- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
So i’ve been really struggling with my Maid of Honor. When I first asked her over a year ago, our relationship was still very strong, and she and I were wonderful friends who were always there for each other.
However, within the last 8ish months, she’s just gotten very uncomfortable any time I bring up the wedding and has basically stopped being a friend to me at all. Which is tough, because I chose her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor because I trust her opinions, and thought she’d be someone I could count on to vent to, give me opinions, all that stuff. Yes, weddings are boring to so many people, but MOH’s are supposed to be that one person you can talk to for hours on end about boring crap that no one else wants to hear about, you know?
That being said, I am NOT the kind of person who ONLY talks about their wedding. I make a point of that. But…I mean, aren’t you supposed to be able to at least bother your Maid/Matron of Honor with wedding stuff, if no one else?
Specifically, she’s told me on multiple occassions that she doesn’t care about and is not interested in my wedding. She has flat out said, “I’m not interested in your wedding.” Point blank. It’s almost like a taboo topic with her…I can’t bring it up without her either getting really uncomfortable, or kind of aggressively apathetic about it. When I ask for opinions on things, it’s either quick one-line responses, or straight out, “I don’t know” or “I don’t care”.
I asked her several times if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me, but it was always a no. I asked her if she wanted to go bridesmaid dress shopping with me. No again.
When I finally picked out my wedding dress I asked her if she wanted to see a PICTURE of it (we were litterally sitting right next to each other, and to view the picture would have caused no effort on her part) and her response was a flat out, “Not really. I seriously don’t care.”
I asked her to look at some pictures of chair covers and her response was something about how it’d look like the room was filled with ghosts…lol. *sigh*
I finally asked her the other day if she truly didn’t care and why the wedding made her so uncomfortable. She didn’t have an answer. She just said something like, “I can’t pretend to be interested in something I’m not interested in.” =o(
Thankfully I’ve got other friends who are so kind and supportive and have all stepped up to help and who genuinely want the best for me and my partner. I don’t complain about my Maid/Matron of Honor to them, but they often ask questions about where she is and why she isn’t helping, and I just don’t have an answer for them. So, I think they’ve recognized there’s an issue and have really come through for me in a lot of ways. I’m so grateful.
I really don’t know what to do. I’m just sad that I’ve lost a friend more than anything. I have been open and honest with her about my feelings, asking if I’ve done anything to offend her, and it’s always a, “No, it’s me” response.
I’m not pushing the issue anymore with her. I’ve expressed myself, explained everything (never gotten in a fight, just civil discourse), and there’s nothing more I can say or do. She knows my feelings, and she knows where to find me. I just hate the thought of standing next to someone, as I’m being MARRIED nonetheless, who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me. In my head, I’m thinking about handing my bouquet off to someone who has no desire to be up there with me at all, you know? =o I used to trust her more than anyone in the world, and I genuinely love her as a sister. I’d like to be able to look to her for support on that day, to just have my friend back…and I’m devasted to know that it probably won’t happen.