(Closed) maid of honor uninterested? Venting..

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll:
    I am overreacting : (26 votes)
    52 %
    I'm not overreacting, she should put more effort in : (6 votes)
    12 %
    Give her time, she'll come around : (12 votes)
    24 %
    Just hope for the best : (6 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I think you should invite her out to lunch and talk to her about it. Maybe she has something else going on in her life right now and is preoccupied with that.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1336 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    I would def bring it up with her and ask her if everything is ok. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    hmm maybe there’s something going on in her life. i agree that you should take her out to talk.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I might be the minority here, but I think maybe you might be overreacting just a little.  I do agree that you should take her out and see what happens.  She might be going through something personal.  This will give her the opportunity to talk to you about it.  And if will give you the opportunity to talk about the wedding.  She should be excited about the dress so that is a bummer, but some people just don’t get too jazzed about wedding gowns.  She might not mean to offend you.  Also, she might not be asking what you need help with because you have awhile until the wedding.  If she’s never been involved in a wedding, she has NO idea what you have to do or how far in advance you should be doing it.  I’d see how it plays out for awhile longer before I said anything that she might take as confrontational or accusatory. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it’s a bit much to expect everyone to start helping over a year out! She might not be that interested in weddings in general, I don’t think it’s anything personal. Especially because you do have so many other people who are more involved, I wouldn’t get upset or strain relations with her over this. I think talking to her just to see how she’s feeling about the wedding would be good though. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    377 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If these are the only issues you’ve had then I wouldn’t stress about things yet. If she hasn’t been involved in wedding planning before, she may really have no idea what is expected or what goes into it. I remember when I was younger I thought my only duty as a Bridesmaid or Best Man was to show up on the wedding day! Try asking her to help with something small and see how she reacts.

    Post # 9
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee

    honestly, I think you are overreacting. As brides, sometimes we need to remember that no one else cares about the wedding as much as we do! lol

    Post # 10
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I voted “she’ll come around” — you’ve got a long while for your wedding so she might not realize that you’re already in full steam ahead planning mode. She accepted the job of your Maid/Matron of Honor so I’m sure she’ll end up pitching in at some point.

    If it continues in the future though when you’re closer to the wedding date, I would bring it up to her.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I also voted for “overreacting.” I think the biggest lesson I learned while wedding planning is that no one will care about your wedding as much as you, and no one should, ’cause it’s YOUR wedding 🙂

    I only had one Maid/Matron of Honor and one Bridesmaid or Best Man. My Bridesmaid or Best Man acted totally disinterested during the whole wedding planning time, which I was fine with. The only thing you can expect from your wedding party is to get their attire, make travel arrangements, show up for the rehearsal and the day-of. Everything else is icing on the cake 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    1763 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I agree that maybe the wedding is just too far away for her to be excited yet. I would give it time and if she doesn’t seem more excited once you wedding date is closer then maybe talk to her and see if she is still interested.

    Post # 13
    Member
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I definitely went through a similar phase but realized I was just sensative and overreacting– (I too have the same thing, 5 girls total and 2 MOHs btw) I realized that we’re in a bubble here where we obsess about wedding stuff and well they aren’t in the same boat. They have their own stuff to do right now. It doesn’t mean they don’t care! Also, some of us are just planners, I know I am, and I can’t push that on anyone else, they might just not be into it as much. I think as it gets closer, they’ll be more involved. In the meantime, use the weddingbee as an outlet to share, vent, etc… I know it’s been a great community for me! Just let it ride out!

    Post # 14
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think you may be overreacting too. Your wedding is over a year away and like Miss Chapstick said, her only real ‘duties’ are to attend the rehearsal and show up on the day of. It’s an added bonus if they offer to go dress shopping with you, throw you a bach party or shower. Every Bridesmaid or Best Man is going to have a different level of interest in the wedding planning, some will be super interested and helpful while others will act like they forgot you are getting married. But when the date gets closer is when they will show their true interest, now it’s just too soon.

    I have two BM’s I intentionally KEEP details from for various reasons but mainly b/c I don’t want a bunch of opinions and a Bridesmaid or Best Man who literally doesn’t even respond to the few emails/texts/facespaces I have sent both wedding related and not. I would be SHOCKEd if the last one actually shows up to the wedding on time, it’s like she doesn’t think it’s a big deal. But I love all of them equally and don’t regret asking any of them for a minute!

    Post # 15
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I agree that you may be overreacting.  If she’s not purposefully ignoring you or avoiding talking about the wedding, but just doesn’t think to bring it up, then she’s probably just not into the wedding stuff.  You have a long time until your wedding.  I would just wait and see what happens.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Ok I have a mixed opinion:

    I think you should talk to her about it in a way that won’t pressure her or make her feel bad.  She is your friend, why not ask her a question? Just say “Hey you wanna see my dress?” Then see what she says. It sucks not communicating with friends and I think that’s important.

    But, don’t EXPECT for her to be excited…give her time, talk to her, and you’ll get a feel for how she wants to be involved or can’t be involved, etc. Some women are not that into it and ALL BMs and MOHs are not as into everything as we are. Give her time but you might find that your other girls inquire more just because that’s their personality.

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