(Closed) Maid of Honor says she doesn’t care about the wedding

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

That really stinks. I kind of have a Maid/Matron of Honor like that as well.  She got a boyfriend, and we don’t talk/email nearly as much as we used to.  It’s really sad.

Do you think she’s have boyfriend issues and maybe that’s affecting her?  Like, maybe it makes her sad that you’re getting married and so happy and she isn’t?  I don’t know. Just trying to guess.  I’d hate to ask someone to step down, but you want someone that is equally as happy for you as you are, and it doesn’t seem that way.

I really hope things get better, and I’m glad you have other people around to talk to about wedding things.

Post # 20
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have a Maid and a Matron of Honor, ask the other friend too and have them both have a special role. I just think that asking someone to step down is not right considering you asked them in the first place.

Post # 21
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

After reading about your heart to heart with her I think that asking her to step down would only intensify her feelings that everyone is mad at her. Her issues may be beyond your ability to help, but you should not be the one to make it worse on her. If she steps down eventually that is on her. I say ask your other friend to be the Matron and have your current friend as the Maid, that way you don’t hurt anyone who is already hurting but you are covered with a responsible and caring Maid/Matron of Honor too 🙂

Post # 22
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@lambobble: I think you should have her step down as MoH because for one it’s your happy moment and do you really want someone who doesn’t give a damn about your wedding standing there next to you? Two, she’s going to be in the photos, and do you think she’s going to look happy to be there? Probably not, and I know down the road you may pull those photos out and feel this sadness all over again and you shouldn’t. It sounds like she is there to be there, in a physical sense but emotionally she has completely separated herself from you, and the wedding. I think, it’s time that she’s give space as well, and see if the friendship can recover? I’m really sorry if what I say is mean, I’m not trying to be. But I’ve dealt with someone like that before, and … well they ruined a happy moment for me and I just honestly hope this doesn’t happen to you.

 

Eidt – Gah…I’ve got to start reading everything. =x Insert foot in mouth…it sounds so much more complicated after reading your last post.

Post # 23
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

how can i say this nicely…..KICK HER OUT!!! seriously….time for her to go. she can be a bridesmaid…or maybe even just a guest. but she has got to go hunny.

Post # 24
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Turn to your friend who wants to help when you need a wedding planning buddy, but I really feel that it is not right to kick her out. She is depressed, these are signs of depression. She is probably not doing this on purpose and to intensify her feelings of isolation will do her no good. She won’t ruin your wedding because she is sad, everyone else’s happiness will overshadow any dark cloud that follows her.

Post # 24
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I may be completely off base, but perhaps she’s a bit jealous? And not jealous in the snarky kind of way, but maybe she wants to get married as well? I’m sure that your friendship isn’t dying, and I’m sure that with time, it’ll pass. I wouldn’t ask her to step down, but I would ask another one of your girls to be a co-maid of honor. If your current Maid/Matron of Honor “doesn’t care”, she may not even want to help at all with any kind of planning that you need her to help you with, or may just half a$$ it. I do feel that she may have some kind of personal problems that she’s just not ready to share with you. Just keep being her friend, and show her that you love her, and that you care. But definitely ask one of your girls to be a co-MOH.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 25
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

View original reply
@Ms. Sea Lion:  That is exactly what I was thinking.  Maybe she is jealous.

Post # 26
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How rude. Ask that biatch to step down and out of your bridal party. You deserve to be surrounded by supportive people.

In all honesty, she sounds terribly jealous, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep her around to rain on your parade.

Post # 27
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wouldn’t even ask her to step down- just cordially relieve her of the ‘burden’. ‘I’m sorry that this is coming between us, I am going to have so and so be my MoH so you don’t have to stress about it anymore!’

If you ‘ask’ her she might get all hostile like ‘omg it’s not a big deal, w/e I don’t even care’.  Just TELL her you are going to find someone who would be honored to do the job! No reason to make yourself miserable over it.  Maybe she’s just jealous because her BF hates weddings and she doesn’t have one in her future? I dunno, obviously I don’t know the chick! Best of luck to you in your decision.

Post # 28
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If she were really such a good friend, she’d be excited FOR your because YOU are excited.  She shouldn’t have accepted in the first place.  My Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t even really believe in the institution of marriage, but she’s going all out to help me and be my sounding board and she’s long distance.  She may not think marriage is necessary, but because it is important to me she’s excited for me.  A friend can put their own feelings aside at least a little to help you out.  She doesn’t care?  Well it isn’t about her is it?  I hate the saying “its about me, its my day”  there are a lot of variables, but certainly about you, and if she doesn’t care, she shouldn’t have the honor of being your maid of honor.

Post # 29
Member
15136 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

“I seriously dont care”!?!??!   I’d have given her the boot right there and then! 

Post # 30
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Not that it is any excuse, but since her boyfriend “hates weddings”, maybe she realizes that if she wants to be with that guy forever, she’s not going to get what you are getting.  Maybe she’s jealous?? 

Either way, I would not want to be friends with someone that said “I seriously just don’t care” about my wedding.  That she can’t even take a slight interest in something that is so important and special to you shows that she doesn’t deserve to be your friend.  I hope it works out, but she sounds just awful. 

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