Post # 1
I’m in desperate need of advice…
My maid of honor is one of my dearest friends from undergrad and recently she, my fiancé and a few of his friends and I all went back to our college town for a football game. We invited all our friends and paid for the rental of a house for the weekend. My fiance and I had tickets to the game but our friends did not… while we were at the game our friends continued to get more inebrated and one thing led to another and my maid of honor was making out with 3 groomsmen and bragging about it while she was trashed; this is after the night before she was telling everyone she was waiting for the ring from her boyfriend.
i’m still really upset at her for not conducting herself better and representing either of us better in this situation. Should I care? How would any of you handle this?
thanks for your help
This topic was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Katemcsp.
Post # 2
I wouldn’t do anything about it.
She’s not representing You, she’s representing herself.
It’s really not your business or something to get involved in. It’s her behaviour, her mistake.. and her conscience, her decision how to handle it (whether to tell her boyfriend or not, etc).
If she had slept with them all I might tell her to re-consider getting married and point out that it wasn’t very fair on her boyfriend, but in this situation I really would definitely not get involved. It’s really not your business.
Post # 3
Katemcsp: You can’t control how other people act.
You also can’t control what they do.
I’ve learned that people who cheat- often don’t care what kind of advice they are offered- they will do what they please. Two of my close friends have both been married, and both have extensive cheating pasts. They are also both divorced now- though one has drastically changed her ways and has two kids with her boyfriend (whom she has never cheated on)–
No one is going to give you the side-eye at your wedding because she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor. Just leave it alone.
Post # 4
Katemcsp: her actions reflect poorly on her, not you.
Now, do I think those guys will eventually be laughing at her skanky actions? Yes, but I highly doubt you’ll be mentioned at all.If it were my friend that did this, I’d probably distance myself from her after your wedding. But, I don’t really care to associate with people like that.
Post # 5
Katemcsp: She doesn’t represent you, though. Her actions reflect on herself and have nothing to do with you. What about the three groomsmen? How do you feel about them participating in this as well?
MrsBagel: Can we not call her skanky? The guys were active participants in this too.
Post # 6
I don’t agree with people saying she doesn’t represent you.. She kind of does, we are who are friends are. If they act like fucking idiots in public, it does reflect on us. With that being said, you cannot control how any one acts. You can only control your reaction to her.
I would definitely care if my ‘friend’ carried on like that, but I don’t generally associate with people who make poor decisions under the influence.
If its a one-off completely out of character situation, I would do nothing and move on.. If its a pattern of terrible behavior when she drinks, I would distance myself.
Post # 7
Katemcsp: is this the first time shes ever done something like this before? i wouldnt be so quick to distance myself from her esp if shes a dear friend and people make mistakes. and as a previous bee said – her actions reflect her, not you. shes not a child, nor a relative. shes a grown ass woman and you cannot tell her HOW to behave. we all have friends that sometimes act like dicks in public. does that makes us a bad person for being their friends. no. if they continue to act this way ALL THE TIME then thats a different story.
however, i would NOT get in-between this situation with her, your FI’s friends and her Boyfriend or Best Friend. is up to her to make this right by apologizing to her Fiance (if she goes this route) and to you and your Fiance. past that, just keep your nose clean. if she asks for adivce on how to handle the situation, thats up to you.
Post # 8
Katemcsp: is this out of character for her? I would probably have a chat with her and make sure she’s not being self-destructive for some reason.
Post # 9
Katemcsp: Honestly, I think she just made herself look bad and the groomsmen made themselves look bad. Is this out of character for her? Unfortunately, these are the things that can happen when someone (of either sex) has too much to drink. I think almost everyone has had an experience of having too much to drink and embarrassing themselves–I know I did once, which is why I barely drink anymore.
You haven’t included her reaction or response when she was sober. Was she still bragging about it, or was she embarrassed? I don’t think you need to feel embarrassed about her actions, if anything, it’s the four particpants who should be embarrassed. I understand that when it’s your friend you feel responsible for their actions and I completely get where you feel it reflects back badly on you–and it can, but that’s not in your control, that’s in the control of the rest of your “friends” who were present during the interaction.
Post # 10
ClaudiaKishi: Thank you so much for saying this.
Katemcsp: Ditto really.
The Maid/Matron of Honor is a grown adult who in no way represents you, she represents herself. She and the groomsmen are presumably all adults who can do whatever they choose, whether you approve or not. Her relationship with her boyfriend, and what they do or don’t consider cheating, is none of your business unless she asks for your advice / support etc.
Unless of course you’re going to have a word with the 3 groomsmen about their inappropriate behaviour making out with a drunk chick? How do you think that represents you and your fi?