But she also said “keep X date free, that’s your engagement party!”
I was sort of taken aback, since we never did a celebration for our engagement (over a year ago) and back home that’s usually a small, family and close friends dinner sort of thing, not a party – I’m well aware its frequently celebrated as a party in the states but I feel odd having one over a year after the proposal!
She also said it’s going to be at her favorite bar, which is a wine-only bar – fine, except Fiance and I don’t drink wine, and neither do most of our friends if given a choice. I don’t feel particularly comfortable having an engagement party thrown for us without any input being asked for – is this a common thing in the USA (obviously birthdays are different)?
She has awesome ideas, and I know she’s going to be amazing at keeping me organised and I love that she’s keen, but Fiance and I are geeky travel nuts, so I wanted the details to reflect us, not necessarily do the ‘norm’.
How do I persuade her to accept that a majority of the decisions are gonna be finalised by Fiance and I (and that we don’t particularly want an engagement party) without getting rid of her enthusiasm?! She’s a great buddy and I don’t want to put her off.
And for the latter point – just take the engagement party as what it is – a generous gesture – and get over being uncomfortable about it? Or try to kindly dissuade her?