Maid of Honor Quit.

posted 10 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Tell your best friend, who is obviously hurting right now for whatever reason, that you’re there for her.  If she wants to do a party with just you then that’s what you’ll do and you’ll do the other party without her.  Ask her not to step down unless she really wants to because no matter where she is she’ll always be your maid of honor.

Post # 3
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I agree with your mom – there is clearly something more going on. I’d straight up ask her. Make sure you don’t come off as accusational 

Post # 4
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee

Weren’t her “plans and ideas” the second choice? Why does she think that people agreeing to that which was ORIGINALLY planned is trampling her secondary plans?

Did you not explain to her that it was financially easier on everyone else? Does she not care about anyone else’s financial position? In a case like this, I think you’re absolutely right to listen to the financial concerns of the majority, and your bestie can certainly go on the LESS expensive trip without complaint. 

It sounds like this “more” that’s going on is jealousy–she’s jealous that you have these other friends, plain and simple, and that you’re “siding” with them (because you’re being sensitive to the financial concerns of the majority of women attending this party) over her. She probably thinks your loyalty should be to her, no matter how unreasonable her perspective. Your bestie doesn’t look like the person with integrity here, and I’d suggest that you speak to her and really make it clear how important it is to consider the expenses of the trips. 

Post # 5
Member
12208 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Everyone should have first been consulted as to an agreed upon budget, not a location. Once they voted, you don’t then just impose a new, much more expensive plan on people. Your other friends responded appropriately with their concerns. 

I’d tell your maid of honor you are confused by her reaction and that this has nothing to do with how much you valued her friendship. You were simply not willing to put pressure on other people’s finances. She sounds totally inconsiderate and insensitive to that. 

What I think happened is that she felt undermined and embarrassed as the organizer because you stepped in and emailed the others after she had already imposed plan B. You essentially took matters into your own hands after she ignored or forgot about your request that the others be consulted first. At that point, I probably would have given her the opportunity to communicate to the others that the plan had changed back again.

Personally, I’d have insisted on something local from the beginning, but that’s me. As for the friendship, if it’s important to you, ask her if you can talk this through. I have to be honest though. I would not respect how she handled herself. 

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