Post # 1
Wedding is in a little over 2 months, and I think my Maid/Matron of Honor is stepping down, and honestly I’m so confused and hurt by it all. It literally is because of a silly bach party. The ladies all decided on location A during a vote she held. But my Maid/Matron of Honor mentioned to me that location B would be so much cooler, in which in all honesty, I totally agreed. I told her that I was okay with a switch to location B, as long as everyone else was okay with it financially. She then sent out an exciting email with new plans for plan B without neccessairly asking if the girls were okay with the switch. The girls replied and expressed their concerns. Financially it would’ve been a lot. I quickly called my Maid/Matron of Honor thanking her for the exciting pland but asked if we could stick to the original plan A. I even mentioned that we should save that adventurous itenary for us! It was never my intention to cause any sort of finacial stress on anyone. Besides this is my wedding, no one else should have to go into debt because of my glorified party. At the end of the day we could’ve stayed right at home for all I cared. It’s the bridesmaids that makes the bach. I emailed the girls, and said that we would be sticking to plan A and I apologized for the confusion. This is where things went south.
Maid/Matron of Honor called me, and told me that she’d never known me to be such a push over. She said that I let my other friends run all over her plans and ideas. (For whatever reason, she believes that they do not like her.) Trust me, I’m not naive to these things, that is not the case here. She then tells me that she feels like I’m being more loyal to my “seasonal” friends than to her, a loyal friend since childhood. I apologized for whatever feelings I caused her to feel. I honestly was so confused and thus apologized blindly. The conversation ended with her telling me, that she doesn’t think she should attend that bach because she felt that it would be awkward, and that maybe someone else should plan it. She also said that it’s okay with her if I chose another Maid/Matron of Honor and that it might be for the best. In her words, “I’ll still come to the wedding.” At which point I balled my eyes out. I’m not quite sure what’s happening here. My mom thinks there’s more to this than just a bach location. My brain hurts to dig that deep. Any advice on how I should handle this? She’s my BEST friend. This is literally over a silly bachelorette location and her believing that I’m choosing my other friends over her. We’re all 28s and early 30s btw.
Post # 2
Tell your best friend, who is obviously hurting right now for whatever reason, that you’re there for her. If she wants to do a party with just you then that’s what you’ll do and you’ll do the other party without her. Ask her not to step down unless she really wants to because no matter where she is she’ll always be your maid of honor.
Post # 3
I agree with your mom – there is clearly something more going on. I’d straight up ask her. Make sure you don’t come off as accusational
Post # 4
Weren’t her “plans and ideas” the second choice? Why does she think that people agreeing to that which was ORIGINALLY planned is trampling her secondary plans?
Did you not explain to her that it was financially easier on everyone else? Does she not care about anyone else’s financial position? In a case like this, I think you’re absolutely right to listen to the financial concerns of the majority, and your bestie can certainly go on the LESS expensive trip without complaint.
It sounds like this “more” that’s going on is jealousy–she’s jealous that you have these other friends, plain and simple, and that you’re “siding” with them (because you’re being sensitive to the financial concerns of the majority of women attending this party) over her. She probably thinks your loyalty should be to her, no matter how unreasonable her perspective. Your bestie doesn’t look like the person with integrity here, and I’d suggest that you speak to her and really make it clear how important it is to consider the expenses of the trips.
Post # 5
Everyone should have first been consulted as to an agreed upon budget, not a location. Once they voted, you don’t then just impose a new, much more expensive plan on people. Your other friends responded appropriately with their concerns.
I’d tell your maid of honor you are confused by her reaction and that this has nothing to do with how much you valued her friendship. You were simply not willing to put pressure on other people’s finances. She sounds totally inconsiderate and insensitive to that.
What I think happened is that she felt undermined and embarrassed as the organizer because you stepped in and emailed the others after she had already imposed plan B. You essentially took matters into your own hands after she ignored or forgot about your request that the others be consulted first. At that point, I probably would have given her the opportunity to communicate to the others that the plan had changed back again.
Personally, I’d have insisted on something local from the beginning, but that’s me. As for the friendship, if it’s important to you, ask her if you can talk this through. I have to be honest though. I would not respect how she handled herself.