(Closed) Maid of Honor says she doesn’t care about the wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’d ask her to step down and ask one of your other bridesmaids to take her place, you don’t need someone in a Maid/Matron of Honor role if they aren’t even interested in your wedding.  Being your Maid/Matron of Honor is an honor.

Post # 5
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@CruiseWedding2010: I agree .. and I dont think she will cry or be upset – it almost seems like she would be relieved ..I  cant even IMAGINE her refuting it 

Post # 6
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@lambobble: You answered it exactly right you CARED and she doesn’t seem to, it’s YOUR day and you want it do be a day you treasure and love, she isn’t going to make it that way for you with her poor attitude!!  Save yourself the heartache!!

Post # 7
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

im pretty sure she wouldnt even ‘care’ to get bumped down.. its your special day and shes making it non-special.. she has a horrible attitude and who cares if she feels uncomfortable she should take in considerations her actions that are making you uncomfortable. while planning a wedding ive learned that its stressful enough without people bringing you down or not being supportive. Please surround yourself with people who have you at their best interest.. the comments she made to me are just plain heartless.. sorry to say but you deserve so much more!! I hope all works out for you sweetie.

Post # 8
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Imagine if you tried to talk to her about your job or something going on in your family and her response was, “I seriously just don’t care.”  That kind of reaction just seems rude in general.

However, that would be my question – does she react like that when you talk about other things?  Is it just the wedding?  Is something personal going on with her that the thought of you getting married really bothers her?  Does she find the idea of a wedding stupid in general? (I know some people like this – they think the whole thing is ridiculous).  Is it possible that you have a different perception than she does regarding how much you talk about the wedding (i.e. she thinks you talk about it too much, even though you take great pains not to make it the focus of every conversation)?

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She doesn’t even sound like a good friend much less a good Maid/Matron of Honor. If somebody I didn’t even know said that to me when I tried to say anything about my wedding I would cry my eyes out. I can’t even imagine your Maid/Matron of Honor saying that to you! You should enjoy this process and it seems like she is trying to keep you from enjoying it. A true friend wouldn’t do that.

Post # 11
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry but I’d ask her to step down. IMO she doesn’t deserve the honor of being your Maid/Matron of Honor since she “doesn’t care at all” about anything to do with your wedding other than what SHE is wearing which is beyond selfish and self centered. I was just the matron of honor in one of my best friends weddings and was beyond honored to carry that title and I feel like you 100% deserve an Maid/Matron of Honor that will be honored and will want to be there for you! You seem like a very nice girl and a very good friend and I really think you need to stand up for yourself and ask her to step down to a bridesmaid or even just a guest.

You deserve to look back at your wedding and have fond memories of it and the planning process…you don’t want to look back and always think about how negative your Maid/Matron of Honor was and how sad you were about it the whole time. I’m sorry your going through this:(

Post # 12
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I just went through this same problem.  I would ask her to step down to be a bridesmaid or not be in the wedding at all.  You will want people who care about your happiness and wedding standin behind you, not someone who will not even listen to your talk about your wedding, this is a HUGE deal in your life!!  I talked to mine–it didn’t go so well, but, atleast I found out she really wasn’t a true friend.  Best of luck to you!  Follow your gut instinct. You won’t want to be worrying about this throughout all of the wedding planning.

Post # 13
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow that sucks. Maybe she does not want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, and is trying to get you to get upset enough where you take her duties and give them to someone else in your bridal party.  If she doesnt care about your wedding, then she is not a friend. You should make someone else your Maid/Matron of Honor and just take her out of your wedding. You dont need someone in all of your wedding pictures who is going to be sour about everything, bringing you down on the happiest time of your life…seriously, get a new Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m sure she wont care anyways.

Post # 14
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Do not hestitate to ask her to step down. It seems to me that she is almost begging you to do it. I know it’s sad from a friendship perspective, but it’s the right thing to do.

Aside from it being an honor, being a Maid/Matron of Honor is also a job! Seriously, you need to be able to count on your Maid/Matron of Honor to “be there” for you on your wedding day. And I don’t mean symbolically, or just to stand next to you and hold your bouquet. She needs to be there physically, mentally and emotionally. She needs to be “at your disposal” – to step in if you need something done, a situation handled with a vendor, or just a hug in a stressful moment.

Example: When I was sitting in the hairdresser’s chair the morming of my wedding, I expressed concern to my Maid/Matron of Honor that I had bags under my eyes because I hadn’t slept much the night before. She promptly drove to a nearby store to buy a cucumber, came back and sliced it and put it on my eyes. THAT is a MOH!

Ask yourself, which of your friends is willing and capable of stepping up for you like that? Because that is the person who deserves the honor and recognition to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 15
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, I really have no idea what to say. I would be less worried about her attitude about my wedding and more concerned about what is going on in her life to make her this way. If the two of you were close 8 months ago, close enough for her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, then something is going wrong in her life for her to pull away from you like this. Is she olny pulling away from you, or is it everyone? Is her relationship on the rocks? The worst thing is to be in an awful relationship thats falling apart and have people getting married all around you (been there). Maybe her pointing out that her boyfriend hates weddings means that she feels like her relationship is going no where and that she will never be where you are. Does she have many close friends? Maybe she is thinking that she is going to lose you after you get married? She could have some larger underlying problem going on her life that you don’t know about, but if you are really her friend you will find out and not just in relation to your wedding, but what’s really wrong. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this 🙁

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