Post # 1
I’m looking for a little advise. My maid of honor is my sister and she has been very difficult throughout the entire planning process. She has complained about everything including the cost of her dress, the fact that she has to buy shoes, the cost of the hair and make up, the fact that she has to take a day off work for my bachelorette party (she works 3 jobs)… the list goes on and on. She even sent my mom an email telling her to tell me to stop calling and texting her about anything wedding related because she’s tired of hearing about it.
She also has told me on two occasions that she might not be able to make it to the wedding because she might be in vet school. My parents think she said this so that they would offer to pay for her plane ticket to fly home for the wedding.
My question is, how would you handle this situation? It’s hard for me to want to include her in anything because of her negative attitude. When I try to be nice and include her she gets annoyed by all the “wedding talk” but if I leave her out she’ll probably be mad about that too. I really feel like I’m in a loose loose situation. Help!
Post # 3
Honestly, I would say that if she doesn’t want to buy the dress and shoes, and she’s not sure that she can come, that you would rather not have her as a bridesmaid and just invite her as a guest. I don’t have any sisters though, so I have no idea how that would go over.
Post # 4
Find a new Maid of Honor. She’s sounds uninterested and that’s probably not what you wanted or expected when you asked her.
Post # 5
I’d give her an out to see if she would take it. Then if. she doesn’t but she still complains and didn’t fully commit I’d have a coming-to-jesus/shit-or-get-off-the-pot talk with her and bluntly lay out her options for attending and pick one for her.
Post # 6
@j1mathieu: I would seriously ask her if she wants to be Maid/Matron of Honor. Being Maid/Matron of Honor involves work. You help the bride and plan showers and bach parties. If she does not like it, ask if she wants to give up the position and say you understand if she does.
Post # 7
@j1mathieu: She’s working 3 jobs? It sounds like money is a huge issue for her. I’d give her the option of bowing out of all or most of the wedding duties.
Post # 8
Agreed! Have a blunt talk with her and offer an escape from all the “bother.” I did that with one of my bridesmaids. She opted to stay in the wedding party, but I will tell you that she continued to be a PITA the entire way. 🙁 Think about it long and hard, but ask her right now if she wants to be a part of it or not. If it was me, I would also talk to my mom!!
Good luck!! I feel your pain.
Post # 9
Also, I have 2 sisters. Neither of them are in my wedding party (their kids are). So there’s no rule that says you need to have a sister in it. Especially if it seems she doesn’t want to be.
Post # 10
@j1mathieu: She shouldn’t be paying for hair and makeup.
She shouldn’t need to take a day off for your bachelorette. Isn’t it possible to organise the bachelorette on a night she isn’t working? Failing that, she doesn’t need to attend the bachelorette if her expenses/time are so tight that she can’t manage it.
I can’t help feeling you’re asking a bit too much of her. I would keep her as Maid/Matron of Honor, but expect little from her except buy her dress + shoes, and be there for the wedding.
Post # 11
@j1mathieu: Honestly you should pay for shoes if you’re requiring a specific shoe. You should pay for hair and makeup if you’re requiring it. If she can’t make the bachelorette, she can’t make it. If she works 3 hours, I’m assuming she needs the money. I think you’re asking too much, sorry.
Post # 12
My sister was my MOH–All I asked was her to stand up with me. Friends come and go, but bood is forever, so having her there was important to me.
Your sister sounds EXTREMELY busy–I’d let her off the hook for wedding stuff! Keep her as Maid/Matron of Honor, though.
Post # 13
@paula1248 honestly – i’d prefer she didn’t come to the bacehlorette or shower at this point. I also told her she can do her own hair and makeup if she prefers. i plan to get the bridesmaids shoes at target to help save them money. i really am trying to make things easy on everyone, not just her. i even let the bridesmaids pick their own dresses as long as they were the same color and length.
my friend planned the bachelorette party to be a weekend in NYC so no one would have to take time off work. my sister is the only one that will need to take time off because she works 7 days a week (3 jobs).
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
I think it’s important to note that our siblings would be at different life stages than ourselves. Being a bridesmaid — let alone an Maid/Matron of Honor — is EXPENSIVE! Vet school is also expensive.
@j1mathieu: If I were in your position, I would avoid wedding planning talks with your sister for a while — she’d probably like to see you ask how school/work is getting on for her. She sounds stressed out. When I’m stressed out/running on very little amounts of sleep, the last thing I’d want is to fuss about minute wedding details. (I can relate with your sister as I have a lot of things piled on the go; it’s overwhelming)
My Maid/Matron of Honor (practically my sister) has a crazy schedule; she’s a surgeon, but since she’s flying all the way from Australia, I’m paying for her dress, hair and make-up as courtesy/sisterly love. So, I think it all comes down to being open & honest with each other — about her expectations as someone who is really busy and your expectations as a bride.
It can still be fun, with her lack of availability! But it isn’t fair to impose the WIC’s Maid/Matron of Honor guide/bible on your sister.
Post # 15
@j1mathieu: Is your sister my sister?! I think your sister is being ridiculous. I’m seeing this as someone who has a sister who can’t be bothered to be involved in any part of the wedding… I don’t think you’re asking too much of her. You just want your sister to talk about wedding stuff with you and be excited for you. It sounds like no matter what you do she would complain. My sister complained about every single aspect of the wedding that involved paying for anything… So my mom paid for her (BTW my sister is 33). Could your sister be complaining because she wants your parents to pay for everything. If you could, could you nicely tell her you understand that she is busy and trying to save money and she doesn’t have to be your maid of honor? Or could you appoint another Bridesmaid or Best Man your Maid/Matron of Honor and leave your sister as one for just the title? I feel your pain here, it hurts worse when it’s your sister… You should be able to talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor about your wedding, she should be excited to talk about it, if she isn’t, I don’t think she should be your MOH!
Post # 16
@j1mathieu: OK it just sounds like different priorities and different stages of life then. I think you should make it clear she doesn’t need to be at the bachelorette. And maybe less wedding talk/texts to her. You’re understandably all excited about your wedding, but she is busy with 3 jobs and trying to get into vet school.
So I don’t think you’re being bridezilla and I don’t think she’s being MOHzilla, it’s just you’re each busy with different things, and I’m sure it’ll work out.